I am still struggling today (wanting sweets and worried about working out tomorrow) but feel so encouraged by the WW online community. I see people who have lost over 100 pounds and I know that I can do this. Some people took years to lose their weight. I need to be in this for the long haul. It's going to take time. I have to lose it right or gain it back fast. I had an apple for dessert but it just didn't take care of the craving. I'm going to have to learn to live with these cravings. I can't give in every time I have a craving. I also can't give in to the laziness and not work out. It will take less than half an hour. I definitely have the time, every day, to walk for 10-15 minutes. I have to stop being afraid. I have a fear of failure and it paralyzes me. It keeps me from doing what I need to do. If I try and fail it will be my fault. If I just don't try then it's not my fault. Or some mixed up kind of thinking like that. I have to deal with the fear or I will fail.
For dinner tonight we had crescent dogs and mac & cheese. It was 17 points. I still have 8 points left for the day and 35 for the week. My points reset tomorrow. I weigh in tomorrow too. I don't think I will have lost any weight. Losing even an ounce would make me happy. If I gain I'm definitely going to need encouragement and support to keep going. I'm only weeks into this and I'm struggling so much. I need to reach out at my meeting too. I'm not sure how I will do that. Most people only share when they are doing well. I want a bravo for showing up even though I'm struggling. I'll talk to Dori and see what she says. I have to see if she can put in my original weight anyway.
It's hard to do the right thing when I'm not seeing results like I would like to see. I find it difficult to get motivated to work out because I wonder what difference it will make. If I really think about it though I know that continuing to follow the WW plan and working out will only help me. I'm miserable being this fat and I should want to change that but doing what I'm doing isn't helping me change. What will motivate me to change? I can talk a mean game but it's only what I really do that counts. I need to not be so anxious to get "Bravo" stickers when I'm not really doing the work. I know that showing up is something and I need to give myself credit for that. I also track everything I eat and need to give myself a pat on the back for doing that too. I have changed how I'm eating somewhat so I am making progress there too. There are positives and I should focus on them but the failures stand out more to me. I threw away the cookies. That's a good thing but I can only think about eating 7 of them. I shouldn't have even bought them.
I tricked myself into thinking that I could manage my cravings for them by putting them in the cupboard. How silly is that? Whether they were on the counter or in the cupboard I knew they were there and wanted them. I still want them or something else sweet. I know I'm an emotional eater but don't really know what to do to change that. I guess I just need to acknowledge it and not eat the snacks just because I want them. That's what happens with the glazed donuts. I crave them, start eating all kinds of other foods because I don't get them and then give in to the craving anyway. It sucks being an emotional eater.
My plan tomorrow is to go walk after I drop off Bayou. It will be hard to make myself do it but I will be so disappointed in myself if I don't do it. It's not that hard to do. I know that. I just need to get into the routine of doing it. The routine has to start with the first time though. I can keep putting it off and not make any progress or I can take that first step and get the workouts going. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to losing weight. I have to just keep telling myself I can do this because I know that I can!
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