Getting back on track

Okay so I've been ill in one way or another for over a month now. I'm working with my PA (physician's assistant) and my therapist to figure out what's going on so that maybe sometime soon I'll feel better. Not feeling well has really thrown me off track with my WW plan. There's something about not feeling well that makes me want to eat and I'm not sure what that is yet but I'm journaling about it and know that I'll get it figured out. In the mean time I've decided that I have to get back on track even if I'm not feeling well.


The holidays also got me off track big time! I wasn't prepared or ready for them this year but I know that it will be different next year. I realize there will always be some event being celebrated every month so I need to be on track all the time regardless of the special occasions. So I've decided that I have to get back on track even if there is a holiday or special day coming up.


I haven't been getting in any activity at all and that also needs to change. I was thinking of canceling my YMCA membership because I haven't been going and basically I'm just wasting my money every month but I might rethink that. It's hard for me to get outdoors with the snow to work out and having the Y there would give me a place to get in some exercise. I think I just set myself up for too much to start and need to just do a little bit to start. But I need to do something activity wise. I'm not going to lose any weight if I just sit in my chair all day. So I've decided that I have to get back on track with the exercise even if it's cold and snowy. I'm paying for a Y membership and I need to use it.


All the junk in the house will be thrown out and I'll go by the store tomorrow and pick up the fruits and veggies and other healthy foods I need to get back on track. I've had the junk and honestly it didn't make me feel as good mentally or physically as I thought it would. I always felt better eating the healthier choices. Maybe I just needed to experience that. So I've decided that I have to get back on track with the healthier foods.


I haven't been going to as many meetings in the last month because of feeling ill and because of the holidays. No more of that. I need to go to at least 2 meetings a week like I was doing in order to stay on plan. I need the support, encouragement and inspiration that I get at meetings. So I've decided that I'll be at a meeting tomorrow morning even if I don't feel like getting up and going.


So I've made a lot of decisions about what I'm going to do to make things different. I'm going to start from here and move forward. I know that it would be easy to just give up or say I'll start next week, after the holidays, but why wait? Tomorrow is a new day and as good a day as any to get going and get back on track. I have the pieces of the puzzle that will get me to my goals and I'm willing to take the steps it will take to get there.

Merry Christmas and Bah Humbug!!

It's 3:17am. Bayou is asleep on the couch and David is asleep in our bed. I am sitting here in the quiet reflecting on life, Christmas and many other things.


As much as I'd like to think that after 13 weeks of being on the WW plan that I was ready and prepared for Christmas, I wasn't even close. There have been so many emotional things that have come up around the holidays that I wasn't even expecting and health issues kept cropping up too. And for me those two things bring with them a lot of food issues. Although I'm glad that I started the WW plan before the holidays I have found following the plan during the holiday to be more difficult than I had imagined. The good news in all of this is the lessons I've learned and what I can take from all of this as I move forward on the WW plan.


This year I am a holiday statistic - I have gained 5 pounds over the holidays. Next year I will be closer to my goal weight and will have been on the plan for over a year so maybe the holidays won't effect me so much and I'll have a better plan for getting through them without losing my mind. LOL


I hope to be wiser with my finances this coming year so that when I get to December of 2012 I will actually have enough money to celebrate the holidays. This year we came up short because of all the medical costs (mostly prescriptions) and really couldn't afford Christmas. And I'm not just talking about gifts. I'm talking about traveling to be with family too. We just couldn't do any of that this year and as a result I am depressed and eating like a wild woman to address the disappointment and sadness. This year I am aware of it but not able to do much about it. Moving forward my hope is that I learn to deal with my emotions by not eating everything in sight.


One area I really need to work on is the grocery budget. It's been twice as high as it should be and I'm not really sure why. I haven't paid enough attention to it to figure it out but I need to do that going forward. I know that a big part of it is that I don't plan things out at all. I've been winging it for months and my over-inflated grocery budget shows that.


I also want to get out of the food rut that we are in. We're eating the same things day in and day out and I"m getting bored and turning to junk food again. I don't want to do that because I will be sure to gain back all the weight I've lost so far. That would discourage and depress me even further. So I need to do some research on the WW site and the Hungry Girl site and find some different recipes to work with. I'm sick of baked potatoes and blah salad.


There is always going to be a special occasion and I need to be able to get through it without going as far off plan as I have these past 2 weeks. I've been in the negative with my points both weeks (using up all my DPT's, WPPA's and AP's, plus some). I think part of it might be this parathyroid thing I'm dealing with because my appetite has really increased but mostly it's just not saying "NO!". David has been home on vacation and I've been too quick to say 'yes' to going out to eat and buying sweets and treats because "it's the holiday season".


It's been hard to focus on the people in my life instead of the food when the people are thousands of miles away and the food is right here. It's just been that simple for me. So maybe I can plan for next year to be with my family instead of with the food.


I know I'm going to eat more than I want to today because I'll be bored and sad and angry and disappointed. I know that today is a new day and only I can make the right decisions but I'm just feeling too overwhelmed and full of sadness to make all the healthy choices today. I just want someone to take care of me today and that's not going to happen and that's a big part of my sadness. I feel like it's all up to me today and for just this one day I really don' t want to be the adult.


I hope and wish that you are having an easier time of it this year and are able to celebrate and enjoy. Merry Christmas!

30 days of blogging - Day #28

A picture of me a year ago and now & how have I changed since then.


This picture is of me last summer. My sister was visiting. I can't believe how big I let myself get. I've dropped 18 pounds since I started WW. There's not a big difference in how I look outside it's the difference inside that has been prominent. I feel so much more confident than I did a year ago. I'm also getting out so much more. It was difficult for me when my sister visited because I was so used to sleeping on the couch all day and all of a sudden I was on the go every day with my sister. We had an awesome time but as soon as she left I was back on the couch again. Now I'm up and out every day, most days going to WW meetings. I'm getting out, participating and getting involved. Life has changed a lot in just a year. I'm anxious to see in another year where I'll be physically, mentally and socially. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me.

Sunday 11/27/11

My day started out with still craving doughnuts so when David told me he was going to the store I asked him to get me some OJ and 2 doughnuts. I promised myself that I wouldn't eat them until after I got home from my WW meeting. I knew that I would understand what all the craving was about after the meeting. I had received so many responses to my blog on the WW site that told me that the plan allows for cravings like this but I still fought the craving. Well, when I got to the 9am meeting the topic was how the WW plan is flexible. The leader, Anne, talked about how it was okay to have a treat every once in a while and that it was allowed on the PointsPlus plan. I had my answer.


Honestly if the meeting had been about how to defeat cravings I would have gone home and thrown away the doughnuts but as it turned out it was about how having something every once in a while makes the plan livable for the long run. I realized, after reading a lot of posts that I was still in the deprivation mentality of a diet and that I didn't need to live that way. I also realized that I was letting pride get in my way. I had this streak going where I hadn't bought any junk food at the 7-Eleven or any other convenience store for 7 weeks. I was proud of that accomplishment but realized that again, it was built on deprivation not just common sense.


I still don't want to get junk food from the convenience store but it feels better knowing that I can if I really want to get something that I can. I haven't had any fast food for 9 weeks but that's been more of just a common sense thing and not wasting money on fast food. But there was some pride there too that I've gone so long without it. I don't crave it or want it so it's different than the thing with the doughnuts. I just need to know that every once in a while, maybe every 2 months or so, I'm going to crave a doughnut and on the WW plan it is allowed. 


I learned a lot about the flexibility of the WW plan today in the meeting. I was feeling bad because I'd used all my WA (Weekly Allowance) points and dipped into my AP (Activity Points) too. Again I learned that the WW PointsPlus plan is one that allows that and there's not prize for not doing it (beside the weight loss that is). I'm not going to get a BRAVO for not using points. Maybe I'll get a BRAVO for tracking for 9 weeks but not for not using points.


Anyway, I can see now how everything has worked together for me to learn another WW lesson. Deprivation is not part of the plan; the plan is very flexible and a doughnut once in a while isn't going to kill me. Will I lose weight this week? I don't know. Probably not. But that's okay too. It's not all about the scale. The NSV's (Non Scale Victories) are just as important and I'd say that this was a valuable and needed NSV!


I ate the donuts. I don't feel guilty about doing it. I'm still on plan and I learned a valuable lesson - don't torture myself over a craving! Tomorrow is a new day and Tuesday starts a new week for me. I can do this.

30 days of blogging - Day # 26 & # 27

Day #26 - What do I think about my friends?


I think that my friends are dependable, honest, caring and giving. I couldn't imagine my life without my friends. The picture is of by BFF, Lisa. We used to spend a lot of time at the pool until I gained so much weight. I look forward to losing enough weight by next summer to be comfortable going to the pool with her again.


Day #27 - Why am I doing this 30 day blogging challenge?


I'm doing the challenge because I love the focus it gives me each day for blogging. I also just love a challenge. It also gives my new WW friends a way to get to know me.

I could use some encouragement (Saturday night)

I originally posted this Saturday night, 11/26/11. I got through the night with the help of a lot of WW friends. I did have my doughnut Sunday morning. It took care of the craving and I'm fine here on Sunday night.

I know not many people are around on the weekend but I could really use some encouragement. It's not a Thanksgiving thing, it's a Saturday thing. I always seem to struggle on the weekend and Saturday is the worst day. I've used all my daily points, I didn't have any weekly points left so went into my activity points for 5 more and I still want to eat. I've been nibbling on carrots, cucumbers and grapes but really want junk food tonight. I haven't had fast food for almost 9 weeks and haven't gone to the 7-Eleven or other convenience store for junk food in about 7 weeks. But tonight I'm ready to pitch it all just to eat some junk food.


I've tried keeping busy, I've tried napping and nothing is helping me get rid of this craving. What I truly want is doughnuts. My plan is to use 14 of my daily points tomorrow and get 2 doughnuts for Sunday morning. I don't know if I'll actually do it but right now that's my plan. There's a 9am WW meeting in the morning and I want to get to it but right now I want the doughnuts more than I want to go to the meeting.


I just want to go to bed and have this day end but it's only 6:30pm and if I go to bed now I'll be up in the middle of the night with this stinking craving. I have 5 activity points left tonight and I don't want to use them. I feel like I'm at least still sort of on plan since I haven't gone past my points.


I feel like I should just give in to the craving and be done with it. Then again I think "this too shall pass". I know I can do this it just doesn't feel like I can. Any suggestions on what I can do or just some encouragement to get me through this? Just posting this has helped because it's keeping me accountable. Now if I eat junk food I do it with intention and I don't really want to do that.

30 days of blogging - day # 24 & # 25

Day #24 - A letter to my parents.


Ma and Dad,


Thank you for the horrible, terrible, dysfunctional way that you brought me up because it got me to where I am now in my life and with the people that I have surrounding me. I chose a life that was totally opposite of the kind of lives you both lead, I chose a life of trust and loyalty and kindness and honesty. Your dysfunction has made me treasure those things in my life instead of taking them for granted. I'm sure you both did the best you could but it just wasn't good enough. Thank goodness that I was always being watched over and protected by others in my life. I don't hate you for the crummy way in which you raised me though. I just feel sorry for you that you missed out on who I really was and who I really am. You both are long gone now so no bridges to be mended on this side of life but who knows about the other side...


Your daughter

Day # 25 - What you would find in my purse


* my wallet
* $8 and some change
* blistex
* tissues
* cough drops
* tums
* finger nail clipper
* my keys
* gum
* small pad of paper
* 2 pens
* pictures of me and my dogs
* my WW pocket guide
* my WW name tags
* my PointsPlus tracker/calculator
* my checkbook
* my KCME 88.7 membership book
* my To Do list

All the leftovers are packed up and in the freezer.

Instead of letting the leftovers sit around as a temptation or throwing them away, I decided to divvy everything out in small portions into freezer containers and put them away this morning. I left out enough for one leftover meal each for today and that's it. The rest is in the freezer. Since I cut all the portion sizes in half they will be great for David for lunch now and then and we may even have them for Christmas instead of cooking another gigantic meal.


I did cut down on what I was cooking but still ended up with way too much food. I've learned some lessons for next year. Here's what I'll do differently next time a holiday meal comes around:


* make my own stuffing from bread so I can easily control the total size of the side dish
* use only 2 large potatoes instead of 4
* make a small chicken since I realized I'm not too crazy about turkey to begin with
* make more vegetables and salad
* add a fresh fruit salad to the meal
* make my own dessert so I can get the blueberries I want without having to deal with a whole pie
* remember that it's not worth all the points that it takes to eat that much food
* nothing tastes as good as losing weight feels!!


So I'm back OP and looking forward to the rest of the day now that all the food is taken care of and put away. I'm going to have my regular lunch today and probably won't have much in the way of leftovers (I do have one piece of pie left out that I plan on having later today).


I hope everyone has a relaxing day with friends and family and that you are able to stay OP (on plan) for the week.

We had our T-day meal Wednesday night

We just finished our Thanksgiving meal (it's Wednesday night). I decided to just go ahead a make everything tonight and treat it like a regular meal. It obviously was more points than a regular meal with the stuffing and biscuits but not bad at all. Tomorrow we will have leftovers and again treat it like a regular day and not overeat. David lost a pound this past week after not losing at all for 2 weeks so he was pretty excited. It got him his first 5 lb loss star on his eTools tracker. He was satisfied with the meal we had tonight and didn't ask for seconds. I'm very proud of him. I wouldn't even consider seconds. I had all I wanted and needed on my first serving.


I'm kind of glad that the meal is over with so that tomorrow I can relax with David instead of spending hours in the kitchen. I didn't mind doing it tonight since it just felt like a regular meal. I really wanted to take the focus off of the food this year and I feel like I have. There's nothing that tastes as good as losing weight feels.

30 days of blogging - day # 23

Something I crave a lot - doughnuts! 'nough said.

Weigh In Day - Down another 1.4 lbs.

Somehow, after the anniversary lunch last Thursday and a hungry, hungry day this week I'm still down 1.4 pounds today! Yippee! Even though I'm not feeling well, I'm still able to enjoy the success of losing more weight. I'm down 17.6 total now. I'm just .9 shy of being in the 270's. Even with Thanksgiving and not being able to work out because of this illness, I'm still going to shoot for 279.x next week. I'm fighting these ear infections and this sore throat with everything I've got - fluids, rest, antibiotics, Zicam, orange juice and herbal tea - whatever I think will work!


I really can't believe I lost weight this past week. I'm so excited. I just keep thinking about how it will be when I'm able to work out. But no matter, I'm excited to see that just sticking to the plan and tracking are working wonders for me. Now it's time to rest. I hope you all have a great day!

Went to the doctor today

I've had a little bit of a sore throat for a couple of days and decided to call the doctor this afternoon. They were able to get me in 15 minutes after I called. The quick strep test was negative but the PA (Physician's Assistant) said that after looking at my throat he was pretty sure the test was a false negative and was going to send it out for review. He checked my ears and said they were both "about to pop" (meaning they were full of fluid and inflamed). He gave me a prescription for antibiotics, told me to get some Sudaphed, Cloraseptic, yogurt and drink a lot of fluids. I'm also going to take some Zicam. That often helps me to not get as sick.


I specifically asked him if I could do my treadmill class tomorrow and he emphatically said "no!". Couldn't hurt to ask though. LOL I'm hoping I don't feel any worse than I do right now. I really don't want to be sick for Thanksgiving but if I am at least David will be home to take care of me. Not feeling well has taken all the focus off the food and holiday for me which in a bizarre way is a good thing. All I'm concentrating on now is getting better.


I'm a little frustrated about not being able to work out but understand that it's not the right time since I'm not feeling well. And I don't want to be around other people and make them sick either. It's not the best time to not be able to work out but that just means I'll really have to stick to the plan each day. I want to look at this as an opportunity and a blessing in disguise.

Monday Meeting = 1 More Paperclip

I WI (weigh in) on Tuesday's and have to wait a whole week for my Monday morning WW meeting to get my paperclip to add to my chain that shows how many pounds I've lost to date. As of last Tuesday I had lost 16.2 pounds. So, I got to add another paperclip to the chain for the pound I lost last week. I WI tomorrow but don't expect a loss. I might possibly have a small gain. I'm okay with it though because I know that I'm having difficulty losing because the medication I'm taking for my knee makes me retain fluids. And I got the shot on Friday which also is causing some swelling. So I'm okay with a small gain showing up tomorrow.

The paperclips are a visual symbol for me of how much weight I am losing. My Monday morning WW leader hands out a container of all different colored paperclips every meeting that she does so we can use them as a reminder of our successes on the program. I think it's a great idea for people like me who are visual. It's why I like the stars and stickers too. It's just a visual cue that I'm making progress. On a week like this one, where I'll probably have a gain it's nice to look at that chain and realize that I am making headway and losing weight overall. Week to week things may fluctuate but in general I'm losing weight and that's the most important thing.


In today's meeting we talked about having a Stress-less Thanksgiving. We talked about planning ahead, making changes where needed, not only to food but with behavior, attitude and what we do. I was reminded that classical music relaxes me and will listen to it Wednesday as I prepare our Thursday meal. I like to make it ahead of time so I can sit and relax with my husband while he's home on Thursday. Friday I'll be back to my regularly scheduled WW meeting. For me, cooking the meal on Wednesday makes it a stress free holiday. I'll still be cooking less food this year than in years past. Just a turkey breast, not a whole turkey since there's just the two of us. I'll do half as many potatoes as I usually do and include a salad which I have never done before. I plan on filling up on a big salad prior to eating my meal.


As they say, "fail to plan and plan to fail". So I'm making sure I have a plan for this whole week through WI next Tuesday. I'm planning on getting in some activity this week since it's been 3 days since I had my shot. I'm going to see if there is room in the treadmill class tomorrow (you have to sign up ahead of time).


I just called and they put me down for tomorrow's class. Woot! I'm psyched now. It's a 45 minute class. Wednesday I may try to attend the Zumba Gold class if they are having it (I don't know if the holiday is changing the schedule or not). Thursday is the holiday so I'll go for a hike that day and on Friday I'll do a pool class for folks who have arthritis.


So I think I have a good plan for the week coming up. The YMCA will probably be very busy on Friday with people working off their meals from Thursday! LOL I plan on being there but not to work off overeating, just to get in my AP's (activity points). I hope you all have a plan for the coming week no matter what day you WI and will enjoy the holiDAY by spending time with friends and family and not focus on the food. Have a great OP (on plan) week.

A picture of something that makes me happy

30 Days of blogging - Day # 21

This picture always makes me happy. One day I brought buckets and art supplies to my friend Lisa's house and the two of us and her 3 boys made these "helmets". I'm in the background on the left, Lisa is next to me on the right and her three boys are in the front. We had such a great day making those helmets. It's just one of the many adventures I've had with Lisa and her family. It is also a reminder to me that I have been friends with Lisa for years. She has become a trusted and dear friend and that makes me happy.

What does being ON PLAN mean to you?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I say I'm OP, but am I really? What does it mean to be OP? Just because I'm tracking doesn't mean I'm OP. I try to be OP but I don't meet my GHG's every day. I don't know if I've met them all on any particular day! I try to get as many in as I can but it really hasn't been a priority for me to get them all in. That has to change.


I'm also still not making all the healthiest choices. I choose potato chips and Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches over carrot sticks and fruit. Yes, I can have chips and ice cream, but really is it the best choice? Am I going to lose weight making choices like that? I'm not losing weight this week so far and I'm puzzled. Puzzled? Why am I puzzled I'm not making the best choices so why should I be losing weight?!


I'm really struggling today with wanting to just eat anything and everything, healthy or not. I'm not giving in to the feeling but I hate having it. I should say I haven't given in to it yet. It's only 10:30am. I want lunch now! I don't want to wait until noon to have lunch. I've already had a bowl of cereal, pecans and an English muffin! Why do I still want to eat?


I've been tracking everything I eat for 8 weeks now. I've been making some changes in the choices I make so that I'm eating healthier. I know I'm doing some of the things I need to do but there are still some things I want to do differently. Then why don't I? I don't want to eat to get rid of feelings and that's what I want to do today. I want to eat my way out of this situation that I'm in and I know it's not the answer.


Being OP to me, means meeting my GHG's each day, making the healthier food choices and tracking it all. It means following the WW program. So what does being OP mean to you?

The sky is falling, the sky is falling!

Oops. No it's not. Remember that "bad" day I had on Thursday because of my anniversary lunch. Well, it turns out that it wasn't half as bad as I thought it was. Why? Because I entered my meal twice that day. Yep, I tracked my 26 PPV meal two times that day. I'm not sure how I did it but I put the meal in breakfast and in lunch. So when I went back and took it out of breakfast it changed my day and week completely. All of a sudden the birds are chirping, the sun is shining and there are rainbows in the sky!


Okay maybe it's not that great but getting those 26 weekly points back has sure given me a lot of relief. I feel like I can breathe again. Now I can get to WI day without the struggle I thought I would have. 


This is a difficult week anyway because I'm retaining fluids still because of the meds I'm taking for my knee plus the shot is making my knee swell which means more fluids being retained. So once again I'm expecting a gain for WI but at least I know why. I'm taking the prescription diuretic but that makes me feel like I'm cheating somehow.


I've been spending a lot of time today thinking about what being OP really means. I know for me it means I'm tracking, staying within my daily and weekly points and doing my best to make good food choices. I try to get in my GHG's every day but always seem to fall short somewhere but I'm at least trying. I was just wondering what everyone else thinks being on plan means. If you have a different idea of what being OP means, I'd love it if you'd share it with me.


Thanks in advance for sharing.

My latest BRAVO star sticker

I'm in my 8th week of no fast food. It's amazing that I went from eating fast food every day to not having ANY! None. Nada. Zilch. No fast food. I even went to get fast food for David one night at Taco Bell and would usually stop at McDonald's for me but didn't even think about it. If wasn't until after I got home that I realized that I didn't even want to stop for fast food. I've come a long way in 8 weeks. I know I can have fast food if I want it but I just don't want it. Losing weight and being healthy is far more important than eating junk or fast food. I'm loving my new life!