Tired of it all today

I'm feeling really down today. Even if the doctor figures out what's wrong with me (hormones, adrenals, Lyme, thyroid, blah, blah, blah) the treatment for all of them seems so complicated. The more I read on facebook groups the less I want to know what's wrong. So many people feel worse by treating their illness. At least now I know I'm going to feel crappy. Why take hormone replacement or supplements or whatever and have it wreak havoc with my system? It doesn't seem worth the risk. I see Shellie in 9 days and I'm not even sure now that I want to ask her to run anymore tests. The only one I think I will do, because it's an at home test, is the A1AT deficiency test since I have a genetic marker for that one. I don't think I'm A1AT deficient but I'd like to know that for sure. I don't think that getting tested for Lyme Disease 25 years after I had been treated for it makes any sense even though a doctor recommended it. Adrenal fatigue isn't an illness even though a lot of people treat for it. There's no real way to test for adrenal fatigue. The tests they do are for adrenal disease, which I apparently don't have at this point. It's all so frustrating to me. I know I am fatigued, in pain, can't tolerate cold, am losing my hair and have trouble breathing but there's no labs that tell me why. I am B12 and Vitamin D deficient but I don't know if that accounts for what is going on with me. I guess I could talk to Shellie about that. I'm just feeling like it's all pointless today. Shellie isn't going to be able to do anything for me and I don't want to spend a ton of money on stuff that insurance won't cover (like supplements or BHRT). I can't afford it anyway. Frustrated and dejected.

I got all the fruits and veggies at Sprouts and haven't juiced any yet. I have eaten a few pieces of fruit but not enough to make a difference. I just feel like it's pointless. I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks juicing and gained it all back when I stopped juicing. I don't think I could do a 60 juice fast like Joe Cross did. In fact, I know I couldn't, mostly because David wouldn't be able to because of his diabetes. Doing it alone would be too difficult. I don't know what to do. I'm sick of getting tests done only to have the results come back negative. I don't want to have anything wrong with me but something is causing these symptoms. There are so many people out there with the same symptoms and everyone thinks it's something different causing it (adrenals, thyroid, pituitary, hormones, Lyme Disease, etc.). How is a person supposed to figure it out especially when there aren't any specific tests for all of these syndromes? Sometimes, like today, I think that if I just stopped thinking about it and got on with my life I'd be fine but I feel bad whether I want to or not. Just not thinking about it doesn't change it. This pity party I'm having today isn't helping me either. Nothing helps.

So where do I go from here? I could ask Shellie what she would do if she were me but I'm afraid to hear her answer. I think that mostly she is just humouring me. I mean, I don't think she's running the tests for no reason, she knows I'm not feeling good but really, a year into it and I still don't know much of anything. Nowhere is where I go from here. At least for today. I'm still waiting on test results but don't think they will show much beyond the vitamin deficiencies. I'm not taking any supplements for them right now because I want the test results before I treat for anything. I was hoping Shellie would have called me by now but I may just have to wait until I see her on the 9th. I'm getting tired of waiting for test results and doctor's appointments. I'm just sick of it today.