Anxiety attack = Lemon cookies

When I was going to bed tonight I started feeling anxious. It happens to me most nights. I'm not sure what is causing it. I'm thinking that maybe it's a side effect of one of the medications I'm taking. Anyway, this full body anxiety comes over me and I feel like I have to run, to get up out of bed and just run. I know what will make it feel better though - eating. So, I had some lemon cookies. Okay, yeah, I had 8 of them. That's 16 cookies in one day. Ridiculous. And you know what? I still have anxiety. Usually the eating gets rid of it but not tonight. I feel like a idiot for eating all those cookies today. I should have just taken the Xanax like I was thinking I should do. I think I was looking for an excuse to eat and the anxiety attack gave me that excuse. I'm taking full responsibility though. I put the cookies in my mouth. No one made me do it. Anxiety, though it feel like it will, will not kill me. I have got to figure out ways of dealing with it that do not involve eating. If I have to take the meds for anxiety, I just do, because now on top of feeling anxious I feel stressed about eating. Not good!

So, I just took the Xanax. Hopefully it will work quickly and I can get back to bed and away from the kitchen. Although there are no snacks out there calling my name right now. The cookies and ice cream and chocolates are long gone (well, not so long gone, but gone nonetheless). I'm kicking myself because I weigh in tomorrow and all those extra ounces will be in lemon cookies. LOL I could cheat and wear shorts and a tee shirt and go commando but what would that prove. Nothing really except that I know how to cheat the system. No, I need to wear the same clothes I always wear to weigh in and I need to eat my healthy meals tomorrow. If I don't get the 10 pound loss tomorrow, it will come next week or the week after, but it will come. I can do this. Even when I screw up I can still do this.

I have to shop a lot smarter than I have been shopping. I'm giving myself too many temptations, too many options that are not healthy. I'm probably having anxiety from all the freakin' sugar I ate today! I used all my daily points this week and all my weekly points too. Thank goodness for the reset tomorrow. I need a fresh start and I'll get it in an hour. I'm glad I don't have to wait to start over. I can do that right now. It's been a day of many start-overs but at least I'm doing that. I could just give up and make it all worse but I'm not. I'm facing what I've done and getting ready for the consequences. I'm starting new right this second. I love the WW plan and I know I can do it. Today has just been a frustrating day. I think I'm more bummed out about my knee that I have let on to myself. I think I'm afraid that I will fail and so I want to make myself fail NOW! instead of later on. But I'm not going to fail. David is on the plan with me now and together we can do this. I can do this.

My past had set me up for failure but my present doesn't have to do that anymore. I can change things from right this moment. The junk food is gone. That's good. Anything else that's junk gets thrown out or donated tomorrow. I'm done with the stupid temptations. I'm just making it harder for myself. I can make this easier if I want to but I always seem to want to do things the hard way first. Well, I've been doing the hard way for 3 weeks. Now it's time to do things the easy way. The WW way. They have all the guidelines that I need. I just have to follow them. I need to stop cheating and breaking the rules. Yeah, I'm being dramatic but sometimes for me that's what it takes to get my head into the game.

Thankfully the Xanax is working now. I can feel a bit of the anxiety slipping away. It's not all gone yet, but it's on it's way out. I may sleep tonight after all.