I actually got up in the morning on Thursday and went walking. I was afraid that I wouldn't go because I took Wednesday off. But I got out there and walked. It was only about 68 degrees with a cool breeze. Very nice walking weather. I walked the loop in a bit under 40 minutes. I got up there at about 7:40am, kind of late, but there were enough people out there that I felt safe walking. It was a difficult walk mentally. I keep wanting to quit or shorten the walk. I kept giving myself little goals and told myself that if I could get there then I could decide on whether to continue or turn around and go back. I kept wanting to quit but I never did. I walked the whole loop. I really felt like I had accomplished something when I finished.
When I got back home I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast and went in to take a nap. I also had a bowl of cereal for lunch. I had an appointment with Marianne at 3pm so I showered and left at 2:30pm. We had a very interesting session. I left feeling sad. When I got home I asked David if he wanted to go out to dinner, for pizza. He said he would like to do that so we went to NYPD Pizza. We hadn't been there in quite a while. The pizza wasn't as good as it has been in the past. I don't think it was the fault of the pizza maker but it was that I just couldn't enjoy eating all those carbs. I didn't eat it all but enough to make me full (which I hadn't been doing for a while). I got lemonade to drink. The stuff was loaded with sugar but had no carbonation. I should have known then that I was not going to have a good night when it came to food.
From dinner we drove over to Garden of the Gods for our nightly deer run. We did see a couple of does. They were beautiful. But I knew my real reason for wanting to stay out driving was so I could get a candy bar for the ride home. When I got into the Loaf 'n Jug I didn't stop at the candy bar. I also got a Hawaiin Punch drink. Talk about pure evil to drink. It's loaded with sugar, coloring, etc. But I didn't let that deter me. I also got us each a little pack of salted peanuts. Then I went for the king size Milky Way candy bar. On the drive home I ate some of the peanuts and gave the remainder to David. I drank some of my fruit punch. It tasted sickeningly sweet but I drank it anyway. When we got home I ate the whole king size Milky Way. I started feeling sick almost right away. I knew I had overindulged on too much junk food.
I did all the mental gymnastics along the way to tell myself that it was okay to indulge (when I knew it really wasn't). I justified and rationalized myself into eating so much that I felt sick. So here I am at 2:45am, up because I felt like I needed to throw up. Thankfully I didn't but I felt very sick. I took some Pepto Bismol to quiet the burn in my throat. Now I'm sitting up writing about my travails and hoping I don't feel worse. The Pepto seems to be working though. I'm embarassed and ashamed of my eating all that junk but I have learned a valuable lesson through all of this. Junk food is just that - JUNK! I need to take healthy snacks with me when we go on a drive so I can avoid the store. I also need to bring water with me so that I am not tempted to get a nasty drink (like the fruit punch). It's poor planning on my part. I have to make sure I have the healthy foods available at home so it's easy to take something with me when we go for a drive
Anyway, lesson learned - junk food makes you feel junky. The end.
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