It is just shy of one year since the last time I posted here. Nothing has changed. Actually yes it has changed. It's worse now. I could have written the same post today. That is very sad to me. I have an appointment with my primary care doctor tomorrow afternoon to get test results. I'm also waiting on test results from my second ACTH test. I had this one done up in Denver. To date no one has yet taken the time to look at the big picture or patterns and trends of my labs and symptoms. It's very frustrating. I'm extremely irritated today. Everything David does makes me mad. He just told me to call the community office tomorrow and tell them that they can't h-*ave anyone play with a ball out in the playground anymore. Um, we chose to live right next to the pool and the playground so we have to put up with balls thrown and kicked into the side of the house sometimes. I'm not going to call and tell them no one can play ball on the playground. If he wants to he can but I'm not going to do that.

I'm having some strange, new symptoms today. Since mid April I've been stumbling. I'm afraid people will think I'm drunk in public. In the beginning of May I hit my head one night but have no memory of how I did it. I had a lump and bruise on my forehead the next morning. I've been having trouble for a few weeks with telling right from left especially when I look in the mirror. I know what side something is on but am convinced it's on the other side. This morning I woke up and didn't know what day or time it was. I had to ask David and still didn't believe it when he told me. I looked at my phone and didn't believe it either. I'm having a lot of trouble typing on the laptop today. I'm making lots of mistakes. It's irritating and annoying. I thought about going to the ER but don't want to deal with David. I could go myself so he could stay home with Bayou but I just don't feel like doing it today. I'll see the doctor tomorrow and see what he says.

I feel like I have so much going on that I don't know what to focus on or what to mention to the doctor. He at least seemed interested last time I saw him in helping me figure out what is going on. I don't know if I actually believe him or not. No one besides Shellie has really cared enough to look at the big picture. They don't have time, it's too complicated and it spans years. So who has time for that. I don't even have time for that. I've been spending all my time putting the puzzle pieces together but no one seems interested in looking at what I've put together. I've seen 3 specialists in the last month and all 3 have told me to come back in 2 months. What am I supposed to do in the mean time? Get sicker than I already am? I don't think that after 2 1/2 years I am going to magically get better by waiting for 2 months.

The new ideas they have are:

• too many steroids (oral, inhaled, sprays and injections and maybe topical) causing adrenal suppression or insufficiency
• it's all due to my state of obesity
• endocrine problems that don't seem to show up on tests
• HIV
• Lyme Disease
• an unknown illness/syndrome/condition

I don't know what to make of any of it. 

I'm cutting back on meds because:

• I'm taking too many (14!)
• I'm still not feeling good
• there are way too many interactions
• there are way too many side effects
• they are not solving the problems

In 17 hours I will see the doctor and I don't know exactly what to do. What's important? What's not? I don't know.

I try to pare it all down but it's almost impossible to do that with being sick for over 2 years.

I feel like I can't believe in tests because flagged tests mean nothing and tests come back normal when there is obviously something wrong. If I can't find someone who can help me I don't know what I will do. It's not like I can ignore this and just go on with my life. It's there every day whether I pay attention to it or not. I am beyond frustrated.

I don't want to have something wrong there just is something wrong.