Bad night

I'm not sure why but I had a really bad night tonight. I felt anxious all night. I think part of it was because I was alone. It gets tiring being alone so much. It gives me too much time to think about things I don't need to be thinking about. I also think it was because I wanted to go out to pick up something to eat but couldn't talk myself into doing it. I was afraid of it getting dark and I'd have to turn on the lights on the car. I keep thinking that the lights and AC will suck all the power out of the car and it will stall. So I had popcorn for dinner tonight because I couldn't go out to get a meal. I took the Ativan but it didn't do much for me. I know it's probably too soon to get noticeable results from the Ativan or the Lithium. Dr. Fouss seemed to intimate that I should maybe feel something in a weeks time. If not, I'll call him and he'll make an adjustment.

I got an email from Kitty tonight. She saw my post on Facebook. She wants to talk to me. I sent an email back to her so we can set something up. I have plenty of time to get together. I'd like to meet somewhere over on this side of town or have her come to the house. I'm sure we can work something out.

I'm going to take my bedtime meds and hopefully that will help me to feel better. When I wake up at 3am to go to the bathroom I usually feel good and stay up to enjoy the "normal" feeling. I know I'm stressing about going to my therapy appointment tomorrow. I know the car is okay but I don't believe it in my mind. I don't have control of my thoughts, they have control of me right now. I still can't let that stop me from driving and doing other things though. The anxiety is just a feeling but what I'm afraid of is a definite possibility in my mind. I can't dwell on that though. I have to keep with the positive thoughts and keep myself calm and relaxed. I can drive even if it brings on anxiety. I can't let the anxiety run my life any more than it already is.

I look forward to going to bed tonight. Sleep is the only thing that takes me away from all of this. Sleep, sweet sleep.