It is just shy of one year since the last time I posted here. Nothing has changed. Actually yes it has changed. It's worse now. I could have written the same post today. That is very sad to me. I have an appointment with my primary care doctor tomorrow afternoon to get test results. I'm also waiting on test results from my second ACTH test. I had this one done up in Denver. To date no one has yet taken the time to look at the big picture or patterns and trends of my labs and symptoms. It's very frustrating. I'm extremely irritated today. Everything David does makes me mad. He just told me to call the community office tomorrow and tell them that they can't h-*ave anyone play with a ball out in the playground anymore. Um, we chose to live right next to the pool and the playground so we have to put up with balls thrown and kicked into the side of the house sometimes. I'm not going to call and tell them no one can play ball on the playground. If he wants to he can but I'm not going to do that.

I'm having some strange, new symptoms today. Since mid April I've been stumbling. I'm afraid people will think I'm drunk in public. In the beginning of May I hit my head one night but have no memory of how I did it. I had a lump and bruise on my forehead the next morning. I've been having trouble for a few weeks with telling right from left especially when I look in the mirror. I know what side something is on but am convinced it's on the other side. This morning I woke up and didn't know what day or time it was. I had to ask David and still didn't believe it when he told me. I looked at my phone and didn't believe it either. I'm having a lot of trouble typing on the laptop today. I'm making lots of mistakes. It's irritating and annoying. I thought about going to the ER but don't want to deal with David. I could go myself so he could stay home with Bayou but I just don't feel like doing it today. I'll see the doctor tomorrow and see what he says.

I feel like I have so much going on that I don't know what to focus on or what to mention to the doctor. He at least seemed interested last time I saw him in helping me figure out what is going on. I don't know if I actually believe him or not. No one besides Shellie has really cared enough to look at the big picture. They don't have time, it's too complicated and it spans years. So who has time for that. I don't even have time for that. I've been spending all my time putting the puzzle pieces together but no one seems interested in looking at what I've put together. I've seen 3 specialists in the last month and all 3 have told me to come back in 2 months. What am I supposed to do in the mean time? Get sicker than I already am? I don't think that after 2 1/2 years I am going to magically get better by waiting for 2 months.

The new ideas they have are:

• too many steroids (oral, inhaled, sprays and injections and maybe topical) causing adrenal suppression or insufficiency
• it's all due to my state of obesity
• endocrine problems that don't seem to show up on tests
• HIV
• Lyme Disease
• an unknown illness/syndrome/condition

I don't know what to make of any of it. 

I'm cutting back on meds because:

• I'm taking too many (14!)
• I'm still not feeling good
• there are way too many interactions
• there are way too many side effects
• they are not solving the problems

In 17 hours I will see the doctor and I don't know exactly what to do. What's important? What's not? I don't know.

I try to pare it all down but it's almost impossible to do that with being sick for over 2 years.

I feel like I can't believe in tests because flagged tests mean nothing and tests come back normal when there is obviously something wrong. If I can't find someone who can help me I don't know what I will do. It's not like I can ignore this and just go on with my life. It's there every day whether I pay attention to it or not. I am beyond frustrated.

I don't want to have something wrong there just is something wrong.

Tired of it all today

I'm feeling really down today. Even if the doctor figures out what's wrong with me (hormones, adrenals, Lyme, thyroid, blah, blah, blah) the treatment for all of them seems so complicated. The more I read on facebook groups the less I want to know what's wrong. So many people feel worse by treating their illness. At least now I know I'm going to feel crappy. Why take hormone replacement or supplements or whatever and have it wreak havoc with my system? It doesn't seem worth the risk. I see Shellie in 9 days and I'm not even sure now that I want to ask her to run anymore tests. The only one I think I will do, because it's an at home test, is the A1AT deficiency test since I have a genetic marker for that one. I don't think I'm A1AT deficient but I'd like to know that for sure. I don't think that getting tested for Lyme Disease 25 years after I had been treated for it makes any sense even though a doctor recommended it. Adrenal fatigue isn't an illness even though a lot of people treat for it. There's no real way to test for adrenal fatigue. The tests they do are for adrenal disease, which I apparently don't have at this point. It's all so frustrating to me. I know I am fatigued, in pain, can't tolerate cold, am losing my hair and have trouble breathing but there's no labs that tell me why. I am B12 and Vitamin D deficient but I don't know if that accounts for what is going on with me. I guess I could talk to Shellie about that. I'm just feeling like it's all pointless today. Shellie isn't going to be able to do anything for me and I don't want to spend a ton of money on stuff that insurance won't cover (like supplements or BHRT). I can't afford it anyway. Frustrated and dejected.

I got all the fruits and veggies at Sprouts and haven't juiced any yet. I have eaten a few pieces of fruit but not enough to make a difference. I just feel like it's pointless. I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks juicing and gained it all back when I stopped juicing. I don't think I could do a 60 juice fast like Joe Cross did. In fact, I know I couldn't, mostly because David wouldn't be able to because of his diabetes. Doing it alone would be too difficult. I don't know what to do. I'm sick of getting tests done only to have the results come back negative. I don't want to have anything wrong with me but something is causing these symptoms. There are so many people out there with the same symptoms and everyone thinks it's something different causing it (adrenals, thyroid, pituitary, hormones, Lyme Disease, etc.). How is a person supposed to figure it out especially when there aren't any specific tests for all of these syndromes? Sometimes, like today, I think that if I just stopped thinking about it and got on with my life I'd be fine but I feel bad whether I want to or not. Just not thinking about it doesn't change it. This pity party I'm having today isn't helping me either. Nothing helps.

So where do I go from here? I could ask Shellie what she would do if she were me but I'm afraid to hear her answer. I think that mostly she is just humouring me. I mean, I don't think she's running the tests for no reason, she knows I'm not feeling good but really, a year into it and I still don't know much of anything. Nowhere is where I go from here. At least for today. I'm still waiting on test results but don't think they will show much beyond the vitamin deficiencies. I'm not taking any supplements for them right now because I want the test results before I treat for anything. I was hoping Shellie would have called me by now but I may just have to wait until I see her on the 9th. I'm getting tired of waiting for test results and doctor's appointments. I'm just sick of it today.

Shopping for fruits and veggies is fun!

I got up early this morning and went to Sprouts to load myself up with fruits, veggies and nuts. I felt better just doing that. I'm not hungry though so I haven't really eaten anything today besides some walnuts. Tomorrow I will start juicing again. I also was able to get to the pet store to get food for Bayou. Great accomplishments considering how bad I feel.

I had my phone conference with Dr. Nancy Mullan this morning. She spent about 25 minutes with me. She suggested some testing and finding a doctor who can help me. I'd hate to not see Shellie but I do need someone who can actually do something besides order tests. One of the tests Dr. Mullan suggested was a Lyme Disease test by IGeneX labs. I contacted them today and they are sending me a kit in the mail tomorrow. I was treated for Lyme Disease about 25 years ago. I was on an antibiotic for a while but then never really followed up on it. I hope Shellie will humor me and have blood drawn for the test. If she doesn't I don't know what I will do. Dr. Mullan also said I should get a serum Lithium test done. I'll ask Shellie about that and the FT3, RT3 and TgAB thyroid tests. I've already been looking for doctors who treat alternatively. I found a couple here in town who both take my insurance. I need someone like Shellie who will work with me but can then know what to do to treat me. I'm just kind of tired of the whole thing today. I don't want to give up because I have to feel better but I'm just too exhausted to keep up this mental pace.

At least I got to the store today.

Still ill

I'm eating poorly, I'm not sleeping well and I'm tired and sore. I've been doing a lot of research and lab results organizing which isn't really helping me right now. I'm still waiting on test results from the 18th. It could be another week before I hear anything so I have to be patient. But I don't want to be patient. I want answers now. I'm not doing myself any favors by the way I'm eating so I've gained back all the weight I lost. I need to get back to juicing and a plant based diet but I'm so fatigued that  thinking of doing that exhausts me even more. I'm going to do it though, whether I like it or not. It's what is best for me. Not eating or eating just junk isn't good. In fact, it's terrible. I can feel the poisons I'm putting in my body. I need to get good fruits and veggies and nuts and seeds in my body again. Tonight I feel bloated and sick to my stomach. That's what I get for going off the food plan I was on. I'm not drinking any water either and that never helps. I'm very dehydrated. I can feel it in my feet of all places. They are cramping up. I'd like to go to the store tomorrow but may not make it until Friday. I have to get a shower, which right now exhausts me, and I have a 15 phone conference with a doctor in California at 10:30am. I've been getting up later because I feel bad again and it's going to be hot tomorrow so going out later in the morning won't work. I may just have to do it though because Bayou needs dog food. She'll be out by afternoon time tomorrow. And it's almost 1am and I just took my meds about a half hour ago so I won't be sleepy for probably another half hour. I'm just really treating myself poorly right now. I feel like I shouldn't ask anyone for help because I'm not willing to help myself. I have to be willing to make changes first. No one can do anything for me if I'm not going to jump in first. I'm getting more depressed with each passing day. And I know it's all due to the poor eating habits I'm back into. I better try to go to bed. I'm just depressing myself even more. Goodnight.

Overwhelmed with information

I've been doing a lot of reading about genetics, B12 deficiency, Paleo diet and test results. I'm trying to educate myself for my next appointment with Shellie. I watched a one and a half hour video today about the MTHFR gene and what happens when it doesn't work correctly. It was fascinating! I learned a lot even though there were some things I did not understand at all. I tried to focus on the B12 stuff this time around and what the protocol is for dealing with the issues I'm dealing with. One of the things that really stuck out for me was that I have to get protein in my diet. I'm going to check into the Paleo diet more and see if it is something that I could sustain. My eating hasn't been great the last couple of days because I'm not all that hungry. In fact, I don't think I've had anything at all to eat yet today and it's almost 2:30pm. That's not good. I have to get back on track with my eating as soon as possible. It's hard though because I am so tired and have absolutely no energy. It's hard to stand for very long. I think I will make myself a turkey and cheese bagel though just so I have something. I'm running low on a lot of things but don't have the energy to go to the store today. I'll try to go in the morning. I guess a banana would be good to eat too. Just something to get some food in my stomach. I'm not strong enough right now to make a juice. It takes too much energy to get all the fruits and veggies ready and then stand there and juice it all. Even though it only takes about 10 minutes total I just can't do it today. That's how bad I'm feeling. I'm anxious to get my test results back from Shellie. I want to know what my B12 and D3 are doing along with the hormones she is testing. I won't be surprised if it all comes back normal though. I made a complimentary 15 minute appointment with a doctor in California. I don't know what she can tell me in 15 minutes but I'm happy to talk to her. Her consult fee is really high so I don't know if I would follow up with her at this time (I'll have to save up for whomever I consult with) but I'm grateful that she gives out so much information and is willing to talk to me for 15 minutes. I'd like to see a genetics doctor through my insurance but I don't know that they would be of much help. I'll talk to Shellie about it and see what she thinks. I can always do my own consult with someone on the phone if a genetics doctor isn't in the cards. I'll just have to put money aside until I can afford it. It will have to be done eventually. But first I think I need to change my diet and wait on test results before I do anything. The video I watched cautioned everyone to not just start dumping supplements into your body all at once. There are steps to be taken first and then adding the supplements one at a time every three days. There is a lot to digest but I'm doing my best to understand and take it all in.

The cleaning lady is here right now so I'll wait until she leaves to get something to eat. I'm feeling kind of hungry right now which is good. I'll start with a banana and work my way up to a sandwich if I can. I have to do what is easy at this point because I'm so low on energy. I know if I eat better I will feel better but the paradox is that I don't have the get up and go to do anything. Mornings are better for me and since I only slept about 2 hours last night I'm even more tired than usual. I'll have to make a point of going to bed by 10pm tonight and not staying up all night doing research. I also put a binder together of all my lab results, genetic testing and symptoms. It's all in one place now. It will be easier to deal with that way. I can take it with me to my appointments if I need to but probably won't have a great need to do that this next time. I'll just bring the page that has my questions on it. Being organized is my thing and just knowing that I have that binder makes me feel better.

There are about 6 fires burning in Colorado right now and the smoke from some of them is reaching us in Colorado Springs. It's been hazy and smells like a campfire outside. It's irritating my throat and eyes. These fires will be burning for days or longer so there's not much relief in sight unless the wind blows in a different direction. I'm using the inhaler Shellie gave me but I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting. I'm going to ask on the STTM board if it is hurting me to use it. I don't think it's helping with the air hunger yet but I guess I won't know if I don't use it consistently. I won't use it though if people on the board say it can be harmful to someone in my situation.

Bayou has been in her kennel for almost 3 hours now. She's being so good today. I can't wait to let her out once the cleaning lady is done. I'm grateful to have someone clean the house though because there is no way I could do it. Just doing the dishes and laundry is plenty for me. And I have to be up by 8:30am tomorrow because the guy is coming to mow the lawn at 9am. David was thinking of going up to Denver with Gabe tomorrow but I don't think he'll end up doing that. I'd prefer that he stay home. He wouldn't have to leave until about 11am but I'd like him to be home with me tomorrow. I miss him when he is at work. I get lonely sometimes. Lynn didn't answer her phone so I haven't really had anyone to talk to and I have so much going on that I want to talk about. I'm sure she'll call me later when she gets up. I think she was up all night too.

That's it for now. The cleaning lady is almost done. David will be home soon too. He was going to look at some golf clubs after work (he got off at 1:30pm today because he went in very early). The pace will pick up a bit once Sharon is done and David gets home. It's not that I have to do a lot it just gets busy once Bayou is out of her kennel and wants to go in and out. Plus I need to do something for dinner. I'll probably just heat up leftovers for David and make a sandwich for myself. Okay, this is really it for now. LOL

Saw the PA today

I was nervous going in to see the PA today because I was so prepared (spreadsheet, requested tests, questions, etc.) but I should have known better. Shellie has been so cooperative and easy to work with in the past that I knew I could count on her. She appreciated my spreadsheet and me being so detailed. We went over all the tests I had written down and we discussed the ones I've already had and wouldn't need to repeat at this time. She did agree on redoing the B12 and Vitamin D test though since I have consistently been low on both and it's been 3 months since my last tests. She also agreed to look at the female hormones. We haven't tested those before and so she thought that would be appropriate. She also has a doctor in mind if I do have any issues. We talked about my 'air hunger' issue and she decided to give me an inhaler for 3-4 weeks to see if it helps. I've been wheezing once in awhile and she's hopeful it will help with that too. I got my blood drawn for the labs today and should have the results back within 2 weeks. I have an appointment to go back in 3 weeks to follow up on how effective the inhaler is with the 'air hunger' issue. Overall I feel the appointment went really well. Oh, and she also encouraged me to get Methyl B12 instead of using the tablets. I really felt like she listened to me and that she wants to help me figure out what is causing my fatigue, intolerance to cold, hair loss, lack of appetite, air hunger, etc. I don't want to get my hopes up too much that we'll find answers but I have to admit that I am feeling hopeful. If nothing else we can rule out some other issues.

I'm still very tired today. Just going to my doctor's appointment wore me out. I didn't get anything done around the house and certainly didn't get any grocery shopping done. I'm going to try to go to the grocery store tomorrow morning before it gets too hot or it rains. We're out of a lot of stuff so I have to go to the store. I made the sorbet last night without a banana and it was terrible. The banana gives it the right taste and consistency. Definitely have to get some bananas. I'll probably have to go to Sprout's and Target because I need some paper goods at Target and I need to get the Methyl B12 at Sprouts. Hopefully I can do both. Sprout's will be the priority though. Paper goods can wait until Thursday if I can't do both. If I get out there early enough I think I can do it.

I haven't juiced for 2 days now because standing at the counter is difficult. I'll try to get back to it tomorrow after I go to the store. I'll need a nutritious, refreshing juice once I get home.

So, it was an encouraging day even though I'm still feeling fatigued. That's it for now.

Feeling ill again

The last few days, even though I've been trying to eat well, I have been feeling sick again. I am fatigued, lethargic, cold, anxious, feel like I'm gasping for air at times and sleeping a lot more. I have trouble getting to sleep at night sometimes. Other nights I fight through sleepiness to get to bed without falling down. I feel off balance too. I do see the PA tomorrow morning so that's good timing. Oh and my appetite is waning again. I've put my significant labs in a spreadsheet for her to look at (I know, I'm such a geek and have too much time on my hands). I'm going to discuss some additional testing with her. I don't know which of the tests she will want to do, if any. I trust her judgement and will go along with whatever she wants to do (or not do). I'm tired of thinking of all this stuff and don't think they'll find anything through routine testing anyway. I never know when I'm going to feel this bad so it's very difficult to plan anything. Just walking around the house tires me out and hurts. My legs are sore again but not as bad as they were just a few days ago. I'm anxious to see Shellie tomorrow and see if she is just as stumped as Dr. Koren or if she would be willing to do some more testing. I'm not due for another CT scan until August to check on the benign growth on my adrenal gland. I want to keep an eye on it though since it did grow a small amount from December to February. Something is causing me to feel this way and I wish I could figure out what it is but testing is not really leading me anywhere at this point.

I did do some genetic testing on my own through 23andMe. I haven't decided yet if I will pursue researching it or not. It's very complicated and I'm not sure if it would help anyway. I think I'm just tired overall of looking through test results and trying to learn what it all means. I do know that I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. My B12 and D are consistently low for the past year at least. I'm sure that has something to do with how I'm feeling. I've been reading about B12 supplements and think there may be something more effective to take than B12 tablets. They haven't helped at all. There is a supplement called Methylcobalamin B12 (methylated B12) that are sublingual lozenges. They might be more helpful but I want to check with Shellie before I make any changes. I think the D3 I'm taking is okay though. I'll have to ask on the adrenal board I'm a part of to check on that for sure though. From the small amount that I could understand of the genetic testing it looks like B12 and D problems are an issue for me but I don't understand the testing well enough to know for sure.

I did ask about getting consults for the genetic testing and just to get additional info is $50. A consult with a doctor is $250 (which I can't afford). I don't think insurance will pay for that but I'm not sure. I'll have to check into that too. I may do the $50 consult though so I can get some more understanding and learn how to research my results.

Just want to be clear...

It is totally my fault that I couldn't continue doing a full on juice fast. The fast is totally doable and a great idea and like I said, I will do one in the future. If I could make myself drink enough water and juice I would have been okay. Because I have such a low appetite I couldn't make myself do it though. So I'm going to juice once a day and eat whole foods the rest of the time (which won't be much because I don't have much of an appetite). I have seens lots of people on videos and read testimonials of people who have successfully completed juice fasts. I think Joe Cross has the right idea and still recommend the movie, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" and his website, rebootwithjoe.com. Remember to talk to your doctor before doing a juice fast and get some basic lab work done. Also be cautious. If you have health issues and start the fast even with a doctor's approval and start feeling weak and sick then it's time to reconsider for now like I've done. I'll check with my PA again once I get my lab results and see if a juice fast is in my immediate future. I look forward to doing a juice fast. Most of the juices I made were delicious and lots of nutrition. I just wasn't getting enough. So, I just wanted to be clear that I'm not against a juice fast and in fact recommend it if you are healthy enough. I just happen to still be having too many issues to continue at this time. I'll still try to keep posting when I do make a juice and continue to post about my health issues and (hopeful) weight loss. Until next time, keep on juicing!

Broke my juice fast (*sad face*)

I felt so weak yesterday that I almost passed out. I'm not drinking enough water or juice. I can't make myself eat/drink a lot right now. So I broke my "fast" and had some turkey and cheese and some eggs last night. Today I had an egg again. I'm sad that I don't have enough of an appetite to do a juice fast at this point. If I could drink enough water and drink at least 3-4 juices a day I would probably be okay but I'm just not able to do it. I'm going to try to keep having at least one juice a day but supplement with some whole foods (fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, and protein). Fifteen pounds was a lot for me to lose in 2 weeks time. It's not a bad thing but because I'm not drinking enough it just made me too weak. My whole body was shaking yesterday. Taking a shower was a huge task. I kept having to rest. I feel much better today though. Just a little bit of whole foods makes a big difference. I don't feel shaky at all tonight nor near as weak as yesterday. I can't trust myself to drink enough water so I can't do a juice fast. I think part of the problem is whatever has been ailing me this past year. I've had these issues before but would just make myself eat something and drink more water and I would feel better. Having a very low appetite is difficult to deal with. I have to say though that eating tonight felt good and tasted good. I was being stubborn about not breaking my fast but realized that if wasn't healthy to feel the way I felt and that there is no shame in doing the right thing. I guess I was afraid of disappointing everyone by 'quitting'. I'm not forsaking eating well I'm just doing what will be healthy for me.

I did make an appointment with my Physician's Assistant on next Tuesday. I've done some research and got some help on a patient to patient board about what tests I should request next. I'm not expecting any of them to be out of the optimal range but think it would be a good idea just to check to be sure. The geek in me put all my lab work from the past 8 months on a spreadsheet so I could see what tests have been repeated and which ones were out of the optimal range. I was surprised at how many there were. I think once I show that to the PA she'll understand why I'm wanted to have further testing done. I really think the problems I'm having are due to adrenal gland issues. I don't think I have any specific disease (which is my my tests aren't showing anything) but have sluggish adrenals. That can wreak havoc on a body. I don't know if the tests I'm asking for will show anything but I'll feel better knowing I've had all the tests I should have considering the symptoms I'm having.

I still have some research to do to find out what some of the tests are even testing for but multiple abnormal results have me wanting to just get a baseline of everything right now. I just hope my PA will work with me. She's been pretty good about requesting tests but I've never really gone in asking for tests before. I guess there is a possibility I will have to do some now and some later just because of the number of tests but I would think that it would be possible to get them all done at one time. I don't know how many tubes of blood will be involved but I'm sure it will be a few. I wouldn't even ask for them if I wasn't still having multiple symptoms (fatigue, loss of appetite, anxiety, intolerance to cold and heat, weakness, shaking, palpitations, etc.). I have decided that once I get this round of testing done if nothing shows up I'll stop pursuing testing. I'll just wait until my next physical (October I think) and see how I'm doing then. That will be when I'm due for another CT scan of my adrenal glands to check the activity of the benign growth on my left adrenal gland. I'm just going to have to continue with eating a good diet and when I'm able to, walking and hiking. But for today I'm still tired just doing things around the house. If I can keep up with the house I'll be doing good. The kitchen really needs a clean up so I'll try to get to that tomorrow.

We're still going out to lunch on Saturday. I have a feeling that if I eat anything too heavy my stomach will bear the brunt of it so I'm going to be careful. It does feel good though to have a little more energy and stamina by eating some whole foods. I guess two days is better than no days of a juice fast. Once I'm feeling a little bit better and after my next round of testing I will try a juice fast again. If I have the same side effects I'll know to quit right away but hopefully it will work out next time. I haven't had a juice yet today and miss it. Weird, huh? I will have some sorbet in a little bit though. I'll start my day off tomorrow with a nice juice and go from there.

I've tried all kinds of tricks to get myself to drink water but nothing seems to work. I know that's part of my problem. I'm also B12 and D deficient and haven't been taking my supplements. That doesn't help either. I'll start taking them again tonight after I eat my sorbet.

I'll be asking my PA about doing 21 different tests. Yikes! I'm nervous about even asking. Hopefully I'll have the courage to do it. All she can do is say no. I won't be any worse off than I am right now. I'm just looking for information at this point. I don't think there is anything the doctor's will be able to do but there are some suggested supplements for certain issues. I will discuss all of them with my PA once I get test results back.

The fire is still burning north of us but seems to have settled down some today due to cooperating weather. Two families we know have lost their homes. Two people have died in the fire. Over 360 homes have been lost. It's such a tragedy. There's also a fire burning about an hour and a half from us at a park we have visited many times, Royal Gorge Bridge and Park. 48 of 52 buildings at the park were destroyed. They are promising to rebuild though. We will visit there again.

That's about it for now. Just looking forward to Tuesday now.

Smoke and haze

Pictures I took this morning of the smoky haze that moved in overnight. Air quality is very poor. It smells like a campfire in the house. I turned off the AC for now so it won't draw in more smoke. Still have a doctor's appointment at 1:30pm. Hopefully the air will clear some by then.

Wildfire close by

This picture was taken by Gabe from our driveway looking north to The Black Forest. The big building in the front is our clubhouse. The fire is about 10 miles from here at this point.

Depending on what happens weather wise overnight, I'll probably get stuff organized just in case we have to evacuate. It's not coming in our direction at this point (south) but moving east. But tomorrow is another high fire danger day so you can't take anything for granted.

I didn't have another juice today but I did make one for David. I made a salad for him and Gabe for dinner. Gabe was over helping David work on the Jeep. I did have a banana. I'm not feeling well at all and don't think I can do just juice because I am not getting enough calories or nutrients by only having one or two a day. My appetite is low and I can't make myself eat/drink. I'm feeling very weak, low energy and my whole body feels uncomfortable (don't know how else to describe it). I don't think a straight out juice fast is for me. I think having a juice once or twice a day in addition to other healthy foods would be a better plan.

So, in the morning I'm going to take my shower, run over to Sprouts and get some eggs and scramble some up for breakfast to get some food/protein in me. I might have more eggs for lunch. The I have to leave a little after 1pm to be at my 1:30pm appointment with Dr. Koren to get the results of my 24 hour urine test. It's going to be really hot again tomorrow so I'll be in the house with the AC on as much as I can.

I already took my evening medicine and I'm getting sleepy. I'll be focused on this fire since it is so close. I'll spend some time finding things we would need to take if we evacuated. I'll make a list and have stuff ready just in case. I don't want to be caught off guard regarding the fire.

Have a good evening.

Feeling puny today

My stomach is bothering me today and I'm spending an awful lot of time in the bathroom. I know this is to be expected when doing a juice fast so I'm not concerned just annoyed. I liked not having stomach problems. On the good side, I can tell I'm more hydrated than I've ever been. When I pinch the skin between my thumb and forefinger it doesn't "tent" up like it did just days ago. It goes right back in place. (A doctor told us about that being a sign of dehydration.) So that's encouraging.

I did take another nap for about an hour. I'm just dragging. I don't think it's because of the juice/raw food diet. I think it's whatever has been going on with me for the last year or so. I woke up shivering after my nap. I do have the AC on but it's 96 degrees out. I shouldn't be shivering. This is how I felt last year through this February. I forgot just how bad the fatigue was. I do remember sleeping alot and not being able to do much of anything. I hate being back to that again. I think a contributing factor is allergies. My seasonal allergies are really bad. This hot, dry weather makes it even worse. My eyes are watering and itchy. It's miserable. I heard on videos that I watched that some people were helped with their allergies by doing a juice fast. I hope that holds true for me. Allergy medicine just makes me more tired so I've been trying not to take any but I think I've reached the point today that I'll have to take it. No pain medicine so far today though. I've been able to tolerate the leg pain. I'm sure by tonight I'll need to take some. I can only take so much pain.

My stomach has calmed down a bit. I just feel really full right now. I don't think I could drink another juice for a few hours at least. I don't know how some people drink 4-5 juices a day. I'd float away. I did lose another half a pound when I weighed myself this morning. I'll be interested to see if they weigh me at the doctor's office how much weight I've lost since I was in there on 5/28. It will be a little over 2 weeks time since my last visit. I'm sure it will show I've lost at least 10 pounds. The first 10 pounds is always easy because it's just water weight. After that is when the real weight comes off. I have a ways to go but I'm looking forward to every pound I lose.

That's about it for now. I'm pretty sure I'll be taking another nap later this afternoon. Still have shirts to hang up and dishes to put away and sheets to wash and dry. It can all wait until tomorrow though if I don't get it done today. Later.

Today's first drink

The juice I made this morning came out a beautiful orange color and tastes delicious. I cored the apple today to avoid the small amount of cyanide in the seeds and peeled the orange to avoid the bitterness that it causes. The juice came out even better than before. I just a read a book yesterday that said to avoid the apple seeds and orange peel so that's why I did it. The book is called "The Everything Juicing Book". It has a lot of recipes in it and tells what they are for (shiny hair, backaches, energy, etc.). It was a quick read and very informative. I got the Kindle version for PC on amazon.

I napped longer than I thought I would this morning and didn't wake up until almost 11am!! So this will be my brunch drink because it was too late for breakfast and not yet time for lunch. Though it is noon now so I guess the last half of the glass will be my lunch.

It was more of an effort to juice today. It took more time since I cored the apple and peeled the orange but mostly it took time because I kept having to stop to rest. I know making an eating change like I've done can cause fatigue but I didn't expect to be this low on energy. The juice usually gives me a little boost so I'm looking forward to that.

It's 91 degrees out now and very windy. The fire danger is EXTREME. It's very hazy out. One report said that could be from fires down in Arizona and New Mexico. I'm staying in the nice air conditioned house. I have to go out in it tomorrow though for my follow up appointment with Dr. Koren at 1:30pm. I'll get the results of my 24 hour urine test then. I think that like most of my tests it will be anti-climatic results (meaning it will come back in the normal range). It's just a 15 minute appointment but I have to be there 15 minutes early to check in. Hopefully there won't be an hour wait like there was last time. That was brutal. I don't think I could endure that tomorrow if I feel the way I do today.

My legs are getting sore. It's my right knee in particular that is bothering me today. It hurts on the inside of my leg. I know that the healthier that I eat and the more weight I lose the less pain I'll be in.

I'm ready for another nap. Bayou is already taking one. Smart dog.

Even though...

I have no energy and I'm very tired I went to the store this morning. I was at Sprouts by 8am and home before 9am. I only had to pick up a few things. I put everything away already too. I need to make a morning juice but I'm just too tired to do it right now. My morning medicine isn't helping any either. I'll probably go lie down in a few minutes and then make a juice when I get up. I'm glad I went to the store early though because it's already very hot out. The heat zaps my energy too. Thankfully the AC is on and it's cool in the house (about 77 degrees). After I had gone to the store David texted me and asked me to get some kiwi, cantaloupe, melon and mango. I told him I'd get it tomorrow. I have no energy to do it today. The only things I want to do today is make my juices, hang up some shirts and empty the dishwasher so I can start filling it up again. Juice has to come first though because I am running on fumes this morning. There's nothing left in the tank. Just sitting and holding my head up is energy consuming. And that's no joke. I'm being totally serious. I don't think I've ever felt this low on energy. All I can do is sit or lie down.

Yesterday wasn't the greatest day for me. I did have some nuts and stuff in the evening because I was feeling so bad mentally and physically. I'm going to try to just do juice today but I'll do what I have to do to keep myself from feeling so faint. I'll just do the best I can today keeping in mind how low my energy level is.

I haven't had a chance to talk with David yet because he went to bed so early last night. Maybe he'll be up to talking today when he gets home. I've got to figure out what he wants to do as far as juicing and eating.

Can't keep my eyes open. Time for a nap.

A late dinner

I had the rest of the juice from lunch for a late dinner. It was nice and cold. It didn't need any ice. It was delicious. I'm glad that I drank that instead of ordering a pizza. Yes, I thought about ordering a pizza from Borriello Brothers. But I didn't. I drank my juice instead. And I enjoyed it.

I can go to bed happy now. :-)

That's about it

David's gone to bed. It's 6:30pm. That is all.

Very confused right now

David got home just before 3pm and I tried talking to him but he just seemed angry and annoyed that I was asking questions. I made him a big salad for dinner with 2 slices of turkey and 1 slice of american cheese. Maybe he'll feel more like talking after he eats and his belly is full. I'm still full from my lunch juice so haven't had any dinner juice yet. It's 4:20pm and I probably won't have any until at least 5pm. I did some reading about juicing and there are a few things I learned (apple seeds have cyanide in them, you shouldn't juice orange rinds). Reading also made me think twice about doing a juice fast without seeing my doctor more frequently. I can't really do that so I'm not sure if doing juice only is a good idea. I think I felt better when I was adding in a little protein and cheese to my diet along with the nuts and seeds. Am I just wanting to give up or should I really be concerned about doing juice only? What I've read about juicing and diabetes definitely has me rethinking what David should do. I guess I didn't do nearly enough research about juicing before I started. I don't think I screwed up I just think that I need more information before I continue. I really don't want to go back to all the junk food now that I've been eating healthier but I could add in some foods that wouldn't hurt (like eggs, meat and cheese). I don't want to be on a diet, I want a lifestyle that I can maintain for the long run. Juice only is not sustainable so maybe I shouldn't do it. I'll still try to juice once every day but maybe back off on having juice only. I feel like a failure already for thinking of giving up on this but if it's not the healthiest thing for David and I it would be the best thing to do. I really did it because David wanted to do it. I'm not saying I will trash the whole thing, afterall I did buy the juicer and all the fruits and veggies and have an investment in this. Keeping with the fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds and adding in eggs, lean meats and cheese might be more sustainable for me and definitely for David. Man, I am just so confused that I don't know what to think. I honestly can't do this if David isn't doing the same thing. Not because I can't do it myself but I have to take care of David and I can't be preparing all these different things for both of us.

I'm going to try to talk to David again and see what he wants to do. I know it will involve making lunch for him and making dinner too. If I'm going to do that I'm going to do that for both of us. I'm already thinking about how much I'm spending on food right now and how many times I'm having to go to the store. Gosh, I hate this. David's lack of enthusiasm rubs off on me. I wish it wasn't like that but it is. I have to be realistic. I can't do it on my own. That's just the way it is.

I could still shop at Sprouts because they have eggs and meat and cheese there along with milk. I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll just change things and not even ask David about it. He'll eat whatever I make for him anyway. I have to say this is the last time I will listen to him about changing the way we eat. He has good intentions but I spend a lot of time doing it and then he loses interest and I'm up a creek. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. Ten days into this and we're having all these problems. I guess I should get some lab work done too to make sure I haven't done any harm. I'm vitamin D and B12 deficient and have to really watch that. Maybe I'll schedule an appointment with Shellie after I see the specialist on Wednesday. That way I can talk to her about what he says and go from there.

I really don't want to talk to David about this because it will just get me upset. It's my job to shop and cook and prepare food so I should just do what I think is best for the 2 of us. I still have a lot of stuff to use for juicing and eating so I want to use that and not waste it but I also have to pick up a few things at the store so I will go to Sprouts tomorrow and get the stuff I need to transition to a more sustainable diet. I get too excited about things and go full bore instead of easing into things. There is no shame in doing the right thing. I don't want to spend any time being upset with David either so I'll do what I need to do for my marriage. Food isn't something that I should let get between us. If he can't do this, it's okay.  I can do anything. Anything healthier would be better than what I was doing.

Okay, I'm making myself crazy thinking about all this so I'm done for now.

David is having a hard day

David texted me and said he's really struggling today. He feels bad and his tremors are worse today. I didn't give him any juice for work so I'm not sure what's causing this. He should have had a veggie omelette for breakfast and a salad for lunch. Maybe he didn't eat lunch. He can't do that with his Type 2 Diabetes. I told him we would talk when he gets home to see what we need to do differently to make this work for him. I'm not expecting him to only do juice. In fact with his T2D it wouldn't be a good idea so I'm not sure what he's wanting or needing to do. I just know I can't afford to buy different foods for him and make meals for him that I'm not eating. I hope he's not wanting to give up on eating healthier. It irritates me a little bit that he's the one that was so adamant about doing this and talked me into it and now he's not really wanting to do it. I really don't want to have to prepare lunch and dinner for him and something separate for me for the long term. I don't mind doing while I'm doing a juice fast as long as it's easy and healthy to fix but I don't want to get into cooking and preparing tons of stuff every day. I like this plan because I only cook when I want to make some soup. Otherwise everything is raw. ~sigh~

I shouldn't be shocked because this is what usually happens. I am always hesitant to change anything because it doesn't last for both of us but David keeps on me until I look into it. I do all the research, preparation and shopping and he doesn't really help out much at all. Which is okay. I don't expect him to do all that stuff but I do expect him to give it more of a try than he has been. I know he works all day and that this is my job but it's hard to do when he's always struggling. He's been asking me constantly to look into Raw Food Rehab, a website that is all about eating raw, and I have now. He also wanted me to watch "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" and I did that too. I did all the research on the juicer and the plan and now he's struggling. I honestly don't know what to do. I know we'll talk this afternoon when he gets home about what he's having problems with and what he wants to do differently. I'm not going to figure this out for him though. He's going to have to tell me what he needs. I'll have to decide whether it's something I can do or not. I have very low energy at this point and have to push myself to get things done. Adding in preparing lunches or cooking dinners really isn't in my plan at this point. I guess I could do the lunch but I'm not going to be cooking food every day right now. I feel bad that I am complaining but I really am miffed about this turn of events.

David will be home in a little over an hour. We'll talk then and I'll figure out what to do to make this work.

Still drinking my lunch juice. It's really good. I made enough so David can have some when he gets home. If he doesn't want it I'll have it for dinner. Easy peasy.

Orange juice for lunch!

Here's the fruit and veggies I'll be putting in my lunch juice. One sweet potato, once carrot, 1/2 a big honey beet, a granny smith apple and an orange.

This is the Breville juicer all broken down after I washed it.

The rainbow of fruits and veggies that will be in my lunch juice.

The juicer ready to go. The bag is in the pulp container to make cleanup easier.

And here's the juice with some ice in it. It is delicious!

Progress

I have the dishes going in the dishwasher. I pulled the blankets off the bed and am washing them now. I pulled the sheets off too and they will go in the washer next. I have a lot of clothes in the dryer that I'm dewrinkling and will have to put away. There are lots of shirts to hang up. But I've got things going. It only took about 10 minutes to get that all going. I'll put away the clothes and make the bed in a little while. I may have to have David help me with hanging up shirts and making the bed but I'll try to do it on my own first. Bayou is laying on the floor all crooked like she does. It's warm out and she's resting a lot today. Just like me, except I'm not all crooked. LOL

It feels good to be getting stuff done. Because Bayou lays on the blankets they get dirty faster so it was definitely time to wash them. I'm amazed again that I have appliances running while I am home alone. I still have a little anxiety about it but I was able to push through that easily and start the washer and dishwasher.

Probably in about 45 minutes I'll make another juice. I'll make an orange juice. I might use that Recipe #2 from the fitlife.tv sheet I printed out or do the orange one from the 5 day Reboot from Joe Cross. I'll have to see what I have before I decide. I will definitely need to go to the store in the morning to get more fruit. I also need to pick up a couple other things so a trip to Target might be in order too. Or maybe I'll stop at Walgreens and see if I can pick up what I need there. That way it won't take as long.

I did do some artwork yesterday. I've been working on this project since 6/15/09! Yes, I started it four years ago. I'm going to try to finish it this week. I'll work on it again later today.

I'll fill up the whole page with color. It will be worth framing when it's done. I haven't done anything creative for years. I'm glad I'm getting back into my art work. I'm thinking it's a side benefit from changing my diet. Mentally I'm ready to do it and since I'm not using my hands for eating all day I have to do something. This is a good alternative.

Well, the dryer beeped. I should try to put some stuff away. More later.