Thursday, May 10, 2012
Really out of breath
I got the dishes that were in the dishwasher put away. I am so out of breath though and my back aches so much that I have to take another break before I load the dishwasher again. Holy cow! I did get 2 things done though in less than half an hour. That's pretty good for me. I'll work on loading the dishwasher after I take a bit of a break. Carrying around this much weight is really difficult. I can't believe that I'm lugging around 284 pounds! I can't even imagine what it will be like to be 100 pounds less. Heck, I'm having a hard time imagining being 10 pounds less. I need to imagine it though to make it happen. They call it visualization or mental rehearsing. I need to spend time each day seeing myself at a lower weight. If I can see it I can make it happen. At least these bits of housework are getting me some activity points (AP's). I haven't been getting many so I haven't been tracking them. I'll start doing that more regularly. I even have heartburn from doing just this little bit of activity. This sucks! But at the same time it's good that I'm doing something and getting a few things done. Yay!
Boy, am I out of shape!
I just hung up all the shirts (about a dozen of them) and my back hurts, I'm out of breath and it hurt to stand up. Yikes! I really need to do more each day so that just doing daily tasks isn't so hard. It only took about 10 minutes but it was work for me. Sheesh! I'll need to take a little break before I do the dishes. I still have laundry to do but I'm not sure I'll get to that today. One thing at a time though. I did get the shirts hung up. Yay! But I'm really out of shape. Boo!
Long day
It's only 1pm and it's already been a very long day. I miss going to a WW meeting today. I didn't go because Bayou is home and I don't like putting her in her kennel. She'll be in daycare tomorrow so I can go to my 10am meeting. I'm looking forward to the meeting already. Christine will be leading. I really enjoy her meetings.
Today I had Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast and PB&J and chips for lunch. I have no idea what I'm going to make for dinner. I have to plan out meals so I'm not in this position every day. I'm trying to follow The Peaceful Mom's menu plan (www.thepeacefulmom.com) but it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I'm just so picky about what I eat. There were things on the menu plan that I made that I didn't really like or knew I wouldn't like so I didn't make them. That left a lot of gaps that I didn't fill in. So now I don't know what to do for dinner tonight. I guess I could do spaghetti and a salad. I have all the stuff to do that.
I've wasted a lot of food this week and I really don't want to do that. I especially lose a lot of veggies because I don't use them. I'll have to see what's still fresh enough to use for a salad tonight. I'll do that before David gets home so if I need to go to the store I can do that once he gets home and can watch Bayou. I've got to stop wasting food. I even threw away some meat this week because it went bad. I still might have a pork roast that is past the expiration date. I'll have to check on it to see.
I could have done a lot of things today but instead kind of wasted the day just sitting around. I have laundry, dishes, meal planning and activity to do and instead I sat in my chair or laid on the couch. I have no motivation to do anything. That's not going to help me lose weight! I need to be on top of things and get some activity points while I'm doing the things that need to be done. I've had shirts sitting in the bedroom for days needing to be hung up. I have dishes in the dishwasher that need to be put away and dirty dishes that need to go in the dishwasher to get caught up on dishes. I need to inventory the fridge and cabinets to see what I have and do some meal planning. I'm sure I have enough stuff to make a bunch of meals (or at least parts of meals). I just have to get creative with what I have. I signed up for eMeals too but didn't really like the menu (too much in the carb category) so I paid $18 for something I'm not really going to use. I have to stop wasting money!
How do I motivate myself to do stuff? I am motivated to go to meetings and to blog. I'm also motivated to track everything that I'm eating. I'm not motivated to meet the GHG's (Good Healthy Guidelines) that I need to meet every day. I'm not drinking any water or tea. I have to increase my fluids intake with something besides soda. I don't have any soda in the house and I'm determined to not get any at the store so I don't drink anything. I take a few sips of water throughout the day and that's it. That's not good.
Just wanting to keep it real. I'm still excited about the 5.2 lbs. I lost. I put up the picture that I hope will motivate me. I just need to get into the habit of doing things. I need to make myself do things until I feel like doing them. I may not feel like doing things for quite a while but I need to do them anyway. I need to make these things habits. If I can make myself do things through this month then maybe by the end of the month more things will be habits and will be easier to do. I know I'll lose weight just by eating better and tracking but I'm not going to lose the optimum amount of weight if I sit in my chair all the time. I want to be more active but it's hard to get going. It's easier to sit and do nothing. Well, not nothing completely, I do get up to let Bayou in and out all day long. lol I have a pedometer and I need to wear it to see how much activity I'm getting each day. I know I'm probably doing more than I realize but there is so much more that I really need to do.
I guess instead of sitting her blogging all day I should get up and do some stuff around the house (hang up those shirts, put those dishes away, load the dishwasher, inventory the kitchen). Argh! It's so hard to get started. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who is lazy. I'm sure there have to be other people out there who have the same problem that I do and is struggling like I am. It just feels like I'm along. Most people probably don't talk about being lazy because they don't want to out themselves. I'm hoping that by being honest about this that it will help me to get moving.
Okay, I'm going to go hang up shirts and then see how I feel. I know it will be difficult physically. I will hurt and get out of breath but I can survive that. I have to do something today so I don't feel like I'm wasting a whole day. Off I go...
Today I had Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast and PB&J and chips for lunch. I have no idea what I'm going to make for dinner. I have to plan out meals so I'm not in this position every day. I'm trying to follow The Peaceful Mom's menu plan (www.thepeacefulmom.com) but it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I'm just so picky about what I eat. There were things on the menu plan that I made that I didn't really like or knew I wouldn't like so I didn't make them. That left a lot of gaps that I didn't fill in. So now I don't know what to do for dinner tonight. I guess I could do spaghetti and a salad. I have all the stuff to do that.
I've wasted a lot of food this week and I really don't want to do that. I especially lose a lot of veggies because I don't use them. I'll have to see what's still fresh enough to use for a salad tonight. I'll do that before David gets home so if I need to go to the store I can do that once he gets home and can watch Bayou. I've got to stop wasting food. I even threw away some meat this week because it went bad. I still might have a pork roast that is past the expiration date. I'll have to check on it to see.
I could have done a lot of things today but instead kind of wasted the day just sitting around. I have laundry, dishes, meal planning and activity to do and instead I sat in my chair or laid on the couch. I have no motivation to do anything. That's not going to help me lose weight! I need to be on top of things and get some activity points while I'm doing the things that need to be done. I've had shirts sitting in the bedroom for days needing to be hung up. I have dishes in the dishwasher that need to be put away and dirty dishes that need to go in the dishwasher to get caught up on dishes. I need to inventory the fridge and cabinets to see what I have and do some meal planning. I'm sure I have enough stuff to make a bunch of meals (or at least parts of meals). I just have to get creative with what I have. I signed up for eMeals too but didn't really like the menu (too much in the carb category) so I paid $18 for something I'm not really going to use. I have to stop wasting money!
How do I motivate myself to do stuff? I am motivated to go to meetings and to blog. I'm also motivated to track everything that I'm eating. I'm not motivated to meet the GHG's (Good Healthy Guidelines) that I need to meet every day. I'm not drinking any water or tea. I have to increase my fluids intake with something besides soda. I don't have any soda in the house and I'm determined to not get any at the store so I don't drink anything. I take a few sips of water throughout the day and that's it. That's not good.
Just wanting to keep it real. I'm still excited about the 5.2 lbs. I lost. I put up the picture that I hope will motivate me. I just need to get into the habit of doing things. I need to make myself do things until I feel like doing them. I may not feel like doing things for quite a while but I need to do them anyway. I need to make these things habits. If I can make myself do things through this month then maybe by the end of the month more things will be habits and will be easier to do. I know I'll lose weight just by eating better and tracking but I'm not going to lose the optimum amount of weight if I sit in my chair all the time. I want to be more active but it's hard to get going. It's easier to sit and do nothing. Well, not nothing completely, I do get up to let Bayou in and out all day long. lol I have a pedometer and I need to wear it to see how much activity I'm getting each day. I know I'm probably doing more than I realize but there is so much more that I really need to do.
I guess instead of sitting her blogging all day I should get up and do some stuff around the house (hang up those shirts, put those dishes away, load the dishwasher, inventory the kitchen). Argh! It's so hard to get started. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who is lazy. I'm sure there have to be other people out there who have the same problem that I do and is struggling like I am. It just feels like I'm along. Most people probably don't talk about being lazy because they don't want to out themselves. I'm hoping that by being honest about this that it will help me to get moving.
Okay, I'm going to go hang up shirts and then see how I feel. I know it will be difficult physically. I will hurt and get out of breath but I can survive that. I have to do something today so I don't feel like I'm wasting a whole day. Off I go...
A 5 lb. bag of sugar
I woke up this morning knowing that I'm 5.2 lbs. lighter today. I remember our WW leader telling us that 5 lbs. is a whole bag of sugar. I'd have trouble carrying that around in my arms all day yet I lugged it around on my body all day long. It's amazing to think that I lost that much already. I'm sure that with each 5 lbs. that I lose I'll feel better and better. I know it will help my knee feel better too. I'm so excited about losing weight that I can't wait for next week to get here so I can see that I've lost some more. I can't rest on my laurels though. I have to continue to make healthier choices and keep on tracking. This plan only works if you follow it. I have so many things I need to add into my day but I'll do it a little bit at a time so I don't feel overwhelmed. Some of the things I need to add in are:
* drink more water/tea (48 oz)
* eat more fruits and veggies (5-6/day)
* include 2 servings of dairy
* take my multivitamin
* take my supplements (including Omega 3 oil)
* do more activity
Those are the Good Healthy Guidelines and I need to do them every day. If I do them I am more apt to lose at least 2 pounds a week. I'm hoping that because I'm so overweight that I'll lose a little more each week but if it's 2 pounds, I'll take it. It will all depend on me and how willing I am to follow the plan.
Getting the activity in is where I struggle right now because of the pain in my right knee. I'd love to be able to hike but I don't think my knee would tolerate that. I need to see if there is a treadmill in the workout room at the clubhouse. That would really help me I think. At least then I'd know how my knee would tolerate walking without being out on a trail and having trouble walking back to the car. Plus it would be a flat surface and I think my knee would do better with that than with a bumpy trail. Getting myself to get over there is a whole 'nother story. I lack motivation to work out. I'm going to have to figure out a way to get myself motivated to go there a few times a week at least. I need to hang up a "before" picture of me that I can look at every day to remind me why I need to do this. I'll work on that as soon as I finish blogging.
I got my old weight tracking books out and I am at 16 weeks total. Hopefully they will count all that so I can get my 16 week token. I'm also very close to where I was when I quit over the winter. I'm less than a pound away from my 5%. I already have that sticker though so I won't need it again. I'll show Dori my weight trackers next week and see if she can enter my original weight so I'm starting from there. Everything I do from this point on is pure effort on my part and not duplication. So I need to be looking at losing this next 5 lbs. Then I'll get a sticker for 5 lbs lost and getting into a new decade (the 270's). Before I know it I'll be at 10%!
I just need to keep my eye on the prize, being at goal weight. I know it's going to take time and that I'm going to hit some plateaus and lack motivation at times, but as long as I can get to at least 1 meeting a week, I'll be doing okay. I hope to keep up with 3 meetings a week for as long as I can. Seeing other leaders and other people will be good for me mentally as well as physically. I know my motivation will change as I go along but I hope I can always find something to keep me going. One guy last night talked about being a distance runner and how when you are nearing the finish line you put on your kick to get there. That's how I want to be with every 5 lbs. I want to want that weight loss so bad that I really work for it each week. I need to keep making healthier and smarter choices (like not getting fast food last night). I need to stay away from the convenience stores so I'm not eating candy and drinking soda. That was one of the best things I did last go round was to stay away from the 7-Eleven. That really helped with my weight loss. I can do it again this time too. It will take time to get used to not having soda every day but I know I can do it because I've done it before.
Okay, it's time to get a picture printed out to remind me of why I'm doing this. I don't want to be this fat. I want to reach my goal of 174 lbs (and maybe even less once I get there) and be able to buy regular clothes and be able to walk up and down stairs without being winded and do the grocery shopping without having to take the day off and take a shower without having to rest afterward. There are so many things I want to be able to do once I lose the weight. I CAN DO THIS!
* drink more water/tea (48 oz)
* eat more fruits and veggies (5-6/day)
* include 2 servings of dairy
* take my multivitamin
* take my supplements (including Omega 3 oil)
* do more activity
Those are the Good Healthy Guidelines and I need to do them every day. If I do them I am more apt to lose at least 2 pounds a week. I'm hoping that because I'm so overweight that I'll lose a little more each week but if it's 2 pounds, I'll take it. It will all depend on me and how willing I am to follow the plan.
Getting the activity in is where I struggle right now because of the pain in my right knee. I'd love to be able to hike but I don't think my knee would tolerate that. I need to see if there is a treadmill in the workout room at the clubhouse. That would really help me I think. At least then I'd know how my knee would tolerate walking without being out on a trail and having trouble walking back to the car. Plus it would be a flat surface and I think my knee would do better with that than with a bumpy trail. Getting myself to get over there is a whole 'nother story. I lack motivation to work out. I'm going to have to figure out a way to get myself motivated to go there a few times a week at least. I need to hang up a "before" picture of me that I can look at every day to remind me why I need to do this. I'll work on that as soon as I finish blogging.
I got my old weight tracking books out and I am at 16 weeks total. Hopefully they will count all that so I can get my 16 week token. I'm also very close to where I was when I quit over the winter. I'm less than a pound away from my 5%. I already have that sticker though so I won't need it again. I'll show Dori my weight trackers next week and see if she can enter my original weight so I'm starting from there. Everything I do from this point on is pure effort on my part and not duplication. So I need to be looking at losing this next 5 lbs. Then I'll get a sticker for 5 lbs lost and getting into a new decade (the 270's). Before I know it I'll be at 10%!
I just need to keep my eye on the prize, being at goal weight. I know it's going to take time and that I'm going to hit some plateaus and lack motivation at times, but as long as I can get to at least 1 meeting a week, I'll be doing okay. I hope to keep up with 3 meetings a week for as long as I can. Seeing other leaders and other people will be good for me mentally as well as physically. I know my motivation will change as I go along but I hope I can always find something to keep me going. One guy last night talked about being a distance runner and how when you are nearing the finish line you put on your kick to get there. That's how I want to be with every 5 lbs. I want to want that weight loss so bad that I really work for it each week. I need to keep making healthier and smarter choices (like not getting fast food last night). I need to stay away from the convenience stores so I'm not eating candy and drinking soda. That was one of the best things I did last go round was to stay away from the 7-Eleven. That really helped with my weight loss. I can do it again this time too. It will take time to get used to not having soda every day but I know I can do it because I've done it before.
Okay, it's time to get a picture printed out to remind me of why I'm doing this. I don't want to be this fat. I want to reach my goal of 174 lbs (and maybe even less once I get there) and be able to buy regular clothes and be able to walk up and down stairs without being winded and do the grocery shopping without having to take the day off and take a shower without having to rest afterward. There are so many things I want to be able to do once I lose the weight. I CAN DO THIS!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Weighed in tonight - lost 5.2 lbs!
My knee is hurting a lot tonight and I could have decided against going to the 5:30pm WW meeting tonight but I knew that going was the right thing to do. I had gone to this meeting in the past and liked the meeting and the leader, Dori. Tonight's meeting was about motivation (this week's topic). It was good to hear about what motivates other people. It made me think a lot about what motivated me to go back to WW and what will keep me motivated going forward. There were a lot of people who had the same motivations that I do - health concerns, seeing a picture of how we look right now, wanting to live a more active life, etc. There were even some people who said that the stickers motivate them too. That made me feel good because I felt a bit like a nerd liking the stickers. LOL I didn't participate tonight beyond shaking my head in agreement to some things but I really felt connected in this meeting. Dori did all of the usual rewards that she does including the decade sticker (for going from the 280's to the 270's for example). I really like that she really focuses on the achievements that everyone has had that week. I knew after being there for the meeting that I was going to make this my weigh in meeting of the week. I didn't weigh in though before the meeting because I didn't know what I was going to do.
After the meeting I stayed for the Power Start sessions which was Power Choices this week. I really needed to hear that I have choices to make every day, every meal. I was going to get fast food after the meeting tonight but after the Power Start session I decided that it wouldn't be a good choice to do that. I'm glad that I made that choice. I did talk to Dori after the Power Start session. I told her that I hadn't weighed in and she said I could still do that tonight. I was down 5.2 pounds since I last weighed in on April 29th. That made me feel really good. I also asked Dori about whether or not my original weight and meetings would count now. She said I could bring in my weight tracker book and she would enter my original starting weight (298.4). My weight tonight was 284.4 (down 14 pounds total now). I'm hoping my prior meetings count because I'll be at my 16 weeks and get the 16 weeks token. If they don't count that 's okay. I can ride it out again. I'll see what Dori says next week. I'm still going to go to the Friday meeting but I just won't weigh in.
I'm really excited that I've found the meeting for me to weigh in each week. I like all the rewards that Dori does and I just like the meeting she leads. I also am inspired by her because she lost over 100 pounds so she is a role model for me. She's been with WW for over 18 years! I just hope that she doesn't leave like Karen did. That was hard on me. I have to remind myself that it can happen and that I have to stick with it even if a particular leader leaves. I also feel good that I'm losing weight. I haven't been making the best food choices, haven't been exercising or meeting the Good Healthy Guidelines every day and yet I've still lost weight. That doesn't make me feel complacent though. It makes me think that if I do those things that I will continue the weight loss. I know that 2 lbs a weeks after the first few weeks is the optimal weight loss and if I can lose 2 lbs a week I'll lose 100 pounds in a years time. That's a long time but I've been overweight for about 20 years now so if I have to wait a year, I can do that.
So, I've found the meeting for me, lost more weight and feel good about things even though my knee is killing me. All in all a great day.
After the meeting I stayed for the Power Start sessions which was Power Choices this week. I really needed to hear that I have choices to make every day, every meal. I was going to get fast food after the meeting tonight but after the Power Start session I decided that it wouldn't be a good choice to do that. I'm glad that I made that choice. I did talk to Dori after the Power Start session. I told her that I hadn't weighed in and she said I could still do that tonight. I was down 5.2 pounds since I last weighed in on April 29th. That made me feel really good. I also asked Dori about whether or not my original weight and meetings would count now. She said I could bring in my weight tracker book and she would enter my original starting weight (298.4). My weight tonight was 284.4 (down 14 pounds total now). I'm hoping my prior meetings count because I'll be at my 16 weeks and get the 16 weeks token. If they don't count that 's okay. I can ride it out again. I'll see what Dori says next week. I'm still going to go to the Friday meeting but I just won't weigh in.
I'm really excited that I've found the meeting for me to weigh in each week. I like all the rewards that Dori does and I just like the meeting she leads. I also am inspired by her because she lost over 100 pounds so she is a role model for me. She's been with WW for over 18 years! I just hope that she doesn't leave like Karen did. That was hard on me. I have to remind myself that it can happen and that I have to stick with it even if a particular leader leaves. I also feel good that I'm losing weight. I haven't been making the best food choices, haven't been exercising or meeting the Good Healthy Guidelines every day and yet I've still lost weight. That doesn't make me feel complacent though. It makes me think that if I do those things that I will continue the weight loss. I know that 2 lbs a weeks after the first few weeks is the optimal weight loss and if I can lose 2 lbs a week I'll lose 100 pounds in a years time. That's a long time but I've been overweight for about 20 years now so if I have to wait a year, I can do that.
So, I've found the meeting for me, lost more weight and feel good about things even though my knee is killing me. All in all a great day.
It's a new day
Today I am grateful for it being a new day. Yesterday was rough and I don't care to carry over those negative feelings. I got up around 8am and took a shower. That made me feel good. Then I dropped Bayou off at daycare. Now I'm killing time until I have to leave for my appointment with Alicia. I really wanted to cancel today but I'm making myself go so I'll get out of the house. I tire so easily that leaving the house isn't much fun. Plus I'm always feeling like people are staring at me because I'm so fat. I always feel like the fattest person wherever I go. Today though, I'm not going to let those things get to me and keep me imprisoned in my own home. I deserve to be out there just as much as everyone else does. So I've hit the reset button for today and I'm starting over again.
I know that this weight loss journey is going to take a long time. I didn't gain all this weight overnight and I won't lose it overnight either. I can't just rely on the scale to make everything right. I have to know in my heart and in my mind that I'm making progress every day even if I don't see it on the scale. I did weigh myself after my shower today and I've lost 6 pounds in 2 weeks. Of course that was without any clothes on so it isn't the same when I weigh in at my WW meeting. I will weigh in on this Friday and I am looking forward to a loss though. I have been keeping within my points even if I'm not making the healthiest of food choices every day. I haven't always been using all my daily points and haven't used any of my weekly points yet. I'm okay with that. I don't have to use the weekly points if I don't want to use them. It's good to know that they are there for me though if I need or want them. I'd rather lose weight than use points just to use them.
My allergies are really bad and the allergy medicine makes me drowsy. I hate feeling drowsy all the time but I'm miserable if i don't take the allergy medicine. It's hard for me to get motivated to do any physical activity because of this drowsiness. Today I'm going to try to get caught up on dishes and laundry. That will give me some activity points (AP's). I need to be more active but I'm just too tired to do anything. My knee hurts a lot so walking doesn't sound like fun at all to me. It would take me 20 minutes to drive over there just to do a 15 minute walk (if I could do that much) and then 20 minutes to drive home. I don't feel like doing that with a hurt knee. Today my elbows were hurting again too. I hope I'm not getting sick again. I'm going to continue WW no matter what this time. I'm not going to let the pain keep me from meetings and eating better. It may keep me from walking or other activity but I have to stay on plan this time. I feel bad that I quit this winter. I would have been so much further along if I had stuck with it. No matter though, I'm back to it and back on plan.
I don't know if I'm starting all over again with my weeks attended because I quit for a while. I almost had 16 weeks and would have got the 16 week charm if I had stuck with it. Now I'll just have to wait and see when I get it. If I have to start all over again there's no one to blame but me. I can do this though and get that 16 week charm. I'm looking forward to that reward. So it will be a complete surprise to me when I get it. That's not a bad thing.
I need to get ready for my appointment. I was going to wear flip flops but my feet are too cold. I have to go get some socks to warm my feet up. lol Here's to a great, new day!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
It's been a long, long time...
It's been about 4 1/2 months since I last made a blog entry. I didn't start feeling good until February and just got out of the habit of blogging, going to meetings and taking care of myself. I started back to Weight Watchers a week and a half ago. I've been to 3 meetings. It feels good to be back to WW. I can't say that I'm back on track yet though. Just as I was joining WW my right knee started really hurting. It's still hurting. I'm determined to not let it make me quit WW again though but I'm really bummed out to be in so much pain. I can start feeling pain in my arms and legs again too. I know that losing weight can only help so I need to just keep on keeping on. I wanted to get the dishes and laundry caught up today but wasn't able to because of the knee pain. I know I'm not going to have any less pain tomorrow so I'm feeling bummed out tonight. I did do some Qi Gong yesterday sitting in a chair. It's not a great workout but it does make me feel better to be doing something.
I'm staying within my daily/weekly points on WW but not making the best choices (donuts, soda, chips, etc.). I know it will take time to get back on track with the eating. For now just keeping within my points is a good thing. Making better choices will come with time. I'm trying to go to 3 meetings a week. Now that everyone uses the same flip charts is a little repetitive but the repetition is actually good for me. Every leader does bring their own spin on the topic of the week. This week's topic is "motivation" ironically. I went to Pat's meeting yesterday. She greeted me in the lobby and said she had been thinking about me. She hugged me and said she was glad that I was back. I felt good that she missed me and remembered me. I enjoy her meetings. I'm going to try to go to Dori's Wednesday night meeting and then Christine's Friday morning meeting where I'll weigh in. I weighed in the first Sunday that I went to WW and was at 289.6. The following Friday I did an unofficial weigh in with Christine at was at 286. It was unofficial because I couldn't weigh in again within the same week. So I'll weigh in on Friday's from now on.
I'm trying to tell myself that it's only 5 pounds at a time that I have to look at but right now I'm seeing that I have well over 100 pounds to lose and it's hard to think that I'll ever lose that much. I am inspired by a lady in the WW online community though. She's lost 133 pounds! So I know it's possible, it just takes time and effort. If I lost 2 lbs a week it would take me about a year to lose 100 pounds. That's a long road but honestly what alternative do I have? I don't want to be this fat and I don't want to hurt this much so I have to do something. I know if I can lose just 10 pounds that it will make a difference with my knee. The more weight I can lose the better I will feel. I want to get back to walking/hiking but right now I don't think I can do it. Not only is the knee pain keeping me from doing it but I get out of breath so easily right now that it would be embarrassing to be out their in front of people. Sad but true.
I posted a picture of me today on the WW site for my "before" picture. I needed to do that so I would know that at some point there will be an "after" picture. This is the picture I used:
I honestly don't think it's my heaviest but it shows more of me than any other photo. I hate that my legs look like stumps. The only reason I'm smiling is because I didn't realize just how heavy I was at that point. I'm hoping that when I get to goal I'll be, literally, half the person that I am now. I should be able to fit both my legs into the pants I wear now. David made a comment the other day that my legs are the biggest they've ever been. It was very insensitive of him but unfortunately true. I was 10 pounds heavier when I joined WW last September but I am very big right now. Ten pounds doesn't make that big a difference with all the weight I have. I mean, it will mean a lot to me, but I don't know that it will be evident when I lose 10 pounds right now. I did weigh in with Dr. Fouss on Monday and I was down from when I was in there a month ago so that was good. I don't see him again for 3 months and I'm hoping I will have lost about 20 - 25 pounds by then. That should be noticeable.
I keep thinking about pictures of me from the 80's and how I was always in motion or was somewhere doing something. Now pictures of me are always sitting in chairs. That's sad to me. I don't really want any pictures of me right now anyway but I'll need to take photos once a month to show my progress. (In my head I'm thinking "will there really be any progress?") I keep looking at thin women and thinking that some day I'll look like that. I want to have legs that have definition. I want to have ankles not cankles (calf that go all the way to my feet, with no ankles showing). Someday I know I can have that. Someday I won't be ashamed to go out in public. I won't worry that I'll be the fattest person in the room. Someday.
I'm staying within my daily/weekly points on WW but not making the best choices (donuts, soda, chips, etc.). I know it will take time to get back on track with the eating. For now just keeping within my points is a good thing. Making better choices will come with time. I'm trying to go to 3 meetings a week. Now that everyone uses the same flip charts is a little repetitive but the repetition is actually good for me. Every leader does bring their own spin on the topic of the week. This week's topic is "motivation" ironically. I went to Pat's meeting yesterday. She greeted me in the lobby and said she had been thinking about me. She hugged me and said she was glad that I was back. I felt good that she missed me and remembered me. I enjoy her meetings. I'm going to try to go to Dori's Wednesday night meeting and then Christine's Friday morning meeting where I'll weigh in. I weighed in the first Sunday that I went to WW and was at 289.6. The following Friday I did an unofficial weigh in with Christine at was at 286. It was unofficial because I couldn't weigh in again within the same week. So I'll weigh in on Friday's from now on.
I'm trying to tell myself that it's only 5 pounds at a time that I have to look at but right now I'm seeing that I have well over 100 pounds to lose and it's hard to think that I'll ever lose that much. I am inspired by a lady in the WW online community though. She's lost 133 pounds! So I know it's possible, it just takes time and effort. If I lost 2 lbs a week it would take me about a year to lose 100 pounds. That's a long road but honestly what alternative do I have? I don't want to be this fat and I don't want to hurt this much so I have to do something. I know if I can lose just 10 pounds that it will make a difference with my knee. The more weight I can lose the better I will feel. I want to get back to walking/hiking but right now I don't think I can do it. Not only is the knee pain keeping me from doing it but I get out of breath so easily right now that it would be embarrassing to be out their in front of people. Sad but true.
I posted a picture of me today on the WW site for my "before" picture. I needed to do that so I would know that at some point there will be an "after" picture. This is the picture I used:
I honestly don't think it's my heaviest but it shows more of me than any other photo. I hate that my legs look like stumps. The only reason I'm smiling is because I didn't realize just how heavy I was at that point. I'm hoping that when I get to goal I'll be, literally, half the person that I am now. I should be able to fit both my legs into the pants I wear now. David made a comment the other day that my legs are the biggest they've ever been. It was very insensitive of him but unfortunately true. I was 10 pounds heavier when I joined WW last September but I am very big right now. Ten pounds doesn't make that big a difference with all the weight I have. I mean, it will mean a lot to me, but I don't know that it will be evident when I lose 10 pounds right now. I did weigh in with Dr. Fouss on Monday and I was down from when I was in there a month ago so that was good. I don't see him again for 3 months and I'm hoping I will have lost about 20 - 25 pounds by then. That should be noticeable.
I keep thinking about pictures of me from the 80's and how I was always in motion or was somewhere doing something. Now pictures of me are always sitting in chairs. That's sad to me. I don't really want any pictures of me right now anyway but I'll need to take photos once a month to show my progress. (In my head I'm thinking "will there really be any progress?") I keep looking at thin women and thinking that some day I'll look like that. I want to have legs that have definition. I want to have ankles not cankles (calf that go all the way to my feet, with no ankles showing). Someday I know I can have that. Someday I won't be ashamed to go out in public. I won't worry that I'll be the fattest person in the room. Someday.
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