Baby steps

It's almost 2am and I've been up for a while. What's new. I have heartburn again tonight from overeating yesterday. I really need to make a commitment to staying away from junk food, fast food and soda. I'm sure it's the soda that's causing the heartburn. Today is Monday, a good day to start something new. So, I'm going to stay away from junk food, fast food and soda for the next week. I'm also going to make a commitment to eating 3 healthy meals/day. That is going to involve some planning and effort but I have to do it. Walking isn't going to do me a lot of good if I keep eating and drinking all this junk. I can feel that I have gained more weight. I don't even want to weigh myself because I'm afraid I'm up to 280 pounds. I've really got to start fighting this. I will definitely have to enlist the help of Marianne to do this. She always helps  me to see things more clearly.

I need to figure out why I think it's okay to overeat even when I know it's not okay. Why am I giving in to overeating so much lately? There must be something that is causing me anxiety. My first thought is that it is school. I know I'm very nervous about  taking 4 classes to start off. I know I don't have to take 4 classes. I can just take 1 class if I want but I want to try to go to school full time. My goal is to get my AA degree as soon as I can. I may not go to school full time year round, but I feel like I want to start taking classes this summer. I know that I am afraid of failing. I'm afraid that I won't be able to juggle 4 classes. All I can do is try to do it. If it doesn't work then I'll back off. I have so much time available to do something besides sleep. I need to get into a better routine ASAP.

There's no time like the present to start changing things for the better. Starting today I'm going to keep a food journal so I can be accountable for what I am taking in food and drink wise. I can use my iTouch to keep track. It's small enough to always be with me so I can log things right away. I'm going to have to start making smarter choices. I need to just take this a week at a time. No big goals just some baby steps to get where I eventually want to be. I have to stay away from the convenience stores and only get what is on my shopping list when I do the weekly shopping. I have to add in fruits and veggies. Something besides mashed potatoes. Corn, peas, potatoes and bananas are all starchy foods that I need to stay away from. Of course, those are some of my favorite foods (besides all the junk).

So here's the plan for the week:

1. I will commit to staying away from fast food, junk food and soda
2. I will work with Marianne on the emotional and mental side of my overeating
3. I will start forming a daily routine that includes walking at least 3x/week and eating 5 small meals/day
4. I will keep a food journal on my iTouch
5. I will stay out of the convenience stores
6. I will make a grocery list on the iTouch and stick to it
7. I will add in fruits and vegetables to my diet as well as some healthy protein

I think that is a realistic start to changing things. I have to do this in baby steps or I will get overwhelmed and I don't want to fail before I even begin. I think that using the iTouch as much as I can will make this more fun and less boring. It will also keep my accountability up to the minute. I also need to figure out which medicine(s) is making me so sleepy all day. I'm not going to get much done if I'm sleeping all day long. I know I can do this. I see myself as a thin person. I am always shocked when I actually look at myself and see just how big I have become. There are so many things that I want to do in my life but I won't get most of them done if I'm overweight, having trouble breathing and in pain all the time from the weight. I don't want to just survive life, I want to live it to it's fullest.

I'm going to get my iTouch right now and start keeping track of the things I've listed above. I know that it will also help money wise since I won't be blowing money on junk food. It really does add up. We have to cut back on the restaurant trips too. We're going through money like crazy because of these bad eating habits. I want to save money. I don't want to always be living paycheck to paycheck. A commitment has got to be made to being smart and living smart.

The only thing that I worry about is having the power to say 'no' to myself. I always feel like I deserve to eat junk and overeat. It is how I reward myself. I have to find another way to reward myself. Maybe I can combine my goals and pay myself for following my plan. That way I'd be living a healthier lifestyle and saving money to do fun things. I'll try that and see how it goes. All I can do is try.

It won't be easy, especially at first but I know that in a month's time I could be on a whole new path. It takes about that long to get rid of a bad habit and introduce a good habit. Accountability is the thing with me. I have to stop living this secret life with food. I have to stop eating in secret. Everyone knows that I'm overeating just by looking at me. I guess I need to look at me too.