Discouraged

I'm discouraged tonight. I know it's only been a few weeks but I'm walking 6 days a week and I don't feel like I've lost any weight. I don't feel any difference. I'm trying to be positive about this. I'm walking a lot more than I was just a few weeks ago. I'm slowly changing the way I eat. Maybe that's the problem. I'm probably still getting too many carbs and too much sugar. I've got to figure out meals. I know I've been snacking too much even though they are healthier snacks. I need to limit my junky food intake. I want my walking to make a difference. I'm afraid that I'll keep walking and won't lose much weight. I see Dr. Fouss in September and I want it to show that I've been trying to live healthier. I have to not let this get me down. I don't feel like I'll give up but I am discouraged. I think they say that you have to do something for 30 days before it becomes a habit and I'm not quite at 30 days yet. I just need to keep moving on and walking 6 days a week and continue to change my eating habits.

I think I need to stick with the transition foods (Boost and protein smoothies) for a while longer. That will give me a little more time to figure out what to eat that will help me. Lisa is going to help with showing me some recipes for dinners. If I can simplify breakfast and lunch, then maybe dinner won't feel so overwhelming. It really stinks that food and food preparation is so overwhelming to me. I look in the fridge and cupboards and there just seems to be too much food in there. I'd rather have them looking empty and have just the stuff I need to eat for the week.

I just realized that I haven't been talking to Marianne about this stuff. I've been blogging but not discussing this stuff with her. I think I'll print out this post and bring it with me tomorrow when I see Marianne at noon.

I'm still keeping my eating somewhat "secret". I don't like to eat in front of people but I do want to eat when I'm alone. I've got to figure out what that is about and try to change that bad habit. I think I need to start listing out everything (and I mean everything) that I eat so I can stay accountable to myself. Food is such an emotional thing for me. It's not just eating because a body needs fuel but eating to satiate emotions. I don't want all this walking to go for naught. I know it won't because it's getting me in shape for being more physical but it's hard to keep it up when I am so discouraged.

What exactly is going on with me? When I wake up in the morning I'm not necessarily hungry but I try to eat something before I go to walk. When I get back from my walk I'm hungry and if I've had a Boost then I finish it up after my walk. Usually I have a snack in the late morning. It's not always the healthiest snack though. I need to only have things in the house that are healthy. That way I limit my choices to good things. Lunch is difficult if I eat regular food. I tend to just have a PB&J because it's easy. I need to have a protein shake for lunch instead. Then there is the afternoon snack, again not always as healthy as it could be. The nightmare for me is dinner. I don't want to cook much meat anymore. Cooking with veggies seems like it will be more work but I need to stop being a baby and make healthy dinners.

How much do I want this? Right now I feel like I don't want it enough. Not enough to crack down on my eating anyway. I need to get rid of all the junk and replace it with healthier food. I'll do my inventory tomorrow and decide what needs to go and what I need to buy. Making an inventory will be very helpful. I've done that before and it has always helped me.

So my day tomorrow will be going for my walk, eating breakfast, taking a shower and then doing my inventory. I'll leave at 11:30am for my appointment with Marianne and on my way home I should be able to stop at the store to pick up a few things (Boost, frozen cherries for protein smoothies and some other things that I'll get from my inventory). I need to mix it up a bit with the smoothies or I'll get bored and not want to have them.

My lower back is hurting a lot tonight. I think it's from the long drive we did today. Too much sitting. My first thought is to not walk tomorrow but I know better than that. Walking will actually help my back to feel better. I just took my meds so I should be feeling better soon. It's almost bedtime so I can relax my back for the night.

David wants to take vacation the week after next (after 4th of July). I want to make sure that whatever we are doing, that I get in a walk in the morning. He's thinking of going out of town and that would make it a bit harder for me to go for a morning walk but I'm sure we'd get some walking in during the day. It will also disrupt my eating because we'd be eating out (unless I can plan ahead and bring some stuff with us). It's really not good timing but I guess I will have to make it work. I can't be so locked into a routine that I can't do anything else.

It's 9:20pm so I'm going to go to bed. I'm hoping to be up by 6am tomorrow. It's good to get out there early to beat the heat. And it's just so beautiful up there in the morning. I'm looking forward to my morning walk.