Having bi-polar disorder and trying to lose weight is difficult because I want to eat if I'm feeling up and I want to eat if I'm feeling down. Right now I don't really have a happy medium. I've already had breakfast, lunch and dinner but I still want more to eat. I'll probably have a cup of chocolate milk and english muffin later. I'll use up the rest of my daily points and a few of my weekly points but that's okay. I don't see Dr. Fouss (my psychiatrist) until August. I can always go in sooner if I need to get my meds increased. I don't think I realize just how up and down my days are until I am blogging every day like I am right now. There's no real reason for me to feel down today but I do. Yesterday I felt up and there wasn't a good reason for that either. It's hard to figure how I'll feel day to day.
I did go to a WW meeting this morning at 9am. Ila was the leader of the meeting. She did a good job of making the meeting interesting. I am glad I went but it seems like it was days ago that I was there. There's kind of a disconnect for me today. I'm looking forward to my Monday meeting already. I'm retaining water and seeing a 3 lb gain because I'm not drinking any water. I haven't even had a half a bottle of water today. I have to drink water so I won't retain water but it's really difficult for me to do it. I'll try as the evening goes on.
I just realized that today is graduation day for my 2 nieces, Amy and Sara, and my nephew, Tim. I think I've been depressed because I couldn't make it back to Mass. to be there for their graduation. I'm just too big to travel. Fitting into an airplane seat is so difficult. I have to use and extender to get the seat belt buckled. That's embarrassing. And all the walking is difficult too. I hate to have missed a once in a life time event but that's the price I pay for being so big. That may be why I am feeling down today. So I guess there is a reason for how I feel today. Again, the disconnect with how I'm feeling and what's going on in my day.
I'm also bored again today. It's really hot out and I don't want to be outside so I'm stuck inside watching TV all day. I could have done some other things or we could have gone to a movie or something but we didn't. Boring. I'm glad I haven't wanted to snack all day long. I am craving a soda though. I thought about getting one earlier but probably wouldn't go now since it's almost 7pm. No need to get one now.
We didn't go to Estela's today. I'm glad we didn't because I know I would have ordered french fries if we did go. I don't need all that food especially when I'm already 3 lbs heavier than I was on Wednesday.
I feel like I could go to bed now. I'd like to just take my evening meds and go to sleep. That's not surprising since I'm depressed and bored today. Maybe I'll feel better later. We're watching the Stanley Cup Final so at least there is something on TV. I think I can make it through the game. Then it's definitely bed time.
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