Can't sleep

I went to bed a little after 9pm. It's 11:15pm now. Couldn't fall asleep. So here I am blogging again. I didn't go for a walk today because it was raining. Yes, there were times when it wasn't raining but I was sleeping then (or trying to sleep). I also ate 2 pieces of candy today. David asked me to go to the store with him so he could gas up the Taurus. While we were there I went in to buy the weekly Powerball tickets for the guys at work. I knew I shouldn't have gone with him to the store but I did. A dollar later I had 2 pieces of candy for me and 2 pieces of candy for David. It's so frustrating because I felt like I could say 'no' to myself. But at least it wasn't the big pig out that I used to do. That's a positive thing.

On the way home from the store David asked if I wanted to stop at Sonic. I said 'no'. He asked me later in the evening if I would go to Sonic to get a Limeade. I said 'no' again. I really need to stay away from the stores. There's too much temptation there. I haven't been doing this long enough to be able to say 'no' all the time. But I did stick to just 2 pieces of candy. I wanted a cherry coke and some candy bars but I wouldn't let myself do that. I knew that I could get by with just a piece of candy. And I did.

As soon as David asked me to go to the store, I started feeling anxious. I didn't want to go but I'm not very good at saying 'no'. By the time I got to the store I had myself whipped into a frenzy and saying 'no' to a piece of candy seemed near impossible. I believed my feelings. They lied to me. I was taken in by a momentary want. My bad. Could have been much worse though.

I guess I'm having trouble falling asleep because I've been sleeping so much during the day. I need to stop sleeping during the day so I can sleep at night. I know that I'll eventually get tired and sleep but I couldn't take being in bed any longer. Of course, I'm yawning now that I'm up. Go figure.

I was happy that my weight has dropped a little bit since Monday. I don't want to get fixated on the numbers though. It's not about numbers really. It's about how I feel, how far I can walk and how my clothes are fitting (or hopefully not fitting because they are too loose). So I'm going to try to stay away from the scale except on Mondays. Weighing myself once a week is good enough.

I know this will get easier as I go along, but it's so difficult right now. I know I'm having major sugar withdrawals. It'll take a while to get past that. I have to be patient. I know I can do this because I've done it before. Just a few months ago we started eating healthier and we both lost weight right away. Staying away from the junk food is key to losing weight. That and getting some form of exercise each day. I've also fallen off the wagon before too so I need to guard against that thought. I don't want it to mean it's the end of working on this just because I have a difficult day. I want to do my best to get back on track tomorrow.

I don't usually think about eating when I'm up late like this but tonight for some reason, I am 'hungry' (most likely anxious). I'm not going to eat though. I'm going to ride out this feeling. I'll only feel worse if I eat. I was just remembering a time when I visited my brother and my sister-in-law and I would get up for midnight snacks every night. All of it was junk food, of course. I don't want to get into that habit.

I've been getting nauseous during most evening meals. I think it's because I'm eating food that once was alive. I can eat cereal and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without too much trouble, but eating eggs or meat makes me feel ill. Eating non-vegetarian food does not agree with me these days. I'm going to look into vegetarian recipes and see what I can come up with. I don't know why I'm feeling like this all of a sudden. Maybe the adjustment will just take some time.

Sugar withdrawals are no fun. I think that's where a lot of the anxiety is coming from lately. I've upset the balance in my system. It was very used to getting lots of sugar and now it's not getting nearly as much. I have been drinking a lot of orange juice but I'm going to cut down on that too. It would be better for me to drink water and lots of it. But even water makes me feel nauseous sometimes. That is very weird. Until this passes I think I'll stick to the fruits and veggies.

I guess I should go back to bed and try to get some sleep. Maybe taking some allergy medicine would help. I have a runny nose and watering eyes. That's annoying me and I think it's keeping me up. I haven't slept more than 4 - 6 hours in so long that I can't even remember the last time I did. Sleeping during the day is not helping me at all. Okay, off to take some Benadryl and then it's back to bed.