Connecting with a WW Leader

Last fall when I started WW I went to a different meeting every day to see how different WW leaders ran their meetings. That was back in the day before the new fancy flip charts. Each leader created their own flip charts. It made each meeting fun and unique. Eventually I settled in with Karen, a wonderful WW leader. I have to admit that I think I connected to her too quickly but she was so wonderful that it was hard not to connect to her. She took time for me, looked over my tracking to see where I was going wrong and where I was going right and just generally cared about my weight loss journey. I liked her a lot and enjoyed her meeting completely. I even wrote a letter to her to let her know how appreciative I was of her taking time for me.

Well, you guessed it, within a week of doing that Karen announced that she was retiring. I was devastated to say the least. How could I have connected with someone that quickly? I don't know but I did. She talked to me after the announcement and said that she was worried about me specifically and wanted to make sure that I stuck with the plan even though she was leaving. I told her I would but then I got sick and because I didn't have her there to route me on, I quit WW for four months. I know a big part of it was that Karen wasn't there anymore. I think if she had been there, even though I was in a lot of physical pain from being sick, I would have tried harder to make it to the meetings and stay on track. But she was gone and I didn't try.

Now I've been back for a month and have found another leader that I feel I am connecting to in a Wednesday night meeting that is for people who need to lose 50+ pounds (I personally need to lose just over 100 pounds). It's a meeting I feel comfortable in because of the leader, Dori. She's very positive but still honest and down to earth. She is excellent about acknowledging everyone's achievements and accomplishments for the past week. She's exactly the kind of leader I wanted. But she's been in WW for about 20 years now. So I'm worried that she'll retire and then what will I do.

So I've told myself that I have to connect to the meeting more than the leader, which by the way isn't happening, even after a month's time. I told myself that I would appreciate Dori being there and if she's not there I'll just deal with it. So I go to the meeting last night and guess what? Dori had someone fill in for her because she just got back from a trip and wasn't ready to come in last night. My heart sank. I like the leader who filled in but she just wasn't Dori. So I can see already that I'm connecting to the leader more than I am to the meeting. I really would be sad if Dori left (there's absolutely no talk of that, just to be clear) and I had to choose another leader.

I'm telling myself that I'm going to stick with this meeting no matter what and no matter who leads it. I'm in it for the long haul and I'm in it for me. I need to ask for what I need out of the meeting and out of my leader. It's up to me to do this and make sure it happens. I can't let a leader get in the way negatively again. I can't stop going for any reason. I have to keep doing this.

Wednesday night weigh in (it's exciting!!)

I did it! I weight 279.6 lbs!!! I've lost exactly 10 pounds in one month's time (from 4/30 - 5/30). The 280's are gone. Hopefully I can keep them away for good. I think I'm 1.2 pounds away from the 20 lbs lost mark too. That will be quite an accomplishment for me. I was so psyched when I got on that scale at my WW meeting and saw 279.6. What a beautiful number. Having a scale victory this week after not having one last week is heartening. My DPT (daily point total) stayed the same - 41. That means I have 41 points to use each day plus I have the 49 weekly points to use. Eventually when I meet goal weight (174) I think my DPT will be 26. It's kind of hard now to think of having only that many points a day but it's getting easier to envision it as each day goes by.

I did get fast food for dinner after weigh in. I do need to stop doing that. I need to be more organized on Wednesdays so that I can eat when I get home from weigh in and David can eat when he gets home from golf. It has to be something healthier though. No fast food. Maybe I could do a cooked rotisserie chicken and salad or something in the crock pot and a salad. I should have an hour before David gets home from golf after my meeting to put something together for dinner. I can't keep getting fast food that night just because it's convenient (which actually it's not since I have to drive there). Real convenient food with be something I'd have in the house already either already cooked or ready to cook. Planning is the key to doing this.

So I had the fast food last night (it's 2:15am) so I'll have to make better choices the rest of the week and be prepared to make healthier meals. It's not that I can't have fast food on WW as long as I count all the PP values, it's that I don't want to use so many points on one meal. There are no GHG's in any of the fast food. No, I take that back. The soda can count toward the fluids. I'll check that off later in the morning because the WW site is down for maintenance right now. But really there's not much else that's a GHG in a fast food meal.

I'm so excited that I made it into the 270's. I already got my sticker for that new decade so I won't get one this go round. I'll have to wait until I get in the 260's to get my next one. That will take about a month's time if I keep on plan.

Dori wasn't at the meeting last night which I thought was interesting. Anne led the meeting. I like her so it was okay that she led the meeting but I missed Dori. I think everyone did. Dori's meeting is just so different than any other meeting. Nobody does awards like Dori does. And her meetings are so positive and honest. I just thought that it was interesting that I was blogging about not getting connected to the meeting leader and then Dori takes a night off. Anne did an okay job but it just wasn't as exciting as a Dori meeting. Dori is going to be doing a meeting for Anne today so I might go to that just to get my Dori fix. I want to be able to tell her that I lost 2.8 lbs. and I'm close to getting my next 5 lb star for a 20 lb loss total. Not having Dori there made me realize that it would be a downright shame if she retired. So many people would miss her, including me.

It was kind of a weird meeting where the weekly topic (being active) got strewn around the 1/2 meeting with the awards interspersed here and there. Anne seemed to not know what to say and just kept asking people if they had anything to share. Thankfully enough people did. There was one "oops" moment when a lady said that she doesn't have time to exercise and a guy at the end of her row said those were just excuses. I think that made her feel bad. Anne tried to deflect it by saying that everyone is different but the damage had been done. This guy has lost 50 lbs and kind of talks like he knows everything. He's working out a lot and feels everyone should be working out or they are just making excuses for not doing it. I'm glad he's able to work out but not everyone will. Anne told us about a guy who lost 95lbs and never worked out. He just followed the plan and lost weight in a timely manner. That was encouraging for me since I'm not working out right now. I do want to eventually be hiking again but it's good to know that I can lose weight even if I don't work out.

The meeting was just weird.

Nobody talked to me beside the receptionist who did my weigh in. I didn't talk to anyone either beside the receptionist. I just don't know how to start up a conversation with someone I don't know. I sat by myself and it felt awkward. I did sit in the front section instead of against the back wall. I was the fourth row back on the end. But no one acknowledged me. I need to start talking more in the meetings. I've been very quiet. Last week the meeting was really loud. While Dori was talking other members were chit chatting pretty loudly. I guess that last week 4 people walked out and stopped by the receptionist and told them that they couldn't hear anything because of the chit chat. I was annoyed by it myself. Anne mentioned it and asked for people to not be s loud during the meeting. It was a much better meeting because she did that. You could tell that people were just chomping at the bit to chit chat with their friends during the meeting. I'm glad Anne held it together so well last night.

Now in celebrity news: Jessica Simpson has joined WW. After she had the baby she realized she had a lot of weight to lose and decided that WW is the way to go. It will be fun to follow her journey.

There is a summer contest going on (May 27 - July 6) called LiveLifeActive. You enter your AP's each day and as you do that there are special things online that you get to open up that give you information or something. You can win prizes too. I'm going to try to get activity in each day for the next 6 weeks. I'd like to walk at least 3 times each week and do housework (laundry, dishes, grocery shopping) the other days. I could also do some activity in the pool. If I get over there early there shouldn't be too many people. I know I'll look horrendous in a swimsuit. I do have those swim shorts I got for the YMCA. I think they would still fit. I'll have to dig them out and see if they do fit. I'd definitely go over to the pool with those on. I'm too fat to go with just a swimsuit on. I'm glad I remembered those shorts. It would feel good to be in the water again. I'll also have to check to see if they are going to have an early morning aerobics class like they've done in years past. I'll have to wait for the June Bunny Tracks to come out. It should be on the calendar if they are doing it. If not I can do it myself. I also need to find out about pool hours. I think I'd like to get a kick board instead of a noodle, or maybe both. They aren't that expensive and they would allow me to do more in the pool. I'm getting excited about it now. I just need the swim shorts to fit.

I just weighed myself and I'm 280.4. That's okay though because I ate all that fast food last night. It's going to show up on the scale. I'll work hard this week to lose the 1.2 pounds I need to get to 20 lbs lost. I'll be glad when I'm deep enough into the 270's that 280 isn't possible anymore. I must be patient though. And I HAVE TO get in my GHG's EVERY DAY!! That's what will really help me to lose the weight. I think even if I ate a healthier meal I'd still be up 1/2 a pound. I just drank a bottle of water while sitting here blogging. Hopefully that will wash out some of the calories. I'm not going to be obsessive about this but I think if I check the scale more often then I'll know how food and drink is effecting my weight. It's like a diabetic taking their blood sugar multiple times a day to see where they stand. I want to see where I stand each day. It's nice to know that the WW scale and our home scale are so close on weight. It gives me an idea of where I'll be before I get there. I think if I only weighed myself at weigh in I'd be more apt to focus on that number purely and let it dictate how I feel. Knowing ahead of time will allow me to work toward the goal I want for the week.

It's exciting to think that by the end of June I could be in the 269 lbs range. I think that's my 10% goal area too. It might be 264.9 It's nice that I can look ahead and be psyched instead of being overwhelmed. But I'm really going to focus on just these next 2 lbs so I can get my next 5 lb star for being 20 lbs. lighter. I'm really looking forward to that. I've got the food here I need to make it a successful week. Now I just have to prepare it. Lean meat, salad and non-starchy veggies for every meal would be good. I think I can do it. There was a good looking recipe in the WW Weekly handout for ginger lime chicken. I think I'll try that next week.

Next weeks topic is going to be setting goals for the summer. My goals for the summer are to:

* lose 8 - 10 lbs per month (June - August)
* exercise in the pool
* walk at Palmer Park
* eat more healthy
* meet my GHG's every day
* try at least one new meal each week
* attend at least one WW meeting each week and weigh in
* get my next 16 weeks charm (32 weeks total)
* get my 25 lb and my 50 lb WW bling (even if I have to buy it myself)
* get my 10% star

Those are some good goals and are attainable too. I can do this! It's amazing to think how much I could accomplish just over the summer. Losing 24 - 30 lbs in 3 months time would make an amazing difference in my body and my mind. I can just imagine by next summer being able to wear just a bathing suit and looking good in it. I can imagine being someone who inspires others to lose the weight. My goal right now is 174 but I think I'll be going lower than that. I'd really like to be in the 140's - 150's. But that's a ways down the road. I don't need to worry about that right now.

I need to get going on making David's lunch so I can get back to bed. I don't have anywhere to go today so I can sleep off and on all day. Hopefully Bayou won't be in one of her in and out moods. I may have someone come by tomorrow to check out our tree out front. It cracked twice now and David has bolted it together. But last night it was really creaking bad. I worry that it will come down on our house or the Deno's house. That would be a disaster. So I need to see if I can get someone out her to give me an estimate on how much it would cost to take it down. I'm going to check with the office too and see if we are responsible for the removal of the tree since we don't own the land and didn't plant the tree. It's worth checking into. It'll probably cost $500 - $600 to get the tree removed. I'll miss the tree but I won't miss worrying about it snapping and hitting the Deno's house. This is the tree and that's the Deno's house right behind it.

Off to make David's lunch and then off to bed. Later.

Calmed down

I have calmed down since my last post. I still stand by everything I posted though. I decided to call my allergy doctor since my allergies have been so bad and I'm having trouble breathing. It could be allergies, anxiety or the fire smoke from fires burning in Colorado and New Mexico (or Arizona). Calling the doctor was the right thing to do. I almost wasn't going to call just because David wanted me to. That would be letting him control my behavior and I'm not going to let that happen. I also decided to cook dinner now. He can always heat it up when he gets home. I made chicken, a baked potato and peas. It's still cooking right now. It should be ready by 4:30pm. I don't know what time David will be home so I'd rather just do it now instead of waiting until later to do it so I'm doing it now.

David got home at 4pm, before dinner was even ready. He acted like nothing even happened. Typical.

Dinner was good. I've used all my points for the day but still have 42 weekly points left and 14 AP's that I want use. WI is tomorrow so my numbers will reset at midnight. I'm sure I've lost some weight this week. My scale at home shows that I've lost a couple of pounds. I think that I'll probably have breakfast tomorrow and then not eat until after my meeting. David has golf so won't be home until late. I'll probably make a salad. I might get some bread to go with it. I was going to go to the store today but will do it tomorrow after I drop off Bayou at daycare. I don't need anything right away so it can wait. I'd like to have the Werther's candies because I'm craving something like that but it's no big deal. I'll be fine without it.

It will be a busy day tomorrow. I'd like to walk but it will depend on my breathing. If I'm still having trouble breathing I'll wait either until I don't have trouble or until I see the allergy doctor. I told David I made an appointment and he seemed disgusted that I didn't make an appointment with my physician. I feel like it would be better to see the allergy doctor. I'm an adult and it's my choice. If I need to see Shellie I'll make an appointment but for now I'll see the allergy doctor.

Later.

Unexpected argument

I just had an unexpected argument with David. He has to stay at work after his quitting time and he's mad that he has to do that. He told me that he really hates his job. I told him that I know that. He yelled at me and said that I didn't know how much he hates where he works. I said, okay then, I don't understand. The other day he came home and said that he wished that I could work so he could quit his job. Talk about putting pressure on me. I can't work. That's just the way it is. I'd like to say that he's just taking his frustration out on me but I know that he's mad at me because I don't work and he has to. If I could work, I would but I can't. I'm just so upset that he yelled at me and was angry at me for "not understanding". I've listened to him talk about how much he hates his job so I do know how he feels but he seems to think that because I don't work now that I can't understand. I've been in a job I didn't like and so I do understand but that's not enough for him. Sometimes he's just downright mean.

I was so upset that I ate some chips and a WW mini bar. I didn't need any of that but was so emotionally upset that I turned to food to console myself. Now I don't know what to expect when he gets home. Is he still going to be angry? Is he going to continue to take it out on me? Thankfully I see Alicia, my therapist, tomorrow and I can talk to her about this. It makes me want to leave him. I never know what to expect from him. All I did was answer the phone and try to be understanding and I got yelled at for it. He's not very fair in how he treats me. He's always taking his frustrations out on me. If I say "no" to him or don't do what he thinks I should do he gets mad. He also asked if I went for a walk today. I told him I didn't because I was having trouble breathing and he yelled at me to call my doctor. I don't like to be told what to do. I'll call the doctor when I'm ready to call the doctor. He's just being a horse's ass today.

I wish I hadn't turned to food but honestly I was afraid and fear makes me eat. I eat to get rid of the feelings. I know I need to deal with the feelings head on and not turn to food but I do. It's a pattern I've had all my life and it's hard to break it. I still have 17 points left for the day and 40+ weekly points left so I'm okay with my points. That's not the issue though. The issue is eating when I'm upset. I just had to eat to alleviate the feelings. Honestly I'm tired of being in a relationship like this. He had no right to be mean to me just because he's frustrated with work. If he could quit I'd be happy but he doesn't do anything to change things. He doesn't look for a new job, he doesn't try to change things at work, he doesn't get counseling. All he does is yell at me and be mean to me. What he really wants is for me to go to work so he can quit working. I don't know how he expects that to happen when I'm on disability. Even if I could work, I'm not going to make enough money to support both of us. And I shouldn't have to do that anyway. He needs to just grow up.

Now I'm angry and frustrated. I'm not going to turn to food though. I'm going to wait for dinner to eat. If I really feel like I need to eat, then I'll have some fruit or the leftover salad. That's all 0 points food. I'm not going to let David ruin my weigh in tomorrow night. He doesn't even know how long he'll have to be at work. He could be making a big deal over nothing. Even if he does have to stay at work, he'll get OT for it. We can use the money so instead of being grateful that he gets OT he's pissing and moaning about it. He's not even grateful to have a good job that has good benefits. He's going to lose his job because of his attitude one day and then we'll be in a world of hurt.

When he acts like this I get nervous because we can't afford for him to lose his job. He just doesn't think. It's like he thinks that we could survive just on my disability pay. I can barely cover the land lease and mortgage. What would we do about everything else? Sometimes he just doesn't think.

I'm not going to ask him to grill anything tonight so I'll have to cook something in the oven. I'll probably make pork chops instead of the steak I was thinking about. I'll make a baked potato and maybe make some peas with it. I won't cook until he gets home since I don't know what time he'll be here. it would be nice if he would call me and apologize but I won't expect that. Usually he just starts acting nice and never mentions being mean to me. He just expects me to be grateful that he's being nice again. I wish I wasn't stuck in this relationship. Right now I really want out but can't afford to be on my own. I can't afford to be in an abusive relationship either and that's what that is. This weekend he came in and "asked" me to go to the store for him to buy an edger (which we just bought, it is part of the weed eater). I said no and he yelled at me and said I could take care of the yard. I told him that I would. I can always call someone to take care of the yard. That person won't make me feel bad about them having to do the yard work. David always makes me feel bad that he has to do yard work. He always tries to get me to do something for him so that I'm doing "my part". I don't ask him to help with the laundry or dishes but he ALWAYS wants me to do something (usually run to the store to get something) so that I'm doing something. He always gets pissed off if he has to do something and he thinks that I'm not doing something. He really needs to grow up and stop taking things out on me.

People over at the pool are playing music really loud. If they're doing that when he gets home he'll probably say something to them. He'll get mad, I know that. It's aggravating that people play music so loud but we chose to live next to the clubhouse and this is part of living here. He'll just take it out on me because he'll blame me for not taking care of it. I am getting more frustrated every minute. I'm tired of him being mean to me. I don't deserve this kind of treatment. I didn't do anything to cause this. Of course he thinks that I did something because I don't work and he thinks I should. He's always looking for jobs for me. He just doesn't understand and he doesn't listen to me.

He would have been home in 10 minutes but we'll see how long it is until he gets home. I think it would be deserving if he got home not long after his usual time since he made such a big fuss out of it. Probably though he'll get home late and he'll be pissed off. That will be bad for me. Even if he apologizes it will still stink that he was mean to me. He always does that. He'll be mean to me and then either just act like it didn't happen or apologize and act like I'm supposed to just forget that he was mean.

Okay, I've got it all out now. I hope I can just get on with my day and not let it keep controlling my food intake. I can't let David's behavior control what I do. It does though and I know that. We'll see what happens when David gets home. I'm not looking forward to it.

"Slept in" until 8am

I got back to bed around 2:30am when David got called to go into work. I woke up around 4am when his alarm went off - he forgot to turn it off. Then I woke up again when he came home to shower. I think I slept good from 6am - 8am Bayou wanted to get up then so she could of course come out to the living room and lay on the couch. That's just like her to wake me up so she can come out here to sleep more. LOL I called Lisa to go walking this morning but she has exams she's giving so she's not available. I was going to go on my own but think I'll wait and see if she can go later today. That way I don't have to go alone and I can get my breakfast in this morning early instead of waiting until 10:30am or so. There's no rush for me to go up there to walk. Plus, it's only 54 degrees out right now. It shouldn't be too hot later. It's supposed to be in the 70's today so that won't be too bad.

I just had my breakfast - a bowl of Kashi GoLean Crunch with fat free milk and a banana. I took my morning meds and my vitamin and supplements just before I ate. I'm glad to get that out of the way. I'll take the Osteo BiFlex later today.

WI day is tomorrow. I'm going to eat light throughout the day so I'm not adding too much to WI. I'm 279.4 this morning but that's with lighter pants on. It's nice to see the 270's again! That gets me excited and makes me want to stay on plan. When I can see a difference like that it motivates me. I already have the new decade sticker so I won't get a new one (I don't think). I'm waiting for that 5 lb sticker for getting to 20 lbs lost. I didn't get there last winter. I was close though (.4 lbs away I think). That will be a real milestone for me. Then it's on to 25 lbs lost. I just have to keep taking it 5 lbs at a time. That's an attainable goal for me. Anything more than that and I'd be overwhelmed and would probably quit. Just like everything else, it's about baby steps.

I finished my grocery list and have just a few things to pick up later today. I'll go to the Safeway since Target didn't have a few things on my list. Walmart is cheaper but I don't like the drive down there and the store is so freakin' big! I feel like I waste a lot of time in there. With Safeway, I pretty much know where stuff is and I can get in and out quickly. I'm not sure when I'll do that. I may wait until David gets home. I'll see how my day goes.

I'm already checking off some of the GHG's for today. Drinking water is probably the hardest thing for me to do. Easting enough fruits and veggies is pretty hard too. I'm going to do my best though. Following the Good Healthy Guidelines will help me to get a better WI tomorrow evening.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's meeting already. I'll get to weigh in, try out my connection skills with other people, hear what the weekly topic is and get to sit through awards. It's always inspiring to me to see other people getting their awards for losing weight and NSV (non scale victories). Even if I'm not getting something I like to be there because it's encouraging. If other people can do it, so can I. I still remember the woman from last week who lost 100 pounds. That was amazing. She looked, well, normal. lol I have 105.4 to go to get to my ultimate goal of 174 (may go lower than that once I get there but I'll make that decision then). I see people in person and online who have done it and it makes it possible for me to do it too. Just knowing that other every day ordinary people are losing that much weight by being on the WW plan and living the WW lifestyle gives me hope. I can do this!

I've got the dishwasher going now and I'll get the shirts hung up a little later (my most dreaded task). That will give me some activity points for housework. I like wracking up the activity points even though I don't use them. They can be swapped out for PP values for food. I'd rather have the activity done and maybe lose a little more weight rather then "eat" my AP's.

I'll be ready for a morning nap here pretty quick. My morning meds are taking effect. It's better if I don't drive when I've taken them. I get pretty sleepy.

It feels good to have the kitchen loaded with fruits, veggies and other healthy foods. I have lots of variety and tons of choices to make if I want something to snack on. I need to decide what's for dinner tonight. There's lots to choose from in the fridge (steak, pork, burgers, chicken). I'll figure that out later.

I'm going to go get Bayou to come in and go and lay down for a while. I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.

Later gator.

I'd rather be in bed but...

David and Bayou are hogging the bed and my covers! They both are sore and tired from playing and working yesterday and I can't get either to budge. So I came out here to blog. Bayou and I stay home today so it's not a big deal if I'm up during the night. I'm sure Bayou will sleep some later too since she played so hard at daycare yesterday. I can take time and make David's lunch while I'm up. I don't mink making his lunch. I usually do it Monday through Thursday. He gets paid on Friday so he eats at the cafeteria at work or eats out. This week I only have to do it Tuesday through Thursday since yesterday was a holiday. Woohoo for the holiday!

I'm not craving food. I just realized that. For a while when I was waking up in the middle of the night I was craving food. Not tonight though. I'm actually craving water/tea. It's too late to be making tea so I'll have to stick with water. I'm going to try to drink a half bottle of water (about 8 oz.) while I sit here. That will help me get my GHG checks in eTools.

One thing I've been having a lot of difficulty with is taking my supplements. I need to take my multi vitamin and oil pill each day. I was having difficult taking them and taking all my other pills too. And when I added in the Osteo BiFlex humungous pill I about gagged every time. So I'm going to take my morning pills before I eat, my supplements after I eat and the OBF humungous pill later in the day when I'm not filling so full from all the pills.

My knee is actually feeling okay tonight. I'm looking forward to going for a walk with Lisa later this morning. I'll call her around 8:30am and see what time would work for her. I'd like to walk with her because walking alone these days is a better dangerous. A lady got attacked on a trail yesterday in broad daylight with people around. She said that no one helped her. I'd like to think that people up on the Mesa Trail would help someone if they heard a person in distress. But since I can't be sure of that, walking with Lisa would be a good idea.

I'm going to have to face my bed sooner or later if I plan on going back to bed this morning but moving Bayou is never any fun. I could just crash on the couch and get up when David's clock goes off and jump back in my bed. Bayou usually moves to David's pillow when he gets up and opens up my space in the bed. I should just go in there in move her. I'd want to make David's lunch first anyway so I don't have to get up at 4am to do it. I'm already up so doing it now makes sense.

I was thinking more last night about getting connected to the WW meeting on Wednesday night. I could talk to Dori and ask her how to go about doing that. I've already had some good suggestions from people in the WW online community - after the meeting go congratulate people who have received awards or who have lost a lot of weight, just smile and say hello to people. It's pretty simple stuff and I should try it. I also need to sit amongst the crowd. I usually pick the back row or aisle chairs. I do that because I spill over the chair and hate to be rubbing up against someone during the whole meeting. I get there early enough before the meeting that I could move a chair so that I'm in the thick of things but that there is enough room on either side of my chair for me and my overage. Then I'd just have to have the courage to speak to people instead of just sitting there like a bump on a log. I could ask people how their week went. Maybe they would talk, maybe not, but I've got to try or I'm never going to feel connected.

I just weighed myself and I'm at 280.4! I hope I can ride that number into the weigh in on Wednesday night. I'm going to have to eat light Wednesday for breakfast and lunch. I'll need to drink a lot of water too. Not so much that I'm waterlogged but enough that I flush out my system. Half a pound more and I'll be in the 279's. A new decade. I was there before I quit. I know I can get there again. I really want to hit that 20 lbs lost mark (278.4). I've got a couple of pounds to go before I get there. I could walk more and eat less to get there this seek but I want to get there honestly and not by pushing myself. It will come off. I just have to be patient.

I'd like to get another 5 lb star and then work my way toward the 25 lb circle thingy. I'd feel like I was on my way if I got there. First things first though. I need to keep these 2 lbs I've lost off of me for good. I need to eat healthier this week. I did get a lot of fruits and veggies at the store. I just have to make sure I eat them. And I HAVE to drink water/tea.

Getting the GHG's in is key to losing weight. I know that. I can do it if I put my mind to it. I can drink 48 oz. of water/tea a day, I get get in 5-6 fruits and veggies per day too. I can get in the dairy with my cereal milk and a slice of cheese at lunch time. I can take my vitamin and my oil pill and try to get in one more oil each day. Then all I have to do is add in a walk every day or some housework to get my AP's in. I also need to follow the Power Foods list as much as I can. I don't want to do the Simply Filling technique where you don't track, you just eat off the Power Foods list (you track the stray food that's not on there that you eat). I like tracking. But eating off that list gives me more food to eat without racking up a lot of points.

I keep saying I'm going to look over that list and I never get around to it. It would help me with my grocery list and meal planning too. There's a grocery list pdf file on the WW site but I can't find it. I'll have to keep hunting around for it. That would also be helpful. Found the grocery list and printed it out.

David just got a call on the duty page and has to go into work. I made his lunch and now I can go back to bed. More later.

Grocery shopping? Umm, yes!

David wanted salad for dinner and I wanted that too so I went to the grocery store. I thought about just picking up the salad stuff but I had some energy and since I was there I decided to just pick up everything I needed. Thankfully it wasn't very busy (I was there just after 5pm) because of the holiday. There were just a few things that they didn't have that I'll have to get at the Safeway (bagels, Werther's hard candies, Calcium for David). I'll try to do that tomorrow since it will only take a few minutes. The Werther's candies were suggested at a WW meeting to help with sweets cravings.

It took me about 40 minutes to do the shopping and about 20 minutes to put everything away. After that I made the salad. I'm resting now and blogging of course. That will give me some Activity Points for the day which is good.

I'm glad I got the shopping out of the way. I've been putting if off since Friday. I had enough food for meals so it wasn't a big deal. Today though I really needed to go to the store  since we didn't have much for meals beside brats, which I don't eat. The salad tonight was really good so I'm glad I made it. I had enough left over for lunch tomorrow. I thought about putting it in David's lunch but I think I'll keep it for mine. lol I can have it with my sandwich. I did get some regular popcorn at the store too because the 94% FF is like cardboard. I got chips too to have with my lunch. I'm going to do my best not to snack on them otherwise.

I'd like to go for a walk tomorrow with Lisa if I'm not too tired, too sore or too out of breath. Sheesh! I'm a wreck! LOL I'm not feeling too bad tonight and the walk around the store told me that I could walk tomorrow. I just have to work out a time with Lisa. I'm going to do the 10 minute walk again. I don't want to push myself. I'll give it a couple of weeks of 10 minutes on the small loop then maybe try doing it twice. I'll know when it's time to start doing the loop twice. I probably could now at the pace I go at but I just don't want to over do it. Thankfully Lisa goes with me even though it's only a 10 minute walk and not any kind of workout for her. lol

I got a response on the WW online community about my post on success. One thing I didn't think of that I want to get and deserve to get from this journey is confidence. I know that as I go along I will get more confidence as I lose weight and follow the plan. I think I will also gain more respect for myself as I continue the WW plan because I'll be taking care of myself and doing the right things for me. I think if I can connect with people at the meeting I'll also feel different. Right now, even though I feel like I belong there, I don't feel connected at all. Dori is nice but I don't have a relationship with her yet. I hope to have one as I go along in my journey. I have to admit that it's in the back of my mind that she could leave so I don't want to get too close to her (like I felt I did with Karen). Dori has been there a long time and could retire at any time. I know that. I have to connect with the meeting not just Dori. I wan to feel like I belong there even if Dori leaves. I don't know if anyone else would do the awards the way Dori does and that's what I really like. I guess I'll just go every Wednesday no matter what unless I feel like I'm just not connecting at all. I'll give it a few months. If after that long, I haven't connected with anyone, I'll have to rethink the situation.

I could blog all night. LOL I love putting my thoughts in a post. It helps me to clear my head and to work things out. Plus I just have too much to put in a WW post. I like to try to keep those short. These though are for me so I feel like I can make them as long as I want them to be. It's good for me to blog about all this stuff. No one would want to hear it all anyway. lol

Well, I guess that's all I have to blog for now. I'm sure I'll think of something else later.

Grocery shopping? Umm, nope...

It's 4:20pm and David is still working in the yard so I haven't done the grocery shopping yet. It will probably have to wait until tomorrow. I can leave Bayou for a while to get it done. We don't really have anything for dinner tonight though. I don't know if I have anything to make. He could have brats but we don't have any chips. Hmm. I'd be fine having an English muffin but David will need more than that. I guess I could get some chips for him at the 7-Eleven. I'll have to check with him and see what he wants. I guess I could still go shopping if I have to. I don't really want to go this late in the day but I could.

I don't know what David is doing out in the yard. He gets it in his head to do these projects that I don't understand why he has to do them. I know he cares more about the yard than I do so he probably sees things that I don't see. I just wish he wouldn't start things so late in the day. I know he'll be hungry when he gets in the house. Hopefully brats will be okay with him. If not, I'll be going to the store (and can I stress that I really, really don't want to).

I need to not focus so much on what David wants to eat but what I need to do about eating. I already ate the majority of my points today (5 left) so I don't want to eat anything with high points. An English muffin along with some fruit would be good for me. I know that David depends on me to take care of his meals, which is okay most of the time, but sometimes, like today, I don't like being responsible for his meals. Since he's been out working in the yard all day he'll get mad if I don't take care of his dinner. It's not that I don't want to take care of dinner but I didn't get to the store (yet again) so doing something for dinner won't be easy, unless he wants brats.

Okay, I'm done with this topic. I need to move on to other things. I'll blog more later once dinner is done and I don't have to fret about it.

What will success look like for me on the WW plan?

What will success look like for me on the WW plan? Part of it is how I will look as I lose weight. A bigger part of it is being good to and taking care of myself along the way. Success isn't just about the numbers although they do matter to me. I like getting the stickers and look forward to the WW bling for losing the pounds but if I'm not changing the way I feel about myself and taking care of me then it's really all for naught. I have to believe that not only can this happen but it will because I deserve it. I deserve good things in life.

These are some of the good things I deserve:

* to be healthy
* to be happy
* to not be controlled by food
* to not feel guilty about eating
* healthy activity
* clothes that fit
* not feeling tired after I take a shower
* to enjoy food
* looking forward to weigh in
* WW meetings
* being able to keep up with family and friends

These are the things I can think of right now but I know there are many, many more things that I deserve. I'm sure there are things that I don't even know about that I deserve too. That will come with time.

So tell me, what are the good things you deserve in life? What does success in the WW plan mean to you? What are you doing to succeed?

Did I blow it this week?

We got fast food for lunch today. Ugh! Now I wish I hadn't done it. Too late though. I'm going to have to watch it the next couple of days since I weigh in on Wednesday night. I only  have 5 points left for today. I can have a salad later if I'm hungry. I still have my weekly points if I need them. I just hate using them. At some point I'll be at 26 points per day along with my 49 weekly points. It will be a while before I get there but I don't want to pig out now and then fail later when I have less points. It's not that I can't have fast food. On WW I can have anything. I just need to be smart about it and stay within my daily points. So far this week I've been below my daily points for the majority of the days. I haven't felt like I'm starving or even hungry most of the time. I'm definitely full right now though so I don't even need to think about another meal until much later, if at all.

I still haven't done the grocery shopping. I'm not sure I'll get it done today. I have to pick up Bayou in 2 hours and I just ate so I'm not up to going before I pick her up. I could always go after that. David can watch Bayou while I go. It will be better to go after I ate anyway so I'm not hungry while I shop. That's always a bad idea.

I think a walk is out for today unless I really feel like it later today. I can always go tomorrow or Wednesday.

I just weighed myself in my weigh in clothes - 280.2. I sure hope that holds up for weigh in day. I'd be down 2.4 if that was the case. That would be nice. Any loss would be good. I think my clothes are fitting different. They feel a little loser around the waist. Not sure if it's just my imagination or if it's really happening. I'll see at weigh in on Wednesday.

More later.

No walk this morning

David brought Bayou to daycare so I could sleep in. I slept until about 8am. When I got up this morning I was so out of breath and tired. I took a shower and it took all my energy just to get that done. I called Lisa and told her that I was having trouble breathing because I'm overweight so I couldn't go walk this morning. I'm disappointed because I really wanted to go walk this morning. She said that if I wanted to go later to call her. I still have to go to the grocery store and I'm not sure I can do both today. Maybe I can go this evening. I'll just have to play it by ear.

Maria comes to clean the house this morning. I may go grocery shopping while she is cleaning the house. I'll have to check with David first to see if he minds me going while Maria is here. He's outside working on the yard so it should be okay.

It's funny but I haven't had a real hard time this weekend with food. David even asked if I wanted anything at the store when he went to gas up the car and I said that I didn't want anything. It's Monday and I'm still doing okay. I haven't put together a grocer list yet. I may shop without one today. That's not a good plan though so maybe I should make a list. I still haven't planned meals beyond today. David wants to grill steak today and have salad and baked potatoes with it. I'll just get some meats, salad stuff and veggies. I'll do my best to stay out of the middle aisles at the store. I know I'm going to get chips though. I enjoy having them at lunch and David likes them for lunch too. I don't know if I can control my snacking on them but I'll do the best that I can.

I'm going to get a lot of fruit (apples, oranges, grapes, bananas) and more veggies than I usually get. I'll get the salad stuff plus squash, zucchini, corn, peas and carrots. I want to have a lot of stuff around that are Power Foods to eat. I'll look over the list before I go shopping. There's also a WW shopping list that I need to find that will help with picking out healthier food choices. I'll go look that up now.

That really helped to look up the grocery list. Now I have my list all done and will have meals for the rest of the week.

Maria will be done in an hour so I'll wait until then to go shopping. It won't take me long to shop since I basically know what I'll be getting. I'll mostly be shopping the outside aisles since the processed foods are in the middle aisles. I'll get a few things there but not much. Mostly it's fruits, veggies and meats. I'm looking forward to having more fruits and veggies in the house. I have wanted things to snack on. I've been choosing WW mini bars and fruit (mostly apples). I want to have more of a variety though. I think I might have lost some weight this week. If not, I think it will be because I haven't been drinking much water. I've got to get back to drinking more tea to get the water in. I'm trying to meet my GHG's every day but have been falling short. I'm trying to better day by day.

We'll be grilling for dinner tonight so I don't have to worry about what's for dinner. I'll make a salad and bake a potato for us to share to go with the steak. David wants me to get a T-bone steak. I'll get that as long as it's not super expensive. It's a holiday (Memorial Day) so David wants to cook something special. Sounds good to me.

I'm really hoping I'll be up for a walk later. I'll see how I do at the grocery store before I decide that. If the grocery store is too much then I won't walk. If I do okay at the grocery store then I may see if Lisa can walk later today, closer to evening. I'd like to walk while Bayou is in daycare or when David can watch her so she doesn't have to be in her kennel.

Okay, that's it for now. More later.

Terrible day yesterday, better day today

David slept all day yesterday so I had to let Bayou in and out. It was not any fun. Plus I felt lonely. I tried to wake him up at noon but he stayed int bed until late in the afternoon. It just made for a terrible day. Plus, the kitchen was a mess and laundry was piling up but I didn't feel like doing any housework. When the kitchen is messed up I feel yucky. I just laid on the couch off and on all day. Very boring, terrible day.

Today however is a better day. I loaded the dishwasher, which cleaned up the kitchen, and got the dishes going. I also am doing laundry so it's not piled up. I still need to clean off the table in the dining room. I'll get to that a little bit later. David's been up all day so I don't feel lonely. He's out working on the yard right now. The Red Sox are on TV. So it's a good day. I still have dishes that need to be washed so I'll have to unload the dishwasher and load it up again. Clothes are still drying but as soon as they are done I'll get them put away. Shirts are up next which I hate. I'm going to do my best to get them put away today. I haven't gotten to the grocery store yet. I don't know if I'll go today or wait until tomorrow. I'll be out early to drop Bayou off at daycare so I could time it so I could go to the store right from there.

I talked to Lisa earlier and we are going to go walking in the morning around 9:30 or 10:00. Making a date to go walking helps me to commit to doing it. I'd like to walk on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays when Bayou is in daycare. That way I don't have to put her in her kennel. It feels weird to take 20 minutes to drive over there to only walk for 10 minutes but I just love walking there. It's worth the drive. It's nice to spend some time with Lisa too. I was a little sore after Friday's walk so I'm glad I took a couple days off before walking again.

I haven't been using all my points each day this week. I feel like I'm eating plenty but I'm just not getting the points in. I haven't used any of my weekly points yet either. I'm not drinking enough water and I'm not getting my GHG's checks in either. I don't think I'll lose any weight if I'm not doing those 2 things. I need to drink more tea so I can get some fluids in. I need to get some stuff at the store so I can make salad (tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots). I'm going to get some burgers so we can grill tomorrow. I loved that guacamole cheeseburger I had last week and want to have another one.

I still haven't figured out how to come up with meals so I can plan out half the week's meals. I'm really bored with all food. Last night I made crescent dogs and fries. It wasn't good at all. I want to incorporate more fresh foods in my meals. I think that might help. Having all the carbs isn't helping me weight wise and it's not tasty at all. I need to figure out some different salads to make (fruit, different veggies) so I can have some variety. I've got to check out some recipes to add some new things into the meal plan. I have a WW cookbook I can look through and some other cookbooks too.

I looked through the WW cookbook. There were a few things in there that were interesting to me but not a ton of stuff. I'm just going to have to be creative with meal ideas. I can't eat the same things over and over again. It's getting to be real boring and it makes me want to eat fast food and junk food when I don't feel full from eating my meals. I still have a Betty Crocker cookbook to look through. I'll do that in a little bit.

More later.

Success

I've been reading success stories on the WW site this afternoon. One woman lost 200 pounds!! There is a section of people who have lost 100+ pounds and since I have to lose more than 100 pounds I read that section. It was motivating and scary. I worry that I won't be able to lose the weight that I have to lose. Most people said that they did it by having small goals and just looking at that instead of looking at the big picture (no pun intended). I can lose 5 lbs. I can do that. Right now I need to lose about 5 lbs to get to the 20 lbs. lost mark. If I just focus on 5 lbs. I can do this. If I think of doing more it just won't happen because I'll become overwhelmed. Heck, I'm overwhelmed already.

I don't know what to eat. I need a manual for what to eat each meal. LOL Seriously though, I just don't know how to put meals together. I'm going to have to do more research and figure out how to plan meals. I know WW has cookbooks but I need meal books. There is a page of Power Foods and that's where I need to start. There is also a quick start guide for putting meals together that I can use. I've been just trying to come up with things myself and that has not been working. I always seem to have too many carbs in my meals. I've got to get this figured out or I'm not going to lose any weight. I want to eat things that I like but I also want to eat healthier.

The Power Start handouts have menus in them but there's too much in them that I don't like. I guess I could give it a whirl though and just change out the things that I don't like with things that I do like. I wonder if other people have the same trouble that I have. I've tried following other peoples meal plans but I end up not liking too much of it and give up on it. I tried eMeals and The Peaceful Mom's meal plans but didn't like either of them really. I'll have to see if there is more information on the WW site or other online sites. I have found some sites that give PP values for meals but they don't always appeal to me because they seem too fancy. I want simple.

I am going to have to come up with a plan though. It's grocery shopping day and I haven't gone because I don't know what to get. What do I put together to make a healthy PP value friendly meal. I'm thinking that looking online is my best bet. Time to go research.

Walked at Palmer Park again this morning

I brought Bayou to daycare this morning and then came home and went back to bed. I decided to skip the WW meeting at 10am. Lisa called me around then but I didn't answer because I was in bed. Once I got up I listened to her message. I knew she was calling about going walking (which she was) so I got ready to walk and then called her back. We met up at Palmer Park at 11:15am and walked the small loop. It only takes about 10 minutes to do that loop but I was happy that I was doing it again this week. It was pretty nippy up there today. I had on a jacket which helped but my ears just about froze off today. It was about 50 degrees but windy. I did just fine walking. We kept a slow, steady pace where I could talk while walking. It went by really fast since Lisa and I were chatting. Hooray for walking!!

I think I'm going to just go to one meeting a week for now. When I tried to WI on Wednesday I couldn't because Pat messed up my check in on Monday. She was supposed to check me in as a visitor but didn't so I couldn't officially weigh in on Wednesday. Having to check in at meetings is becoming a pain so I just might not go to other meetings. I'll just stick with my Wednesday evening meeting. Plus, now that the leaders all have the same flip chart to do the meeting, it is getting to be a bit repetitive. I don't mind hearing the weekly topic 3 times but I could do without it and be okay. I know I can always go to a meeting if I need one so it's not like I'm keeping myself from what I need. I'll try it and see how it goes. I can always go back to multiple meetings if I need to.

I gained .2 last week. I'm not surprised because I was eating a lot of junk. I'm going to use that small gain as motivation to make better choices and to get out there and walk as much as I'm able to this week. I don't want to over do on the walking though because then I won't be able to walk at all and that would be bad. I really want to reach that 20 lbs. lost mark and I'm not going to do it by gaining weight (duh!). So I'm going to try to plan out meals for a few days to get through the Memorial Day weekend. I have a tough time on weekends anyway and now I have an extra day to add on to that because of the holiday. I'm hoping that by planning out meals that it will help.

I don't think I'm going to shop for a week at a time though. I end up wasting too much food when I do that. I may try shopping 2 times a week and see how that goes. That way too I won't have to plan out meals for a whole week. That's a daunting task for me. I can do a few days but planning out a whole week and then shopping for it is just too hard for me right now. I'll try shopping 2 times a week and see how that goes. What I'm doing now isn't working so I have to try something different.

I need to go to the grocery store but I'm not sure if I'll go today or tomorrow. Tonight we'll have egg noodles and steak for David and chicken for me (it's what I had in the freezer). I'll slice up some cucumber and tomato to go with it. That will be a nice dinner. I'll need to plan out a few days meals so I'll know what to get at the store. I have stuff here for BLT's, crescent dogs and spaghetti. That would take care of dinners through the long weekend. I'm sure there's a few things I'll need to get at the store but just can't think of them right now. A kitchen inventory is in order! David will probably want to grill out on Monday because of the holiday so I'll have to have stuff for that. Must put together a grocery list.

I only did a 10 minute walk but I'm tired from doing it. Just goes to show me how out of shape I am. I'm grateful though that I could to the walk today with Lisa. I know it wasn't much of a workout for her so I'm thankful for her taking the time to walk with me anyway. I'll see how I'm feeling in the morning and decide then if I want to try walking again tomorrow or wait until Sunday. I have no reason to push myself. I don't want to aggravate my knee. I feel good after today's walk, just tired. I'm glad I got my lazy butt out of bed and called Lisa back. It was a healthy choice.

Later.

Weigh in was last night - gained .2

I weighed in last night and I gained .2 (point 2) lbs. Considering all the brownies I ate and the fast food last Wednesday night after weigh in, I'm pretty happy with only gaining .2 lbs. I still feel like it was a successful week though because I went walking Wednesday morning. I've got to figure out how to eat healthier so that I will lose weight every week. I now know I can't make brownies or anything like that. If I have them, I will eat them. It's just like the cookies. I threw away the last brownie last night instead of eating it. It was easy to do because it was pretty dried out anyway. I knew I shouldn't have made them but again, thought that I could manage my eating but found out quickly that I couldn't. I think if I really want a treat like that I will buy one piece from the bakery and split it with David. That way it's done and over with and there's no leftovers to eat. For now I just need to stay away from the junk food.

We're out of chips again and it's not even a week since I bought both bags. That's not good at all. We both eat too many of them for snacks when we should be snacking on healthier options (fruit, cheese, veggies, etc.). I'm going to try to do without chips this week. I wish there were some small packs of chips I could get for David's lunches. I'll have to check that out. If I ate some then I'd be limited to a small amount instead of eating tons of chips all week. I'm not going to lose weight if I eat fatty, fried foods and snacks all the time. So, Deli Style Chips are NOT on the grocery list this week. That will be really hard but I'll do it.

I tried the 94% FF popcorn but it tastes like cardboard to me. I'll go with the regular popcorn and just have less of it. I think if I can have that for lunch I'll be okay without the chips. I get very few chips for the 4 pp value and I would get a lot more popcorn for the 3 pp value. It would be a good substitution.

I'm out of one of my psych meds and I'm not feeling great because of it. I had a panic attack on Tuesday and have mostly just been laying on the couch the last 2 days. I hope it gets her today so I can take it tonight as scheduled. I've been out of it for a few days now and that's not good. There was a mess up by CVS Caremark and it didn't get approved and mailed until days after it should have. I'll order it even earlier next time. I just hope it gets here today. If it's not here by tomorrow the latest then I'll be waiting until Tuesday because of the holiday. That would be really bad.

When I weighed in last night I was ready for a bigger weight gain so I was happy to see only a .2 gain. The meeting was really good. There was one lady who got a gold ring for losing 100 pounds! That was an inspiration to me. Oh yeah, Pat messed up my WI on Monday so I couldn't officially weigh in last night. That was a bummer. I'm thinking about only going to a meeting once a week now. I don't want to have my weigh in messed up every week. I'll have to think on that. I could just show up and not check in at the Monday and Friday meetings like I was doing before. I'd hate to miss my meetings. I need them. I'll figure out what would be best. Listening to the same topic 3x/week doesn't bother me but not being able to officially weigh in does bother me.

It's 1pm and I haven't had lunch yet. I don't really feel hungry yet. I'm worried that the weight gain has me back in deprivation mode. If I don't eat, I can't gain weight, that kind of thing. Honestly part of it too is that I'm used to having my ham and cheese sandwich with chips and there are no chips. I would put 3 or 4 chips right on my sandwich and have the rest of the allotted amount on my plate. I only have FF popcorn so having a sandwich doesn't sound that appetizing. I should eat anyway and try to get in some of the GHG's for the day. I'll have to think about what I want. I don't want to eat just to eat. I want it to be healthy and I want to be hungry.

I got that book, "How to cook everything". It's a pretty good book. I just have to have the energy and motivation to want to cook something beside the usual stuff I make. I'm really bored with food and cooking. I have to get over that though. I know I need to eat more salads but I'm too lazy to make them and don't like them all that much. If I don't get excited about this program I'm not going to be successful on it. It's not just going to happen. I have to make it happen and I'm not doing that right now.

I know not having my meds is making me feel really down. Once I'm back on them regularly then I'll feel good again and motivated to want to walk and eat better. It's hard to do anything when I feel so depressed. I'm only depressed because I'm not on the medicine. There's nothing going on that is causing the depression. It's chemical, not situational.

I'm going to go have some fruit. I need something and that would be the best choice right now. More later.

This is a lifestyle change, NOT a diet

I have to keep reminding myself that WW is a lifestyle change, NOT a diet. It's not going to last for just months. It's going to be a lifelong change. If I want to lose the weight and keep it off, I'm going to have to follow WW for the rest of my life. I have to get comfortable eating in a way that I can maintain for the long haul. I can't deprive myself or over do. Either way I'll end up being overweight again and I don't want that. I want something that is doable every day. I know that WW is that plan. I just have to be able to follow the plan. Right now it's up and down. I'll do well for one meal then blow it by eating junk in between meals. I have to find snacks to eat that are satisfying but that won't get me off plan. I haven't done that yet. So far I've been going back to the things I'm used to (cookies, candy, soda, brownies, etc.). I try to get in fruit when I can instead of junk but the junk beckons to me. It probably always will. I have to find ways to fight it though.

Getting more activity is also very difficult. I'm so out of shape. Just walking at the grocery store is hard for me. I get all sweaty, tired and sore. I think that's why I'm so afraid of walking at Palmer Park. I'm nervous about walking away from my car. What if I get stuck out there? What if people see me out of breath and sweating from just walking for 10 minutes? I'd be humiliated and embarrassed. I can't keep just napping all day. That's making it worse. I could do some exercise at home (Qi Gong) but I don't do it because it seems boring and not worth the effort. I know it is though. Maybe if I lose a little weight then doing more activity wouldn't be as hard. It has to happen at some point but maybe I just need to be patient.

Someone on the WW online community was blogging about doing just one thing at a time - taking on the food issues first, then taking on the increase in activity next. I think that is prudent. There's so much to learn about changing food habits. I'm so used to eating junk that changing over to healthy food isn't easy. I like the taste of junk. It's easier and more "convenient" than healthy food. Good food is an acquired taste and I just have to take time to acquire it. Dinner is the most difficult meal for me. I basically eat the same things for lunch and breakfast but it's starting to get boring. I need to change things up once in a while. But dinner is the hardest. I'm not that good of a cook and thinking of something to cook that's not bland is hard for me.

Well, American Idol is on, the Finale, so I'm going to go watch that. I'm trying to stay away from the brownies tonight (it would be my 4th serving for today). More later.

A "brownie" kind of day

I never should have made the brownies last night. I've had a piece of them 3 times today! I still have 14 points left after eating the brownies and breakfast and dinner but eating brownies doesn't give me any  GHG's. Lesson learned though that I can't have stuff like a pan of brownies around. I'm not hopeful for weight loss at weigh in tomorrow night even though I still have 26 weekly points left and I earned 14 AP's this week. I think I got too cocky after losing 2 lbs last week and kind of went crazy this week. Instead of being motivated I took advantage of the weight loss. I can't do that going forward. I certainly won't get to the 20 lbs lost mark by then end of the month by doing this. I also won't get into a new decade any time soon if I continue doing the same thing that I'm doing this week.

I'm looking forward to my WI tomorrow night anyway. It will be what it will be. I just look forward to the meeting itself and hearing Dori talk. I won't have a lot to say though because I'm feeling like I have my tail between my legs right now because of the brownie fiasco. It will be a good meeting regardless of what my WI shows.

David plays golf tomorrow night so I'll have to put Bayou in her kennel while I go to my meeting. That won't make me leave any earlier though. I'll stay for the whole meeting. I'm going to try to talk to some people tomorrow night since there will be so many people there. It's always a full meeting on Wednesday at 5:30pm.

For dinner tonight we had baked pork chops, mashed potatoes, cucumbers and cherry tomatoes. It was really good. It was a pretty healthy dinner and was low on PP value (6). It was way better than the English pizza muffins we had last night. I'll probably need to go to the store tomorrow because I'm out of milk and out of veggies for dinner. I do have some salad stuff though. Not everything is fresh. I'll have to check tonight or in the morning and see what's still good. Wasting again. I hate that. I'm going to have to either plan better or shop more often to keep stuff fresh.

Lisa called me today and we talked about going walking at Palmer Park. She told me that the small loop is 1/2 a mile, which would take me 10-15 minutes to walk in my current condition. I'd like to go walking with her but I'm just not sure my knee will hold out. It is really nice of her to offer to walk with me. It's nicer to walk with someone that to always walk alone. I could try to walk tomorrow morning to get an idea of whether I could do it or not. I would do that by myself so I wouldn't be embarrassed if I can't really do it without sweating my butt off and being totally out of breath. I'll just have to slow down so I can walk without hurting. I'll think about it. I could go after I drop Bayou off at daycare. It would be cooler then. It was too hot today. It's been in the 90's today. Yikes!

So it hasn't been the best day eating wise but tomorrow will be a new day.

Monday on WW's

I dropped Bayou off at daycare at about 7:30am. I planned on doing my grocery shopping after that but remembered on my way there that the stores didn't open until 9am (PetSmart) and 8am (Target). So I went home and had breakfast and took my morning medicine. I fell asleep and woke up just in time to go to my 9:30am meeting. This week's topic is about spicing up our food, not necessarily making it spicy but making it tasty and not bland. We actually got together with another WW member and had to come up with a recipe that included a spice that we were given (ours was garlic). It would have been a good way to meet someone but the time was just too short. It got me out there though which felt good. The meeting seemed to go by very fast today.

After the meeting I came home because my stomach was upset. Once it felt better I went and did the grocery shopping. I didn't have to get much so it was quick, in and out. Later in the afternoon I stopped and got the dog food before I picked up Bayou.

Eating for the day wasn't great. I could have made healthier choices (as usual) but opted for what was easy. Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast: 2 small blueberry muffins, bowl of cereal with a banana
Lunch: ham and cheese sandwich and chips, apple
Dinner: English muffin pizzas, apple, brownies (2 servings)

I had the points to use but once again I'm not making the healthiest choices, I'm not choosing Power Foods and I'm not meeting my GHG's every day.

I think the motivation that I have right now is knowing that I'm not going to be here forever and I don't want all my last years to be like this - miserable, hurting and unhappy. I'd like to spend more years happy and healthy than the way I am now. It's only going to happen if I make some real changes and make them now. I'm not going to get on myself for having the kind of day that I did today. I had the points and I used them. Nothing is off limits in WW. There just are choices to be made and I didn't make all of them today. All I can do is try to do better tomorrow.

Having a good day

David left at about 9:15am for golf up in Denver with his brother and some friends. I have no idea what time he'll be home. I've been napping a lot today just because I can. Bayou has been good today (meaning she's not going in and out every 10 minutes) so I've been able to relax. Now I'm getting some things done around here though. I unloaded the dishwasher and then loaded the few dirty dishes that were there. I have the sheets washing and just emptied the dryer. I still have to hang up shirts (my most dreaded task of them all). I'm getting some Activity Points (AP's) for doing the housework so I'm not totally opposed to doing it. I've decided to put off grocery shopping until tomorrow (Monday) since I'll already be up and out dropping off Bayou at daycare. If I get her there early enough I'll be able to shop before I go to my Monday WW meeting at 9:30am. I have at least one load of laundry to do but I'm not sure if I'll do it today or tomorrow.

I had my usual breakfast today (1/2 cup of Kashi GoLean Crunch cereal, 1/2 cup of fat free milk and a banana). For lunch I had 1 chicken enchilada, 28g of chips, a WW lemon mini bar and an apple. I'm full and won't eat again until dinner time. I don't know what I'll have for dinner. I'll probably have a ham and cheese sandwich. I should make a salad too but I seem to have difficulty doing that. I don't love salad and therefore don't feel like making one. Sometimes I think I need to do it anyway but if it's not something I can do long term then there's no sense in making myself do it now. I need to do things that I can carry forward long term.

I got a lot of good responses to my blog on WW asking for people to tell me what made the difference for them in losing weight. I wanted to know how their mindset changed. Here are some of the responses I got:

I think you are doing great. I can't even focus on 5 lbs at a time, it's more like one bite at a time. My great-grandma used to say, "Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves." I can translate that to WW by saying that if I make good decisions and follow the plan as best I can, and focus on that instead of the scale, I will lose weight. And that is what has happened in my experience.

The two decisions I made early that seemed to really make a difference were that I was only doing this for me & I wasn't going to make drastic changes in my life. I knew that my husband wasn't going to change the way he ate, so I had to learn healthy versions on the same meals we had always eaten. Also, I knew that I am not going to be a person that exercises for a hour every day. So I have tried to integrate exercise into my day instead.


the first part is done- you have made a decision & have a plan!...small steps....remember, your body doesn't care if you show a loss at scsles weekly...just know it WILL work...you are OP & on your way!!after all, what is the alternative?.....no way, no how - no going back! onward & downward! 

I didn't know if I could really do this when I started either. But I just kept plugging away at it-being OP, getting GHGs and avoiding the trigger foods. The biggest difference for me is planning meals and how I will get in GHGs. I really try not to use my DPs on 'junk food'. And I decided I was worth the effort which was probably the most important thing. I was the only one holding myself back from being successful. 


I think my mindset changed after I lost like 10-15 pounds and really started to see and feel a difference. One weigh day at a time. You're doing everything right from what I read here but are you telling yourself 'no' to the bad foods? Or are you eating them and just counting them. For me, it was a total NO. I didn't go back to a small indulgence until I was well under way with my weight loss. 

I felt bad all the time. When I laid down at night, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My back and knees and hips hurt. That's what I focus on, even today...50 pounds lighter. I realized that I could not continue to live the way I was....the high blood pressure alone was killing me. From about the mid point of my weight loss I started realizing the I no longer hurt, and I felt good every day. Please hang in there and keep moving forward! 


You have to want it more than anything else, believe in yourself and know you are worth it. Don't do it for anyone else. My mind changed the day I woke up and decided I didn't want to live my life hiding. I wanted to enjoy it. I was worth it. I slipped and slide and fall but got some good shoes and balance and got to losing. I lost 120 lbs. most of that was since i was 51. ONE pound at a time. 

i am losing very slowly. You have to believe that you are worth it. My daughter asked me to look in the mirror everyday, and say, "You __________ are beautiful, I love you and I want you to be healthy." It was hard to do at first, but you need to do it everyday. Do it preferably in front of a large mirror. We are worth it. I don't think about my goal, but about my journey. I would like to share journey. We can do this.


All of these responses were very helpful. I realize that it's a mental thing more than anything. Physically I know I'm capable of doing it but mentally I've talked myself into thinking that this is the way I'll be the rest of my life. I have to really believe that I'm worth it. I also have to be honest with myself and stop playing games. Hiding what I eat isn't going to help me. I'm thinking of listing everything I eat in my blog each day so I'm accountable for what I am eating. If I have to shed light on what I'm putting in my mouth every day then maybe I'll think twice about it before I do it.


I've done pretty good with not eating candy, cookies, cake and drinking soda. My next challenge is not eating chips every day. Not only do I not need the fat and grease, I don't need the sodium. I didn't have chips on the grocery list but bought them anyway. Not good. I need to follow the list. It's not that I can't have chips once in while or even with lunch each day but I'm snacking on them too which isn't helping. I'm tracking them and counting the points but it's just not the healthiest choice I can make. WW suggests substituting popcorn for chips (94% fat free popcorn). I don't know if I'll get the craving met with popcorn but I'm willing to try. I just need the crunch and some salt. I don't think the popcorn is salt free. I have to make some changes or I'm not going to lose weight.


I'm worried again that this week I'm not going to lose any weight. Eating all the french fries yesterday didn't help my cause any. At least I didn't bring the leftover french fries home. I don't mind eating an enchilada for lunch because it's packed with chicken but I counted it as  1 1/2 because of the cheese. They have lots of cheese. I'm going to try and limit restaurant visits to special occasions. I can't go out to eat just for the heck of it. Whatever happens Wednesday at WI will happen. I have to let it motivate me no matter what happens. I can't give up.


I'm so miserable being this heavy. My knee aches, my back hurts, even my arms hurt. I have to lose the weight so I am not so miserable physically. Mentally I'm not feeling good either. I know people stare at me because I'm so fat. I worry about sitting on furniture that doesn't look sturdy enough. Sometimes I know I'm not going to "fit" into a chair and that I'll hang over the sides (like at the WW meetings). I just want to fit into a chair (movie theater, airplane, WW, etc.) and not be embarrassed that I don't.


I have my motivation picture hanging right across from my chair. I keep looking at it and seeing just how big I've gotten. My stomach is bigger than it has ever been. I know I'll be more excited about the weight loss journey when I can see and feel the difference. Right now I don't see or feel any difference even though I have lost 6 lbs. or so in the last 3 weeks. I think it's going to take another 15-20 pounds before I see a change.


I think I'll go put a load of laundry in the washer. Being active, even in just little amounts, will make a difference. It's worth doing. That's it for now.

Is it possible for me too?

I'm wondering tonight if it's really possible for me to lose over 100 pounds. I know that's it's possible in theory but is it something I can do. I've seen other people do it so know it can be done. I think my mindset has been that I can't lose the weight, that I'll be overweight for the rest of my life. With WW I know I can do it if I just focus on 5 lbs at a time and not look at the entirety of what I have to lose. I think it's because I'm so sore today that I'm feeling like it's not possible. Will I ever not hurt this much? It's almost too much to imagine. I've asked others on the WW online community what made the difference for them. Did it happen in a moment or was it over time? Or a little of both? I'm wondering how my mindset can change.

I know I'm doing a lot of things right:

* going to 3 meetings a week
* being active in the online community
* tracking everything I eat or drink, good or bad
* making healthier choices each day
* trying to get in my GHG's every day
* increasing my activity

I also know there are still things I'm not doing great at but I try not to focus on that. I try to change it but not think about it constantly.

I know it's going to take time and I feel like I'm being patient knowing that I can only lose 1/2 to 2 lbs. a week. At my weight though that's going to be a long time. I think I'm just facing my mortality this week. I'm not going to live forever, especially with my health problems because of my weight. Who knows how many years I have left. I know it could be decades and I think that scares me because I can't survive like this for decades. Not being happy anyway. I'm miserable and I feel it every day. I want to feel better physically and mentally every day even if it's not losing weight. If I'm making changes that are healthy and positive that will be a plus too.

Just feeling pensive tonight and wondering if it will happen for me.

Mexican food for lunch

Today we went to Estela's for Mexican food for lunch. It was way too much food. I never eat all of it anyway but definitely couldn't and didn't want to today. I ate one of three chicken enchiladas and some french fries. I felt full so I stopped eating. I thought I'd have an enchilada for dinner but probably won't have it until lunch tomorrow. I hope that I will think twice about going to a restaurant again because it's always too much food and takes up too many points. I think I want it but afterward I don't really feel like I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the guacamole burger I had last night more than the restaurant food we had today. The food was good but it was just too much.

I haven't done the grocery shopping because my stomach was bothering me after lunch. It wasn't because I ate too much. I think it was the spicy enchilada sauce. It was spicier than usual. I'll do the shopping tomorrow.

I realized today that I just don't enjoy eating high point value foods as much as I used to. I'd rather have more healthy. low point value food throughout the day than to pack in most of it in one meal. Am I thinking different since I joined WW? Yes, I think I am.

How to make friends at WW

I've been getting some really good suggestions on how to make friends at WW:

* arrive early and sit with the ladies who talk, strike up a conversation with them
* go over to the quiet person in the room and ask how their week went
* congratulate people who have had a WW or Bravo for the week
* go over to anyone and say hi and ask how their week went

Those are some pretty good ideas. I just want to be part of the group and really feel connected. I feel like I belong because everyone else is there trying to lose weight too but being connected to people, even if it's just on a surface level would be nice.

I've had breakfast already (bowl of Kashi GoLean cereal and ff milk and a banana). Later in the morning I had a pear. David talked about going to Estela's for lunch. I'll have to ask him if he's still wanting to do that. I'm not sure if I want to go out or not since it's only in the 50's. It would be nice to have some good Mexican food though. I've already checked the points and I could do it with only using a few of my weekly points. I'd also have the enchiladas for lunch and dinner and still be within my points. It would be nice to not have to cook today.

I still have shopping to do. I could do that later today. It's cool out but a bit windy so I don't think I will be going for a walk. Walking at the grocery store will have to be it for me today. That and maybe some laundry. Then again maybe I'll just relax today and do that stuff tomorrow when David is golfing. He'll leave around 9am and be gone to Denver for the day. That will give me plenty of time to get stuff done (or just lay around all day lol).

Up in the middle of the night

It's almost 12:30am. I went to bed a while ago but Bayou woke me up so she could go out. Now she's in there lying on my pillow and I'm out here on the laptop. Something is wrong with this picture. How come she always wins the pillow? Once she lays there it's like moving a dead horse. It's almost impossible to claim your space back. LOL I'll get her to move when I seriously want to go back to bed.

I'm kind of amazed this time around with the WW plan that I'm not having "super cravings" for donuts and cherry coke or orange crush. Sometimes I think about it but I don't have that feeling in the middle of my stomach that I've had before. It's like have an anxiety stomach ache. In the 4 months that I wasn't on WW I think I got my fill of donuts and soda. It's not that I wouldn't like some every once in a while but not all the time. It would ruin my intention to not be fat anymore. Even just having talked about it used to make me feel crazy. Not today. I think it's because getting healthier means more to me than a bottle of soda does.

I've only written this much in an hours time because I keep falling asleep. haha

I just had a Lemon Mousse Pie mini bar (made by WW). I love them when they are cold out of the fridge. I might have another one. They are only 2 points each. They are small but are satisfying. It's a good snack.

I've been thinking off and on about making friends with people at the WW meeting. I'd like to get to know people who have lost a lot of weight. I'd like to hear their stories and their struggles and what to expect. That would be helpful to me. I know someone in the Friday, 10am meeting who has lost almost 100 pounds. I'd like to get to know her. Dori has also lost 100 pounds. I'd like to get together with her and talk about her WW journey. I think Christine also lost a huge amount of weight. I remember seeing before and after photos of Christine. Her transformation was amazing. I really would like to have some friends though that I could get together with or call when I needed to talk shop. I prefer it be people who go to meetings and who aren't just online members. Nothing against online members but I'd like to discuss the meeting topic sometimes. I have to just sit closer to these people and start talking to them. I have to make the first step because I know from past experience that I look unapproachable. I separate myself from the group and I don't smile much. That won't get me friends.

It's 2:20am. Fell asleep again. LOL I should have gone back to bed.

Dinner was good (for a change)

We had hamburgers and french fries for dinner. I had guacamole on my burger. It was very good. The french fries were just a tad dry but still edible. It was nice to have a good dinner. I actually feel full tonight. Usually I just feel satisfied. I didn't eat that much (I actually gave David some of my french fries) but feel like I did. It could be the guacamole.

Lisa asked me to go walk today but I had too many things to do. I don't know if I could have done the small loop anyway. I had to walk all around the Target today and got tired out and sore just doing that. I'd like to try the small loop though. If I could do it just a couple days a week it would make a big difference in my weight loss and health. I might try doing the loop earlier in the day when it's cooler and see if my knee can tolerate the walk. I really want to walk but I just don't know if I'm able to yet. I may have to lose some more weight before I can walk much. Those 10 minutes on the treadmill Wednesday were a lot for me. I really think I could do the small loop at Palmer Park if I took it slow. Maybe I'll try this weekend since it's supposed to be cooler. I'll just have to see.

My dentist appointment went really quick today. It was maybe 15-20 minutes. I was able to do an errand and run home to get my WW pouch before I went to the 10am meeting. I really like Christine who leads the 10am meeting. I felt like I got a lot out of the meeting even though it's the same topic I've sat in for 3 meetings now. Each leader brings something new to the topic though so it's okay to sit through it multiple times. I just love being in meetings. It motivates and encourages me. I'd like to start making some friends though. I actually sat up near the front today. Usually I sit in the back row but I wanted to be part of the group today. I'm not sure how to get to know people though. I guess I should just sit closer to everyone and just start talking. I'm not very good at that but I need to put some effort into it.

I'm already looking forward to next Wednesday. I'm hoping to lose 2 more lbs. I'll take whatever it is though and let it motivate me (loss or gain). I can't wait to get to 20 lbs lost. I'll get another 5 lb star. That will be cool. I'm also hoping to get to a new decade (the 270's). I'll get a sticker for that. I could be there next week but it may take 2 weeks. It will just depend on how things go.

My stomach is till aching a little bit. I really thing it's the guacamole since I haven't had any in a long time. I may need some Tums. lol

I did get some activity in today by doing housework and walking at the store while shopping. Every little bit helps.

I better go take some Tums. Yikes!

Dinner is in the oven

I made a breakfast hash brown casserole for dinner. It has hash browns, sausage, egg and cheese. I've got it cooking for 45 minutes covered in aluminum foil. Then I'll cook it for another 10 uncovered so it can brown. I hope it comes out okay. If not, just another in the long line of dinner disasters. LOL

It's 2:40pm and I still haven't done much today beside let Bayou in and out and make dinner. I know I'll have a busy day tomorrow so I want to take it easy today. I'm not looking forward to going to the dentist but want to get the crown put on so I can chew on that side of my mouth again. I just hope I get out in time to go to my 10am meeting. If not I can always go to the noon meeting that Meredy leads. I've got to get the shopping done early though so I'm not crashing at dinner time. I still need to do the kitchen inventory and the meal planning. I can get that done later though. It won't take that long once I figure out what we have here to eat already. There's quite a bit in the freezer (hamburgers, steak, chicken) and the cupboards. I just have to look and figure out a meal plan.

I've been frustrated with Bayou today because she's going in and out so much. After a while it gets to me. I don't mean to yell at her but I do. I just apologized to her for yelling at her. I love her and don't mind taking care of her at all. It's just that opening the door for the 100th time is frustrating. As a matter of fact she wants to come in again now. Argh! She's been doing this new thing now though where she hits the door to come in and then walks away. Now that's frustrating. She's laying on the deck right now so I'll leave her out for a bit.

David will be home in about 15 minutes. It will be nice to have him here. I've felt lonely today. Not sure why but I do. Thankfully I didn't have any emotional eating because of it. I am craving a snack though. I need to find something easy to make that we can snack on but that I won't eat all at once. Maybe I'll get a box mix of brownies tomorrow. That might be good. I usually don't eat those all at once.

I'm still feeling good about losing 2 lbs and getting my 16 weeks charm. I hope I can make my next goal (to be down 20 lbs) by the end of the month. That's a little more than 2 weeks. I should be able to do it if I keep making better choices, drink lots of fluids and keep tracking everything. I'll get there eventually.

More later.

Slow, quiet day

Today has been a very slow and quiet day. All I've done is let Bayou in and out and she's not even going in and out much. I took some time earlier to go through all my WW material (Weekly's, hand outs, start up books, etc.) and I chucked all the stuff I thought I didn't need or could get again if I needed it. I put all the old stuff in my light blue zippered WW pouch and put the other stuff that I need now in my dark blue PP 2012 pouch. WW does a great job with their materials. They are very helpful and have a lot of good information in them. I kept all the Weekly's because they have recipes in them. Some day I might want to try one. I haven't done the kitchen inventory yet. Just haven't felt like doing it. I also have dishes and laundry to do but it can wait too. I like just relaxing.

For lunch today I had a ham and cheese sandwich on honey wheat bread (1 slice) plus 4 tortilla chips. It was a 5 point meal. I've already had 2 cups of tea today so my fluid intake is better than usual. I'm going to have another fruit here in just a few minutes, probably some grapes. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for dinner tonight. Maybe breakfast for dinner (eggs, sausage and pancakes). I still have 31 points left for the day so I have the points to use. I'll have to calculate that meal and see how much it will be. Maybe I could make a breakfast casserole with the eggs, sausage and some hash browns. I'll have to look for a recipe. That sounds good. I'll use the recipe tools on eTools to see if I can find something.

It's 1pm and I'm ready for another nap. I may lie down since Bayou is sleeping on the floor. When I get up maybe I'll start doing some things around here. Then again, maybe not. LOL

Lost 2 more pounds!

I was really worried that when I weighed in last night that I was going to have gained weight. But that didn't happen. I lost 2 pounds! I was so excited when Dori, my WW's leader, told me that. Actually I was incredulous. I'm down to 282.4. I'm down 16 pounds total since I started last September. I only  have four more pounds to lose my 20 pounds. I had almost reached that back in December right before I quit going for 4 months. So I'm almost back to where I was before I joined again this April. I'm very excited about that. It may take a few weeks to lose the weight to get to 20 lbs. but I'm willing to be patient. I'll also be in a new decade when that happens.

Dori was able to enter my original weight from September. It will show up next week when I weigh in. I also had her look at my weight trackers so she could see that I had my 16 weeks in. It all counted and I got my 16 week charm last night.

It's a pair of clapping hands and it has a 16 on it. I have to wait to get my 10% key chain to put it on something. Until then I'll keep it in my wallet. I'm very proud to have received this charm. It's my first WW bling! haha

The meeting was very good last night. As a group we had lost 76 pounds! That's awesome. This week's topic is grocery shopping. I realized while the topic was being discussed that my shopping is so much faster because I'm not going up and down every aisle. I'm sticking to the perimeter of the store. I can tell when I'm get less healthy foods because I have to go down the middle aisles to get that stuff (like cookies and chips). Power Foods were discussed a lot last night. I know that I need to be putting more Power Foods in my cart when I shop and less processed foods. There's a lot of sodium in processed foods. That will make me retain weight and I don't want that. Dori also brought up that you can spend less on groceries buying the Power Foods (fruits, veggies, low fat dairy, protein) as long as your not buying the junk food too. One lady said she pictures Dori running in to the at the grocery store to help her keep junk out of her cart. That was funny. Dori said she would never judge because she doesn't want to be judged but the point was well taken. If you wouldn't want someone seeing what you are buying then don't buy it.

The positives for yesterday were:

* walking on the treadmill
* getting to the meeting even though I was tired and sore
* weighing in even though I thought I had gained weight
* losing 2 lbs.
* getting my 16 weeks charm
* tracking everything I ate and drank

The negative for yesterday was:

* eating fast food for dinner after the meeting

I definitely could have made a better choice. But I did have the points and I did track everything. I was too tired and sore to cook. I'm going to have to change my Wednesdays so that I make sure dinner is cooked before the afternoon gets there. Something in the crock pot would be a good idea. Since I have my appointment with Alicia in the middle of the day I need to be on top of dinner for that day. Plus I have to pick up Bayou later in the afternoon on Wednesdays. I want to have dinner cooked before I have to leave for my meeting. That way David can eat early and I can eat after the meeting. I don't want to eat dinner before I weigh in.

I have to start working on the meal plan for this coming week and the grocery shopping list. I think we need to have salad most nights with our meals to get our veggies in. I also need to be eating fruit &/or veggies in addition to that 3 times a day. I also need to increase my fluid intake. I'm not drinking nearly enough water/tea. I think that's part of why my allergies are so bad. All this gunk in my nose and throat is there because I'm not getting enough fluids to wash it out. So more tea definitely. I'm going to look through the WW cookbook to see if I can select 2 recipes to cook this week. I want meals to be easy but tasty and healthy. Following The Peaceful Mom helps some but there are too many things she cooks that I don't like. I need to be able to plan meals on my own so they are more WW friendly. We were told that WW is coming out with WW for diabetics. I hope that's something we can  implement. That would help David and me to lose more weight and be healthier.

I don't have anything planned today. I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow after my meeting. I have a dentist appointment at 9am to get my crown put in and then I'm hoping to make it to Christine's 10am meeting. Then I'll go grocery shopping from there. I don't want to grocery shop too close to dinner because then I'll be tempted to get fast food again because I'm tired and sore. So I have to have a meal plan in place and follow it. I still have plenty of meats here in the freezer and some in the fridge so I can plan around that stuff. I'm trying my best to stop wasting food. I do have some stuff in the fridge that I have to toss out though. I hate to do it but it's been in there too long. I'll have to figure that out when I make my meal plan for this week (when to buy stuff so it doesn't go to waste, like salad stuff). Most of the salad stuff makes it through the week. It's other veggies I have to be careful buying. I'm going to try to get the kitchen inventory done today and start meal planning and making the grocery list. I don't want to leave it until tomorrow since I have so much going on in the morning. Plus, like I said, I don't have anything planned for today.

It's time to get breakfast and take my morning meds and supplements. I'm trying to take those every day but some of the supplements are so huge that I literally have to choke them down. I don't like taking them but I need to take them. I'll get sleepy from my meds so I'll be taking a nap here in just a little while. Then I can do the kitchen inventory. Of course I'll have to fight Bayou for the couch to take a nap. LOL The sun is just moving to the carpet from the wall so maybe she'll go lay on the sunny carpet area.

That's it for now. More later.