You can listen to my radio interview at the link listed above. WARNING: It does contain some graphic descriptions.
I think it was edited really well. It's kind of weird listening to myself but I feel like I did a really good job. If this interview can help just one person feel better about their situation then going public will be totally worth it.
I think that after I stopped self injuring I turned to food to medicate. I gained most of my weight since 2004 when I stopped hurting myself. I think that overeating and binge eating can just be another way to self harm. I'm glad that I've found WW and have decided to treat my body and mind properly and that I'm eating more healthy foods now and not overeating or binge eating. If it wasn't for the PointsPlus Program I would still be doing both. It's so nice to actually feel hungry and not stop the feeling by plying myself with tons of junk food, fast food and snacks. It's okay to feel hungry. I can wait for my next meal or have a small, healthy snack to tide me over now instead of pigging out to get rid of the feeling. Hunger has always been an uncomfortable feeling for me, closely related to feeling anxious. It's an empty feeling and one that I don't do well with. Just like other uncomfortable feelings, I eat to get rid of them. Of course, that doesn't last long and I find myself eating again and again when the feelings resurface. But now I'm allowing myself to feel. To feel hungry, to feel anxious, to feel happy and to feel sad. Feeling is not a bad thing. Eating is not a bad thing. But eating to deny myself feelings is a bad thing, at least for me.
Major victory today!! When I was on my way to and from my doctor's appointment this morning I swear I went by a Dunkin Donuts for 7-Eleven on every corner. I was so tempted to stop and get a pastry or donut. I had to stop for gas at the Loaf 'n Jug and went in to get some juice. I knew I was really going in to get a snack though. I picked up a juice and then found a banana nut muffin. I thought twice about it though and put it back and got an apple instead. I ate the apple on the way to my appointment. On the way home I wanted to stop again and get something sweet but reminded myself that all that would do is keep me from losing the weight that I really want to lose so instead I came home and had waffles for breakfast. Woohoo!! No stops at the Dunkin Donuts or the 7-Eleven! That is a major achievement for me. I just started feeling hungry and panicked a bit but then realized that it is lunch time so it's okay to be feel hungry and want something to eat. What a major victory for me today. I could almost cry because I feel so good today about so many things.
My appointment with Dr. Fouss went well also. He weighed me today (as he usually does to monitor medication weight gain) and I was down 4 pounds by his scale! Another victory. He said that when he sees me in 6 months I'll probably have lost so much weight that I will have to run around in the shower to get wet or that I'll have to buy a shadow. He's just too funny. lol I told him about WW, the Y and the radio interview. He was proud of me and very happy for me. I was thrilled to go in there and to have so many positive things to talk about.
What a great day! Now, to have some lunch, do the kitchen inventory and then do the grocery shopping. I'm even more pumped to stay OP (on program) and on track.
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