It's 3:17am. Bayou is asleep on the couch and David is asleep in our bed. I am sitting here in the quiet reflecting on life, Christmas and many other things.
As much as I'd like to think that after 13 weeks of being on the WW plan that I was ready and prepared for Christmas, I wasn't even close. There have been so many emotional things that have come up around the holidays that I wasn't even expecting and health issues kept cropping up too. And for me those two things bring with them a lot of food issues. Although I'm glad that I started the WW plan before the holidays I have found following the plan during the holiday to be more difficult than I had imagined. The good news in all of this is the lessons I've learned and what I can take from all of this as I move forward on the WW plan.
This year I am a holiday statistic - I have gained 5 pounds over the holidays. Next year I will be closer to my goal weight and will have been on the plan for over a year so maybe the holidays won't effect me so much and I'll have a better plan for getting through them without losing my mind. LOL
I hope to be wiser with my finances this coming year so that when I get to December of 2012 I will actually have enough money to celebrate the holidays. This year we came up short because of all the medical costs (mostly prescriptions) and really couldn't afford Christmas. And I'm not just talking about gifts. I'm talking about traveling to be with family too. We just couldn't do any of that this year and as a result I am depressed and eating like a wild woman to address the disappointment and sadness. This year I am aware of it but not able to do much about it. Moving forward my hope is that I learn to deal with my emotions by not eating everything in sight.
One area I really need to work on is the grocery budget. It's been twice as high as it should be and I'm not really sure why. I haven't paid enough attention to it to figure it out but I need to do that going forward. I know that a big part of it is that I don't plan things out at all. I've been winging it for months and my over-inflated grocery budget shows that.
I also want to get out of the food rut that we are in. We're eating the same things day in and day out and I"m getting bored and turning to junk food again. I don't want to do that because I will be sure to gain back all the weight I've lost so far. That would discourage and depress me even further. So I need to do some research on the WW site and the Hungry Girl site and find some different recipes to work with. I'm sick of baked potatoes and blah salad.
There is always going to be a special occasion and I need to be able to get through it without going as far off plan as I have these past 2 weeks. I've been in the negative with my points both weeks (using up all my DPT's, WPPA's and AP's, plus some). I think part of it might be this parathyroid thing I'm dealing with because my appetite has really increased but mostly it's just not saying "NO!". David has been home on vacation and I've been too quick to say 'yes' to going out to eat and buying sweets and treats because "it's the holiday season".
It's been hard to focus on the people in my life instead of the food when the people are thousands of miles away and the food is right here. It's just been that simple for me. So maybe I can plan for next year to be with my family instead of with the food.
I know I'm going to eat more than I want to today because I'll be bored and sad and angry and disappointed. I know that today is a new day and only I can make the right decisions but I'm just feeling too overwhelmed and full of sadness to make all the healthy choices today. I just want someone to take care of me today and that's not going to happen and that's a big part of my sadness. I feel like it's all up to me today and for just this one day I really don' t want to be the adult.
I hope and wish that you are having an easier time of it this year and are able to celebrate and enjoy. Merry Christmas!
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