Weigh in day

Today is weigh in day. I did an unofficial weigh in this morning and I'm at 280 exactly. I'm hoping to have a few ounces disappear before weigh in tonight at my WW meeting. I was at 279.6 last week. I don't know if I'll get there today. So that means I might have a slight gain this week. That's not surprising considering all the crap I've eaten this week (fast food 2x, cookies, soda). I'm just glad to be where I am right now as far as the scale is concerned. I just had my bowl of cereal for breakfast and I probably won't have anything else until after my meeting. I'm planning on having rotisserie chicken and salad for dinner tonight which means a stop at the store before I pick up Bayou. Alicia changed my appointment time today to 2pm so I'll go to the store right after that and then pick up Bayou. I probably won't see David before he leaves for golf. Of course, they are predicting a storm this afternoon so who knows if he'll play golf or not. I'll go to my meeting at 5:30pm whether he is home or not.

I'm still feeling like a cheater when it comes to WW. I didn't go for a walk this morning even though I have plenty of time now. I ate all that junk from McDonald's last night. No wonder I'm at 280 lbs! What's it going to take to make real change?

Blogging really shows me how bad my bipolar disorder is. I'm so up and down with my posts and with how I feel. I don't think I realize just how up and down I am until I start blogging every day. It shows a lot when I blog.

Back to what will make real change happen for me. I think I just want the weight loss to happen a lot quicker than it is happening but since I don't do what it takes to make that happen I'm kind of in a dilemma now aren't I? I know if I worked hard at this (meaning walking at least 3 times a week and making healthier food choices more often) I could lose weight every week. But since I'm too lazy to do either, I'll just stay the same or gain. I don't want to drink my water, I don't want to eat my fruits and veggies and I don't want to increase my activity level. I don't want to do the things that it will take to lose the weight.

All I do is sleep during the day. I have things to get done and I don't do them because I'm too busy sleeping. I have laundry and dishes to do. I could be going for a walk. Instead, I sleep. My morning meds do make me drowsy but I could take them earlier instead of in the middle of the morning. I know they are going to make me sleep so I need to be prepared for that. If I took them earlier if wouldn't interfere so much with my day. Just another good choice that I don't make.

I think WW needs to add a section to their site called "Struggle Stories". It would be stories about how people are or were struggling and how they got through it. The success stories are nice but I'd like to see people where I'm at right now. I think a section like that could be very helpful. I doubt they would do that but it's an idea.

So, again, what would make me change and work at losing weight? I don't want it to be a huge struggle every day. I won't stick with it if it is. So how do I make it a bit easier and something I want to do day in and day out? I think I need to prepare myself better mentally for this journey. I have to be okay with craving the junk food and okay with saying no to it. I feel like I have to give in to the cravings so that I don't drive myself crazy thinking about it. It's not like I can just have a taste and be done with it. I'm not able to just have a taste. I have to have it all. Do I get around that by not having those foods at all (deprivation)? That I think would make me want the food even more. So I don't think that is the answer. I'd like to talk to Alicia about this today. She's not a food therapist but maybe she could help with my thought process. I really need to see a food therapist for this stuff. I think I'll do some research and see if I can find anyone here in town.

I'm going to go and do that research and come back to this later.