I now weigh about 290 lbs. I feel terrible and have all kinds of pain and discomfort from gaining so much weight. Marianne moved out of town last August and since I haven't had her to talk to I've been eating to deal with things. It has to stop though. Lisa took pictures on Christmas Eve and I was shocked at how big I am. I don't know why I can't see it in myself every day but I can see it in a picture. I have an appointment with Dr. Fouss on Thursday and I'm embarrassed about him seeing me looking like this. I'm embarrassed for anyone to see me. I'm supposed to go out to lunch Tuesday with Lisa but I feel like I need to get together with her without eating. I've been telling myself that one meal won't make a big difference but that's how I got to this point to begin with. All I eat is junk food and fast food. I hardly ever eat real food. I drink a lot of Cherry Coke and very little water. Why am I doing this to myself?
I have to make changes now. I have a Cherry Coke sitting next to me. I should dump it out but I keep thinking that it will be the last one so I should enjoy it. I just don't get it. I should be dumping it out but instead I'm letting it sit there. I'll have to talk to Dr. Fouss about what's going on. There is no way to hide this problem. I carry it around with me every second of every day. I know what I need to do but I just don't do it.
I'm just going to go to bed. It's after 1am and I need to stop thinking right now. There's nothing I can do this second so I'm going to bed.
