Emotional eating

I admit it. I'm going to have a Cherry Coke and a Twix because I'm feeling emotional. I sent a text to the graduates and Sara texted back that she wished I could have been there. That made me sad. I really would have liked to have been there. How do you explain though that you can't be there because you're too fat to fly comfortably. Embarrassing. So I'm going to drown my sorrows in junk food. There are worse things, I know, but this is my drug of choice - food. I probably won't make the 20 lbs lost mark this week but I can live with that. It will come eventually. I have 3 days to try to get there though. It's not impossible but not probable. Again, I'm okay with that if it doesn't happen. It's not like I've really tried to make it happen this week. I think I have some sort of mental block about making this milestone. I have been .4 away from this goal twice now. Last time I quit. This time I will prevail. It may take me some time but I will conquer this milestone.

David is home with my snacks. I'm glad he offered to go to the store. I wouldn't have gone myself. He's not always the best help with this weight loss thing. Of course, I'm not much help with it myself.

I'm going to practice some compassion here. I really am upset that I couldn't be there at graduation. I'm also upset that I don't have any kids of my own. It's times like this that I really feel the void. It's nice to have nieces, nephews and step sons but nothing is like having your own child. I will never know that feeling. That makes me sad. That's a lot to deal with and if I need to turn to food, oh well.

Here's a picture of Amy and Sara with their friends at graduation. Amy is on the left and Sara is right next to her.

I feel a little bit better seeing a picture of them. It's certainly not the same as being there but at least I get to see a picture of them.

I hope tomorrow is a better day. I think David may go fishing in the morning. I'll probably try to sleep in if Bayou will let me. That probably won't happen though. At least I won't feel as bad as I did last Sunday when I spent the morning crying because I was so tired and Bayou got me up early. That was terrible. I'm not as tired this weekend and I'm expecting Bayou to get me up early so it won't be as bad. I was really bad off last weekend. At least I don't feel that bad today.

My Twix is history. 16 points worth of junk. Not really worth it but it did calm me down. I hate the food does that but it does. That's why I called it my drug of choice. It has the effect that a drug would have on me. It's amazing really that food can have that kind of effect. Sad too.