Points

I used 55 points today. My DPT is 41 so I am 14 points over for the day. Thankfully I had the weekly points to draw from and still have 14 of those left. I also have 16 AP's left. I usually don't use those points. Everything resets tonight at midnight since tomorrow is weigh in day. I'll weigh myself in the morning and see where I'm at. It helps me to know so I don't get caught off guard at weigh in. Even though I'm not feeling good about my effort I'm still going to the meeting tomorrow night. It can only help to go to meetings. I don't know who I will weigh in with. I usually want to weigh in with Dori but I'm not sure I could get any time with her so I may just weigh in with one of the receptionists. I'll decide that when I get there. Who knows, maybe I'll have a better day tomorrow. Right now I feel really depressed. My mortality is looking me square in the face again. Who knows how much time I have left in this life and I'm wasting it being fat and unhappy.

There are so many things that I don't do because of the way I look and how I feel being so big. I should have gone to Evan's graduation but didn't have anything nice to wear. I don't have any dress up clothes that fit well. I look bad no matter what I wear. You can't dress up 300 lbs. Well, I guess you could if you had a lot of money to buy appropriate clothes for the weight of the person. I've seen a show on TV for big women and they dress them in reasonable clothes that make them look good. All I wear is my gray clothes - a gray tee shirt with gray light weight sweats that are stretchy and baggy. I don't wear color very much anymore. I'm not wanting to accentuate anything. I wear all gray to make everything blend together. All black is supposed to make you look thinner so I'm thinking that all gray will make you almost invisible. LOL

Well it's almost midnight so I'm going to go do bed.