I've gained even more weight and must be near or over 300 pounds now. Just seeing that makes me sad. I can't believe I've let myself get to this point. All I eat is junk food and fast food. All I drink is Coke or OJ. I rarely have water anymore. I'm hurting physically from carrying around all this weight. My right leg especially is hurting. My knee feels like it has a meniscus problem. It's sore all the time now. What am I going to do about this? I keep telling myself that I'll get back on track but obviously I never do. I've made this a much bigger battle than it needed to be. I can't remember how long it takes me to walk the neighborhood loop but I can do that and leave Bayou home right now since she's so little. I don't want to push her and end up hurting her. I will start taking her on short walks soon though. I want to be able to take her to Petsmart so she can walk around and socialize. She needs to see different places, people and dogs. I'm not sure I want to wait until puppy class in March to get that going. Bringing her out would get me out. Getting her on a schedule (food and exercise) will hopefully get me on a schedule too. Something had got to change. I'm eating myself to death. David even commented on how "big" I am now. It hurt to hear that but I know it's the truth. I hate looking like this and feeling like this too. Am I going to do anything about it or just let it get worse? I hope I have the intestinal fortitude to change things. I'm definitely shaving years off my life at this point. I know I can turn that around by being healthy but will I really make the necessary changes?
I'm always waiting for better weather, the perfect time or the perfect mood to get started and that is just not gonna happen. I can't wait until the stars all align. I need to just get out there and do this. Why am I gaining so much weight? There must be some kind of psychological reason for this. But even that doesn't matter. If I wait until I figure it out to get started, again, I'll never get started. I have to lose weight. I need to lose half of myself. I named this blog "Slowly Losing Myself" but I didn't know that not only would it be slow but it would be going in reverse. Time for things to change.
