It's time for bed but I wanted to take a minute and blog about how I'm feeling. If I just keep the feelings and thoughts inside I may tend to eat things I don't need to eat. I was pretty upset about Bayou this morning. I'm going to put the e-collar on her before we go to bed. If she wakes me up by chewing on the blanket I'm going to zap here good. She needs to learn that there are consequences to her actions. There is no rush to get her to daycare in the morning so we can sleep in and hang out for a bit. I'd like to do some training with her. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it. I wish I could take her to classes but I'm too out of shape to do that. I'd love to be able to take her back after I've lost some weight though. I just put the e-collar on her because she was chewing on the blanket on the couch. I had to stop her from doing it by pulling the blanket away because I didn't have the collar on her yet.
I feel better about Bayou. I wouldn't give her up. I know I was just frustrated and saying things. That happens when I don't get enough sleep. She went in and out a lot today but I don't blame her because she doesn't get any exercise on the weekends. I need to change that once I'm in better shape. I want Bayou to be part of my plan to lose weight. I want to give her what she needs - activity - and give myself what I need - activity! Funny that it would work out that way. She and I need each other. I'd love to be able to take her on walks and hikes. I just need to put in the time to train her.
She's not going to be the dog I want her to be if I don't train her to be the dog I want her to be. She's smart so I know she can learn anything I want to teach her. She's also stubborn so I'll have to work that out of her. I want her to pay attention to me and be intent on paying attention to me. I want her to be like Watson. Clay was able to take Harley the Horrible and turn him into Watson the Wonderful. It's just like WW. I can follow the plan and do the right things and be successful or I can just wish for success. I want to be successful. I want Bayou to walk with me, come to me, go to "place" when I tell her to and to ignore other dogs unless I tell her she can acknowledge them. I know she'll be a happier dog once she knows what the rules are and what the hierarchy is. I'm the boss, not her. Right now she runs everything. That stops now.
Bayou is going to learn that she has to do what I tell her to do. It's that simple. It won't be easy and it will take a lot of training but it will be worth it. I want a dog that behaves. I'd like to be able to take her to my appointment with Alicia and let her meet Helki. I just would like to be able to bring her anywhere and have her behave. I want her to be my PTSD service dog. I'd like to be able to bring her with me when I do errands and have her by my side to help me get through errands. I can even get a service animal vest for her. Once I can control her that's just what I will do. I need to keep the collar on her all the time that she is home. The only break she gets is when she goes to daycare, and they've started working with her there too (just without the collar). I'm going to be consistent with her from now on. No means no all the time. Behave means behave all the time. I'm her master and she needs to look to me for what she needs to do at any given moment. I will be the center of her universe.
I want Bayou to not only behave and do basic obedience commands but I also want her to learn to do tricks and services that are helpful. Turn on a light, carry a bag into the house, retrieve something for me or throw something away. Things like that that would be helpful to me. And if she could learn to be there for me when the PTSD is bad, that would be awesome. I know I could teach her to figure out when I need her to be my buddy. I have faith in her. It may take longer than I thought it would to train her but I'm willing to keep going back and doing the training until she gets it and I'm consistent with her training.
It's almost 11:30pm so I should head off to bed. We'll see how the morning wake up goes with Bayou wearing her e-collar.
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