Today I had to drive Bayou to daycare, go to my therapy appointment and then pick up Bayou. I was miserable doing all of it. Then I made myself drive to the store tonight just to increase the misery I guess. Sigh. I did see Dr. G today but don't really feel like anything we talk about doing helps me. I tell myself it will be okay, that I can "do this" but in reality right now I can't do it. Not without a lot of anxiety anyway. I'm already stressing about bringing Bayou to daycare on Friday. I need to go to the store tomorrow too. Sigh. I'm going to call Dr. Fouss tomorrow and just pray that he'll prescribe something for me. I don't want something like Xanax though. That would just make things worse I think. I want something that will work all day long and help me while I'm driving. A benzo won't help me with driving because it would just make me tired and I wouldn't be able to drive while taking it. Dr. G recommended Buspar (which doesn't seem like a good fit for me) but I'm sure Dr. Fouss will know what to give me. I'm not going to go anywhere until I hear from him. I'm hoping he'll call in a prescription for me and I can pick it up when I go out.
I did have a cherry coke and a candy bar tonight. It didn't even taste good. Not much tastes good because of this anxiety. It's really decreased my appetite. I'm making myself eat though because Dr. Fouss said I need to eat. Drinking the coke, with caffeine in it, probably isn't a good idea though. It will just make me more jittery. Not good. Lynn was the one who mentioned that to me tonight. I talked to her for about an hour and a half. It helped to talk to her. It got my mind off the anxiety for a while. I'm glad I made myself go to the store but it really was miserable driving. I just don't trust my car. I don't know that I trust any vehicle right now. Lisa has offered to take me places if it would help but I don't know if it would. I can't just stop driving. Like I said, I'd become a recluse and Bayou would never get to daycare and that would make us both crazy(er). I'd like to stop driving until this goes away but that just won't work.
I really am terrified of breaking down while I'm out there driving, especially when Bayou is in the car with me. I feel like I just wouldn't know what to do and if it was hot out that Bayou would pass out in the car.
Okay, I need to stop thinking about this. I need to calm down and relax. It's already 10:40pm. I need to get to bed soon. I know I can relax and sleep well when I put my mind to it. I'm going to watch a little TV and then head to bed. I can get through this. I know I'll be okay soon and talking to Dr. Fouss tomorrow will help.
No comments:
Post a Comment