Okay, so I've started the FF class. I've copied the scriptures and food for thought for each day. It's amazing to see how little I have trusted in God on this journey. I realize while I've been on my walks that God's creation is awesome and I really appreciate it up on the Mesa but I haven't turned over this journey to the Lord. I haven't given myself over to the Lord. I've been trying to do this in my power and I'm sure that's why I haven't walked since we got Harley. I've been having such a hard time getting into a routine but I can't let that be an excuse. I need to ask God for help getting back into a routine. I can't do it on my own. Harley takes up so much of my day, in a good way, that I forget to take care of myself. I haven't even been eating most days because I get so involved with Harley.
I miss my walks and I need to get back to walking again. I miss Palmer Park too. It's so beautiful up there. I struggle with whether I should take Harley up there with me because there are so many dogs off leash. I wouldn't want him to get traumatized by another dog. That would make things difficult. So, I just don't walk because I don't want to leave him home alone every morning. He needs to get used to that though until I feel safe bringing him up on the Mesa.
My eating has been atrocious this week. Actually it's been bad for about 2 months now (since David took vacation in July). I was doing so much better when I was walking and eating healthier. During vacation we ate out all the time and we've kept doing that for the last 2 months! It's got to stop. I think I've shopped for groceries maybe once in the last 2 months. That tells you how things have been. I almost don't miss good food anymore and that's not a good thing at all. If I can just get myself out there and walk then I know that I'll eat better. They always go hand in hand.
I have been keeping busy and moving a lot with Harley. I'm not just sitting in my chair and staring. I don't have time to do that. I try to get out there and walk Harley as often as I can but I'm not doing that enough either. I've got to walk him at least 2 times a day. If I could take him on my walk in the morning and to the mailbox in the afternoon he'd probably do a whole lot better (although he is quite perfect now ;) ). But it's not the 40 minutes that I'm used to walking each day.
I'm going to cut myself some slack here though because I am doing the best I can considering all the changes that have happened in the last few weeks. I'm a bit nervous about the weekend because we usually eat out a lot and I just don't want to do that. I need to go to the grocery store and get things that I know that I will eat. Most food just doesn't appeal to me anymore. Fast food appeals to me because it's so bland and nondescript. And it's already cooked. I don't have to deal with raw foods and preparing foods. It's not that I'm lazy, I get sick just thinking of raw foods. Yuck!
Okay, that's it for tonight. I'm going to try to at least blog every day about how I'm doing and what I'm thinking. It's a good way for me to stay accountable. And I'll ask God to help me with this whole journey.
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