Struggling Tonight

I just want to eat. I had a pear and I thought that would take care of the craving but it didn't so I had some chips. I knew I didn't really want to use points for chips but I did. ~sigh~ It's okay though. I had PPWA points so I'm still okay with my total points. I'm going to have to watch the next 4 days though (I weigh in on Wednesday evening). I still have 25 weekly points and my points each day so I should be okay. I want weight loss though not maintenance so I have to back off since I can't work out. I'm not going to have anything else that claims points tonight so it's not a major crisis but I feel like it was a slip. A little slip but a slip nonetheless.

Now that I've had the chips I feel better. Yeah, it was a feeling I was eating away not hunger. I know that now. I know that as time goes on I'll understand better the difference between eating because of emotions and eating because of  hunger. I guess I'm starting to get it since I realize it tonight. Realized it a bit late, but I realized it. I have to figure out why I eat when I feel instead of just feeling my emotions. I'm sure that it must be related to how I was brought up. Feeling bad? Eat. Feeling good? Eat. Having problems? Eat. That's how it was growing up in my family. My mom cooked for every occasion or event no matter how small or big it was. I think I just depended on food to be my friend. Sad to say that, but it's true. I didn't have any real friends so I turned to food.

So what's going to be different now? Well, I have friends for one thing. I just need to remember that instead of trying to do this on my own. I also have new friends to look forward to on this journey if I just keep my eyes open to finding them. I know food is not my friend but a necessary part of life that fuels my body but if my body isn't doing anything it doesn't need as much fuel. And I know that the fuel I put into my body has to be healthy not all the carbs and junk that I was eating. I know things now that I can't unknow so there is no going back. There is only going forward from here on out.