Junk food junkie

I'm not doing very well today - maple bars for breakfast and McDonald's for lunch. Yuck! Why do I do this to myself? I know that after I eat I'll feel sick yet I can't seem to remember that when I'm ordering or buying food though. Now I'll feel sick the rest of the day.

I had some very bizarre dreams this morning that I think are related to losing weight. Basically what the dreams came down to were that I have a fear of losing weight because it will make me feel physically venerable to "look good". I've had my issues in the past that obviously still live a lot closer to me than I realized. I'm going to have to delve into these things if I'm ever going to lose any weight.

I think I'm feeling anxious today because I need to make a decision about school. It looks like I got approved for student loans so now I have to figure out if I want to go into debt to go to school. I have 3 options: 1. teach myself stuff by buying books, etc. 2. cash flow one class at a time 3. take at least 2 classes so I'd be eligible for the student loans. I asked David about it and his response really made me think. He was wondering what the loan payment would be. I know I wouldn't have to pay back until I stopped going to school but I'm not sure I want to go to school every semester. Do I really want to take on debt for school or am I just wanting money to spend? I need to be honest about this. Taking a student loan is a big deal. I have to give it a lot of thought. I guess what it comes down to is do I really want to go sit in a classroom for hours to learn. I could check out online classes but they are more expensive than on campus classes. I would need student loans to do online courses.

Anyway, I'm feeling anxious about this so I'm eating a lot to lessen the anxiety. Nothing I'm eating is good either and it really isn't taking away the anxiety but causing more because I feel bad about eating all this junk. I have a lot of work to do with Marianne.