Feelings (anxiety)

The anxiety over food has passed. For now. With a little help from my pharmaceutical friends (Xanax) I was able to get to sleep for a few hours. It's 2:30am right now and I've been up since about 1:30am. I'm tired and should be back in bed. I'll go soon.

I realize I'm going to have to have a plan of attack for times like yesterday that don't involve eating myself out of house and home. If it means taking Xanax for a while, I'm willing to do that. More importantly though I'd like to be able to work through the feelings. I know they will pass but when I'm in the middle of it it seems that they (anxiety and cravings) are going to last forever. It truly is a horrible experience.

I know that eating all the time to subdue cravings and abate feelings is not the best thing for me.

I'm having an anxiety attack right now. I feel fidgety and like I have to get up and run away. But, away from what? Or to what? Food? It's the middle of the night. I am NOT going to eat in the middle of the night. I got a small bottle of water instead. I wonder if dehydration can cause this feeling I'm having right now? I'm so tired of having this anxiety. It stinks!

I can go to the 9am WW meeting this morning (if I'm awake!). I need to hear what Anne is going to say. I need to learn tricks to deal with the treats and not just for Halloween.

I can see that I'm going to have to do some work with Alicia around this issue too. I don't know how she will approach it but I'm willing to try anything to help me get food under control. I need a single point of contact to be accountable with. I hope she can do that for me. We still need to work on my issues regarding regarding the weather and driving. 

So, I'm drinking water instead of eating junk food or any food at all. It's not even 3am. I don't need to be eating at this time of day. One person on one of the groups I belong to on the WW site suggested that I stay away from the carbs in the morning and early day because they are setting me up for cravings for sugary carbs throughout the day. And that is what has been happening. I eat a bowl of cereal with sugar every morning to start off my day. I need to eat protein and veggies instead but I don't know what that would look like (eggs and veggies??). I'll have to do some research on healthier options for breakfast. I honestly like my bowl of cereal because it's quick to prepare. No muss, no fuss. 

What are some ideas for a better breakfast? I'll check the WW site after I finish this up. I'm sure there are lots of suggestions and recipes there. But do I have to get rid of this craving first? Should I just do the doughnut thing and get it over with? I don't want to go to the 7-Eleven though. I haven't been there and want to stay out of there. There is nothing inside there for me but junk and snacks.

I think that starting today I will weigh and measure most of my food. I think I'm giving myself portions that are too big. When I got on the scale last night I was back up to 289.4. I don't want to regress. I know that portion control is key. I've been weighing and measuring some things but not all of them. I'll check out the WW store at the center and see if they have a scale that measures grams. That would be helpful. Portion control, portion control, portion control. When it says 8 crackers or 14 chips, I have to make sure that's what I'm getting and not fudging the amount in the upward direction. I know I've been doing that.

But it's all okay. I'm realizing the errors of my ways and finding ways to fix them. Whatever it takes, I will do. I'm not afraid to try.

I've drank almost a gallon of juice since Friday. That's ridiculous. I'm limiting myself to one 8 oz glass a day of juice and that's it. Other than that I need to drink water or hot tea. No more letting my 48 oz of liquids be juice. It's killing me by taking points and it's definitely adding weight to my body. It will be sad if I gained weight this past week. Man, I want to get out there and hike!