David asked me if I would go over to Culver's to get us a concrete mixer. He volunteered Gabe to go with me. I asked Gabe if he wanted to go and he said that he did, so we drove over to Culver. We took my car and I drove. Gabe said something to me at Culver's that opened the door for me to explain to him that I have developed this anxiety disorder about driving. He was very sweet and listened to everything that I had to say. He told me that it sounded like I was doing all the right things to try to help myself with this problem. That made me feel really good. He shared that he has been dealing with some anxiety the last couple of months himself due to all the life decisions he is having to make. It makes me sad that he is having to deal with anxiety at all but it also fills my heart to know that he understands what I am going through. I feel like a bit of the burden has been lifted off of me after talking to Gabe. I don't know that it will make the anxiety go away at all but it does make me feel a bit stronger. I felt positive after the drive with Gabe. I felt like it was another notch under my belt of a good ride where the car didn't break down.
It's 2am. I'm up because I have a runny nose. I took some allergy medicine so should be getting sleepy any time now. Hopefully Bayou hasn't moved onto my pillow. It's hard to get her off of there.
Gabe did a lot of good foot work yesterday regarding looking for a job. He got an email back and a phone call about jobs he stopped to talk to people about. He also got a call back for an interview Wednesday for a job up in Wellington, CO. It's almost to the Wyoming border. It will take him about 2 1/2 hours to get up there. It's past Ft. Collins. It's nice up there though. Yesterday he went up to Woodland Park, Cascade, Manitou Springs and a charter school here in the Springs. Taking the time to put a face with a name paid off for him. So it looks like he'll be staying in Colorado, at least for the time being. It would be nice to have him around. If he got the job in Wellington we might not see him much but he'd at least be close enough to visit. I know he wants to be in a small town. Wellington is a nice, small town with a very new school (I think it was built in 2007). All of this is better than the job he had lined up out in California. Marin City, CA is nicknamed "The Jungle". The school has a lot of at risk kids. I'd rather see Gabe in a normal school setting and not putting his life on the line every day just by going to work. Any way, I think he'll end up with a job by the end of the week since most schools are starting next week. It will be a quick transition for him and for us too. It's been nice having him here, especially for me and Bayou.
Last night, even though it made me anxious, I let Gabe take Bayou out for a walk with her harness on. They were gone over half an hour. I really started to get nervous but right about that time they came back home. He said that she did great walking. It's so nice to have him here to take her for walks. It encourages me to take her for a walk every day to the mailbox. She could definitely be my walking buddy if I worked with her. I could use her e-collar to keep her off people and other dogs if we ran into those situations. I'm glad I didn't let the anxiety win out last night. I would have missed out on a great conversation with Gabe and Bayou would have missed out on a great walk.
When I woke up earlier I woke up from some crazy dream. The dream made me feel like I was going to be okay and that I don't have anything to be anxious about anymore. The dream has faded away but the feeling that I don't have to deal with fear every second has stayed. That is a good thing.
So, both Gabe and I had productive days yesterday. We both faced our fears head on and came out on top. Gabe could have just sat back and waited for people to contact him but instead he got in the car and went and introduced himself and shook some hands and talked to some people. Because of it he has interviews and contacts now. I'm very proud of him for doing the work that he did. And I'm proud of myself too for going for the drive last night and for talking to Gabe about my temporary anxiety disorder. He was very supportive and kind about it. I got through the car ride without shaking and was able to feel positive about it when I was done.
I have no scheduled outings today though will probably go to the store to get something for dinner. Making myself get out there is a good thing. I don't want to end up as a recluse because of this anxiety. That could easily happen but I won't let it. I'll continue to take Bayou to daycare, go see Dr. G and Dr. Fouss and run my errands. (I'm getting anxious just writing about all of that!) At some point the anxiety will just go because I'll have more positive experiences than negative ones.
Gabe wants to go over to Red Rocks Canyon Open Space this week with Bayou and me to go hiking. I may try to do that. It would be fun to hike and to have Bayou there with me. There would be a lot of people and other dogs but I'd let Gabe take care of handling her leash. I'd keep the remote with me though. It would be fun to do. Maybe we could do it Thursday. It's supposed to only be in the 70's on Thursday. Of course, Gabe will probably be doing interviews or getting ready some other way for a job on Thursday. We'll just play it by ear. I can see us doing it though. It's a long ride because it's on the West side of town so I really would have to be committed to doing it before we actually left for the ride over there. We'll see how it all works out.
It's after 2:30am so I think I'll go back to bed. The allergy medicine has started working so I think I can sleep now. Hopefully Bayou is not on my pillow. Goodnight, good morning and good bye for now.
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