but not until January 14th! I'm going to be miserable for 2 weeks. I don't know how I'm going to get through this for 12 more days. I had to take my pain med/muscle relaxant early tonight because I'm so miserable. I will probably go to bed early because I'm so uncomfortable. I feel better when I'm in bed. I can't spend all my time in bed though. I need to be up and moving around so I'll feel better. I know I'm sitting too much and that's why my back is hurting so much. I wish the weather was nicer so I could at least get out and walk around the cul de sac but there's still snow and ice on the ground and it's very COLD out so that's not really an option right now. I'm terrified of falling on the ice. That's the last thing I would need to have happen.
I need to try to go to the store tomorrow or ask Lisa again to go for me. I don't know if I'm up to going yet. I'd like to try but I'm afraid of getting in the store and not being able to get back out to my car. Feeling like this is just horrible. I really want to feel better and soon. The anxiety has been bad today too so I couldn't even think of bringing Bayou to daycare. She really needs to go. She needs to play and exercise. Maybe I can get her there tomorrow or Friday. It will be warmer Friday so maybe I won't be so anxious about driving.
Thankfully the meds are kicking in and the pain is dulling. I'll be in bed by 9pm the latest tonight. Life sucks.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year
It's been the worst holiday season ever for me. New Years Eve was spent sitting in a chair with extreme back pain. Not exactly the way to start out a new year. Today, on New Years day, I'm struggling with anxiety. That's no fun either. I really need to make changes physically and mentally this coming year. I want to be happier and healthier by this time next year. It will take about a year to lose the weight that I want to lose. I don't know what will help reduce or get rid of the anxiety. I may have to try some different medications. I'm afraid to do that though because of side effects. I just want to feel better. Feeling like this really stinks.
David is out with Gabe again today. They took Bayou for a hike. I've been anxious the whole time. I'm getting tired of being home alone. I'm not getting out and haven't had any friends over for months. Lisa has stopped by twice to drop off groceries and I've seen her for a few minutes which was nice but not enough. I've got to get out more but I don't feel up to it mentally or physically. Poor Bayou hasn't been to daycare in over a month. I get anxious driving her there. I've got to get her there though. She's getting hard to manage because she's not getting any exercise or play. She and I are both slowly going crazy.
Dr. Fouss wanted me to go to the hospital but I couldn't because I couldn't board Bayou. David doesn't really want me to go to the psych hospital anyway. I don't really want to go but I can't feel like this much longer. It's no way to live. I've had suicidal thoughts (no plans to do anything) because I'm so frustrated with feeling this way for so long. It's terrible to have thoughts like that. I know that being in the hospital might be a good thing but it's hard to do it. Leaving David to take care of everything is hard to do. I know that getting my meds adjusted is what's needed and getting it in the hospital would be the best way to do it but I just can't bring myself to be hospitalized. Life just sucks right now.
David is out with Gabe again today. They took Bayou for a hike. I've been anxious the whole time. I'm getting tired of being home alone. I'm not getting out and haven't had any friends over for months. Lisa has stopped by twice to drop off groceries and I've seen her for a few minutes which was nice but not enough. I've got to get out more but I don't feel up to it mentally or physically. Poor Bayou hasn't been to daycare in over a month. I get anxious driving her there. I've got to get her there though. She's getting hard to manage because she's not getting any exercise or play. She and I are both slowly going crazy.
Dr. Fouss wanted me to go to the hospital but I couldn't because I couldn't board Bayou. David doesn't really want me to go to the psych hospital anyway. I don't really want to go but I can't feel like this much longer. It's no way to live. I've had suicidal thoughts (no plans to do anything) because I'm so frustrated with feeling this way for so long. It's terrible to have thoughts like that. I know that being in the hospital might be a good thing but it's hard to do it. Leaving David to take care of everything is hard to do. I know that getting my meds adjusted is what's needed and getting it in the hospital would be the best way to do it but I just can't bring myself to be hospitalized. Life just sucks right now.
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