Anxious for weigh in tonight

I have 4 hours until weigh in tonight. I have to admit that I'm trying my best not to eat until after weigh in. I don't think it's the best idea but I so want to weigh under 280 tonight. After today I don't think I'll do this again because I don't like going all day without eating. Just having breakfast isn't enough. It also makes me focus on food and then tell myself I can't have any. Not a good plan. I don't know if I can make it until 5pm anyway. I'll just have to see how it goes. I have to leave in about 15 minutes for my appointment with Alicia. I did look up eating disorders physicians and there are a few in town who specialize in that field. The one I'd be interested in though doesn't take insurance which is a bummer. I'll have to continue my search. I'm going to talk to Alicia about it this afternoon too and see what she has to say. I don't think she has any training in eating disorders though. I'm not even sure what I want to talk about. I guess it would be my attitude about losing weight. Why don't I make healthier choices in the food I eat? Why don't I increase my physical activity level by walking? Why is food and being lazy so much more important to me than losing weight? There must be a payoff if I continue doing these behaviors. Is it that being fat is easy? It takes hard work to lose weight. Am I just not willing to do the work? Hopefully Alicia can help me out a bit on this. I have to get ready to go. More later.