What am I doing to myself?

I'm watching The Biggest Loser. I'm as big or bigger than some of the people on the show. I think that I'm taller than they are but that doesn't really matter. I am morbidly obese. I am 5'9" and I weigh about 280 pounds. The heaviest person on season 8 weighed over 470 pounds. I don't want to get that heavy. I want to stop it now before it gets any worse. I need to commit again to staying away from the junk food whether David does or not. I need to commit to walking with Harley every day. I know I can do this. I just need to do it. I've given myself a pass for far too long. I'm putting myself in danger. Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I keep eating crap? I have fruit here and yet I ended up eating 6 VERY large cookies in the last 24 hours. What is wrong with me? What feelings am I avoiding? I'm stuffing my feelings with food. I'm watching The Biggest Loser and I just finished drinking a Hawaiian Punch. The irony of it all.

I'm not writing about this stuff to be mean to myself. I need to face the reality of my situation. David and I have really gone down hill in the last year. I'm embarrassed and ashamed but mostly, I'm disgusted.

I haven't been there for Harley the way I need to be because I haven't wanted to push myself to get out there and walk. It's not good for me and it certainly is not good for Harley. He needs to be out there walking twice a day and so do I. I'm going to end up having problems and so is Harley if we don't get out there and walk.

I wonder what it will take to get me motivated enough to get out there and walk every day.