I feel like giving up today. I'm overwhelming myself with trying to make too many changes at one time. It's the all or nothing thinking. I either do everything perfectly or I'm failing. I didn't go walking this morning. No real reason why, just decided to not walk this morning. I try to tell myself that I can still get a walk in sometime today, but I feel like a slacker for not going this morning. The plan was to go to the Zoo today which would give me plenty of walking but I'm not feeling great mentally so I'm not sure what I want to do. It's also supposed to be in the 90's today and I'm not sure I want to be out there in the middle of the day walking around at the Zoo.
I feel like I'm justifying all the things that I shouldn't be doing (not walking, eating junk, eating too many carbs). I can easily convince myself that I deserve a break from walking or that it's okay to eat a sundae. I'm not going to make any progress in the weight loss with this kind of attitude. I know I can be too hard on myself at times but I also can give in easily too. Finding a balance that I feel comfortable with isn't easy. Mostly I just want to go back to bed today. I don't want to face the day. I was really craving candy last night. I didn't get any, but the craving is still there. I think that I should just get a candy bar and get the craving over with but I'm not sure that's such a great idea. I can't always give in every time I want something but I feel so bad emotionally that I get desperate to get rid of the bad feelings. And I know that food does that for me.
Anyway, I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with all this today. Mostly I just want to eat to feel better. Or sleep. Neither is very productive though. Why does this have to be so difficult? I don't always understand how the emotions get so tangled up in the eating but they do. I've got to go take a shower but I don't even want to do that. I thought about quitting this blog too but I'm going to do my best to keep tracking what this journey is like for me. I'm just going to do my best today. That's all I can do.
Thanks for the encouragement Kitty. It's just one of those days. I know that I'm having more good days than bad so I'm going to try to focus on that.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the invite. You are very thoughtful. David had the same idea and took me out for the day. It wasn't a great day but it was nice to be out of the house.
I may go walking this evening with David. That would help lift my spirits.