I'm still eating lots of junk food and fast food. I haven't started walking yet either. I need to sit down with David and have a talk with him about the things that we are eating and drinking. It's got to stop or at least slow way down. I checked the history on the scale and I was at 259 lbs recently and now I'm over 270 again. I know I can lose the weight by eating better and by walking more. I have a good excuse to walk because Harley needs to get out there every day for a walk. It would be good for both of us to get out and walk.
I need to take some time today to clear out the fridge. I hate when there's so much stuff in there. I need to clear out the cupboards too. I'm sure I've got a few meals already in there just with the stuff I have on hand. A few groceries added and we'll have meals for the whole week.
I realized that this past month has been terrible for me when it comes to eating, shopping and sleeping. I haven't wanted to face my life every day so I would eat, sleep or shop to distract myself. That needs to stop. I can't afford to gain any more weight, we'll drown financially if I keep spending and I'll miss out on my life if all I do is sleep. I want to take some classes this summer but I won't be able to if I can't get into a healthier, more routine schedule. I can't wait until I start school to start the routine. I've got to be in a routine before then. There are 2 months until summer classes start. That will give me plenty of time to get a schedule going.
My plan is to take 4 classes this summer - 3 online (Math, Anthropology & Music Appreciation) and 1 on campus (Computer Literacy). That will be in addition to my 2 weekly appointments with Marianne and at least 2 dog walking dates with Lisa and/or Kitty. I know it will be a lot for me coming from such a sedentary lifestyle but if I take baby steps for the next month I should be able to get myself in a good place. Then I'd have another month to live it out. Part of this too will be eating healthier. I can't survive on junk food. I feel tired all the time right now because all I eat is junk. I need to add a lot more fruits and veggies to my diet. And water! I definitely need to drink a lot more water than I am drinking. I'm sure that contributes to the fatigue as well.
So, slowly losing this old self is the plan. It will take time and effort but I'm willing to do both. I think I have hit my saturation point on junk food so I'm hoping that leaving the junk food alone won't be as hard as I'm imagining it will be. I don't like feeling so sluggish and blah. What I eat sure does contribute to how I feel mentally, emotionally and physically. I eat crappy food and I feel crappy. No big mystery there. I think one of the reasons I haven't felt good too is that I don't like my hair cut. It's too fringey for me. I like a more blunt cut. So I'm going to call Hector and see if he'll adjust the cut for me. I was supposed to go in on April 22nd but that's too far away. I hope he can get me in soon. I won't feel as sloppy with a better cut. I'm just not into this whispy stuff.
Even though I have a lot of work to do, I know that taking baby steps is the best way to approach it. Trying to do it all at once is nothing but a recipe for disaster. I need to give myself the opportunity to succeed. I don't want to set myself up for failure. It will take some time to change my eating and sleeping habits but in the long run it will be worthwhile. And the spending only adds more stress to my life. Saving makes me feel a whole lot better. I need to stop wasting money on Harley. I'm buying way too much stuff for him that won't last but a few minutes. I'm going to stick with the 2 toys he hasn't destroyed - the Buster Cube and the Ultra Balls. I have 2 Buster Cubes already and 2 Ultra Balls so I don't need to buy anything else for Harley. I should try to sell the other toys that I have that he can't use. I'd like to try to put a few things out in the back yard (the huge blue balls) for Harley to play with. He has nothing in the yard to play with right now so he is destroying the yard and bushes. That's not cool.
I need to get out into the yard with Harley and start throwing a ball for him. It would be as good for me as it would be for him. I've got to stop just sitting around the house all day or sleeping all day. I'll never be able to get through 4 classes if all I do is sleep. I have to be committed to getting the work done, especially since 3 of the classes will be online. I'm hoping that I'll have enough financial aid left over in July to get a new laptop and some new clothes for school (just a couple of pairs of jeans and some new shoes and tops). David would have the laptop I'm working on now as his laptop and hopefully I'll have a new one. Unfortunately all my financial aid won't be disbursed until July which is halfway through the summer session but I can wait to get the laptop. I will need to buy a digital voice recorder before school starts though. I'm going to get the same one that Lisa has, the Zoom H2. Recording my on campus class will be important. With the pain I have in my hands I don't think I could take notes for 2 hours. I'll have to see how things go though.
Back to the weight loss. I know if I just add in some fruits and veggies and a daily walk, I'll lose weight. The hard part is continuing to lose weight after people start noticing I'm losing weight and make comments. The comments are all positive and meant in a good spirit but I get nervous for some reason after someone notices and start eating like crazy again. I'll have to work closely with Marianne on that.
Well, it's after 3am. I should get back to bed. I'm glad I took time to blog about this stuff though. I seem to think better in the middle of the night. I guess it's because I have no distractions (no TV, no David, no Harley). I can just sit and think clearly. That's a nice place to be.
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