David got home just before 3pm and I tried talking to him but he just seemed angry and annoyed that I was asking questions. I made him a big salad for dinner with 2 slices of turkey and 1 slice of american cheese. Maybe he'll feel more like talking after he eats and his belly is full. I'm still full from my lunch juice so haven't had any dinner juice yet. It's 4:20pm and I probably won't have any until at least 5pm. I did some reading about juicing and there are a few things I learned (apple seeds have cyanide in them, you shouldn't juice orange rinds). Reading also made me think twice about doing a juice fast without seeing my doctor more frequently. I can't really do that so I'm not sure if doing juice only is a good idea. I think I felt better when I was adding in a little protein and cheese to my diet along with the nuts and seeds. Am I just wanting to give up or should I really be concerned about doing juice only? What I've read about juicing and diabetes definitely has me rethinking what David should do. I guess I didn't do nearly enough research about juicing before I started. I don't think I screwed up I just think that I need more information before I continue. I really don't want to go back to all the junk food now that I've been eating healthier but I could add in some foods that wouldn't hurt (like eggs, meat and cheese). I don't want to be on a diet, I want a lifestyle that I can maintain for the long run. Juice only is not sustainable so maybe I shouldn't do it. I'll still try to juice once every day but maybe back off on having juice only. I feel like a failure already for thinking of giving up on this but if it's not the healthiest thing for David and I it would be the best thing to do. I really did it because David wanted to do it. I'm not saying I will trash the whole thing, afterall I did buy the juicer and all the fruits and veggies and have an investment in this. Keeping with the fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds and adding in eggs, lean meats and cheese might be more sustainable for me and definitely for David. Man, I am just so confused that I don't know what to think. I honestly can't do this if David isn't doing the same thing. Not because I can't do it myself but I have to take care of David and I can't be preparing all these different things for both of us.
I'm going to try to talk to David again and see what he wants to do. I know it will involve making lunch for him and making dinner too. If I'm going to do that I'm going to do that for both of us. I'm already thinking about how much I'm spending on food right now and how many times I'm having to go to the store. Gosh, I hate this. David's lack of enthusiasm rubs off on me. I wish it wasn't like that but it is. I have to be realistic. I can't do it on my own. That's just the way it is.
I could still shop at Sprouts because they have eggs and meat and cheese there along with milk. I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll just change things and not even ask David about it. He'll eat whatever I make for him anyway. I have to say this is the last time I will listen to him about changing the way we eat. He has good intentions but I spend a lot of time doing it and then he loses interest and I'm up a creek. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. Ten days into this and we're having all these problems. I guess I should get some lab work done too to make sure I haven't done any harm. I'm vitamin D and B12 deficient and have to really watch that. Maybe I'll schedule an appointment with Shellie after I see the specialist on Wednesday. That way I can talk to her about what he says and go from there.
I really don't want to talk to David about this because it will just get me upset. It's my job to shop and cook and prepare food so I should just do what I think is best for the 2 of us. I still have a lot of stuff to use for juicing and eating so I want to use that and not waste it but I also have to pick up a few things at the store so I will go to Sprouts tomorrow and get the stuff I need to transition to a more sustainable diet. I get too excited about things and go full bore instead of easing into things. There is no shame in doing the right thing. I don't want to spend any time being upset with David either so I'll do what I need to do for my marriage. Food isn't something that I should let get between us. If he can't do this, it's okay. I can do anything. Anything healthier would be better than what I was doing.
Okay, I'm making myself crazy thinking about all this so I'm done for now.
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