Motivation

Okay, so it's been a couple days since I walked. I think that part of the reason I haven't walked is just to tell myself it's okay when I don't walk. I still matter and I'm not a bad person if I don't walk. I'm going to take my victories where they are though. Still haven't had a soda. I'm not craving one but it was just habit to get one and it's sometimes hard to not get one. I'm sure I would not feel well after drinking a soda so I won't do it. And I'm not getting loads of junk food to eat. That is really good. My jeans don't feel as tight. I don't know if that's just wishful thinking or if something is really happening. I know I'm feeling better physically though. My knee and low back are still acting up but I'm not gong to let that stop me from walking. I may need to get shots in my SI joints at some point. I want to get out there and walk tomorrow. I hope it's cool out in the morning for my walk. I'm having trouble sleeping through the night so it's hard for me to get up early in the morning and be awake enough to drive safely. I could walk around the neighborhood but it's not an enjoyable walk. I'd rather go up to Palmer Park. I like seeing all the dogs on the trail.

I had an appointment with Marianne today. At the end of the session we talked about my true, authentic self. Walking is part of the true me. I really like walking. I want it to be an enjoyable activity not an obligation. Once it becomes an obligation, I'll stop walking. I know I will. I don't want that to happen. Those 40 minutes that I walk are a good opportunity for me to think through things. It always makes me feel better physically, mentally and spiritually to walk. I think part of it is where I walk. It's so relaxing up on the Mesa. I'm so glad that Lisa showed me where the trail is.

The only somewhat negative thing today is that my very thoughtful sister sent me a "care package" that was just snacks for me and David. They are snacks that I can only get back in New England. I'll put them in the fridge so I can just pull one out once in a while as a treat. I'm not telling myself I can't ever have a treat. That would be deprivation and basically that's just planning to fail. I'm not going to let that happen.

I should be able to get out there and walk the next four days. I hope I can stay motivated.