I'm not mad at Bayou. I'm just tired that I have to get up early every single morning with her. I'm tired of her hitting the door to go out and then coming in 10 seconds later. I'm tired of her hitting the door to come in and then when I go to the door she walks away and won't come in. She's really getting out of control and it's my fault not hers. I'm so frustrated and tired that I could cry. (I probably will by the end of this post.) I'm going to start putting her e-collar on her at night so when we get up in the morning I can control her better. I'm so frustrated, especially when she gets me up and then she goes and lays on the couch and sleeps. It's 7am now but we've been doing this since 5am. She's going to be wearing that collar a lot more until we get all this under control.
Being this frustrated and tired makes me want to eat junk food. Luckily the only thing I have here is cookies, otherwise there would be a food fest going on here. So far I've been able to avoid the cookies but I don't know how long that will be true for. She's up on the couch already. I'd take her back to bed but she would chew on the blankets (another habit I need to use the e-collar for). I don't know how it got this bad. She runs things around here and I'm sick and tired of it. I think I'm going to wake David up in a little while and have him take care of her so I can go back to bed for a while. I'll be grumpy all day if I don't do that. I'm crying now. At times like this I'd rather not have a dog. It's too frustrating.
I know I sound terrible but I have to be honest somewhere about this. Again, I don't blame Bayou. It's my fault for letting her do this stuff. I need to train her to be different. I can't put up with this much longer. I'm also tired of her going in my trash can next to my chair and stealing stuff out of it and tearing it up. She steals stuff off the table too (the remote, my phone, misc. junk David leaves on there). I'm sick of changing my life because she has bad habits. I'm going to train her to not do these things. Today I just want to get rid of her. I know I wouldn't do that but I'm just so tired and frustrated that I don't know what else to think. She's hitting the door and walking away as soon as I get up. She does it on purpose. I don't know why she does it or where she learned it but it's so frustrating.
I'm beyond tired and frustrated now. I'm angry and emotional. I just need her to stop this behavior. The e-collar is charging otherwise I'd put it on her now. It takes a while for it to charge too so I'm stuck with this until it does. I want to self-medicate with food to make these feelings go away. I want to do that so bad. But I won't. I'll just put up with this until I can't and then I'll wake David up. This hitting the door to be let in and then walking away has to quit. I can't put up with it anymore. I'm not going to stand by the door and wait until she's ready to come in. She can wait for me to come there. This is so stupid. I can't believe I'm this upset because of the behavior of my dog. What is it about me that makes dogs behave like this? Why can't I just have a normal dog? Why do I have so much trouble training a dog? This is my 5th dog in 5 or 6 years and I've gotten rid of them all because they act like this. I just shouldn't have a dog. It's that simple. I'm lost without them but can't stand having them either.
If it wasn't for Bayou going to daycare 3x a week I'd have gotten rid of her long ago. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. I just can't exercise her the way she needs to be exercised because I'm overweight. I can't even take her for a simple walk. I get so out of breath walking. And I couldn't do it with her because all she does is pull me. My arm would be so sore that it would be impossible to walk her. I really have to start using the e-collar all the time with her. I have to stop letting her get away with things. She's making my life miserable and all I do when I'm miserable is want to eat.
I just had a bowl of cereal. It was way more than I would normally eat but it was a better compromise than eating cookies. I had 2 cups of honey nut cheerios and 1 cup of ff milk. It was 7 PP total. My usual breakfast has 3 PP values and has some fruit. I'll have to eat a piece of fruit here in a few minutes. I'm still really frustrated. Thankfully she's laying down on the floor right now. It just makes it worse and worse the more she misbehaves. I'm afraid I'm going to get angry with her even though I know it's not her fault. It's definitely my fault for letting her get away with this stuff.
I just need to go back to bed for a little while so I can sleep some of this off. I'm just so flippin' tired. Even when I go to bed early I still get frustrated with how she wakes me up in the morning (chewing on the blankets). She's so demanding too. I don't know how I live like this all the time. I have to stop crying. I should try to get her to go back to bed. Even if it's just for an hour that wold help me. I'm going to try that. More later.
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