Since I've been getting out and walking, I don't feel like the house is my cave anymore. I have the doors open again today. The breeze is making the windchimes play. It sounds so pretty. I always liked just being shut up in the house and not seeing anyone or more importantly, not letting anyone see me. Now I feel more freedom than I did before I started walking. I've been wearing shorts again too. I know I don't look great in them but it's warm out and it's nice to be able to wear shorts. I'm going to try not to be self conscious about how I look.
I almost weighed myself after my shower because I haven't put the scale away yet. I'll go do that right now. brb
It's out of my bathroom now. Out of sight is out of mind. I really don't need to weigh myself. I'll know by the way my clothes fit how I'm doing with weight. It's difficult having a food addiction because then you also have a weight addiction. I want to see those numbers to confirm that I'm doing a good job. But like Lisa said, weight can vary day to day, independent of exercise and eating (i.e. water retention). So it's not a good idea to weigh myself every day because if the numbers aren't going in the right direction I'll get bummed out and may give up. I don't want to do that.
I've been thinking about how long a process this is going to be. Sometimes that seems daunting, other times I'm grateful that I don't have to do it all today. I have to remind myself that the journey is what is important. Changing my behaviors with exercise and eating are the key thing. I've only been doing this for 2 weeks so I can't expect big results. And honestly, I don't want big results. It's been proven that if you lose weight fast you are more apt to gain it back plus some. I want this to be real weight loss. I just keep thinking about being in better shape at 50 than I've been in my 30's and 40's. That will be nice.
I have an hour and a half until I leave for my appointment. I'm doing my laundry and I'm trying to motivate myself to get up and put clean dishes away and put dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I haven't worked up the energy yet. No matter what I do the rest of the day, I've already accomplished a lot. I've done so much more than I was doing before I started walking.
I keep thinking about walking over to the mailbox but that would just be overdoing it. I don't want to exercise obsessively just like I don't want to eat obsessively. I'm already looking forward to this weekend and going out for walks with David. His eating has changed somewhat because mine has but I'm trying to not let his issues figure into what I decide to do. I can't lose weight for him and I don't want the responsibility anyway. It's enough just taking care of myself.
I'm glad I started this blog. It gives me a place to get out all the thoughts in my head. Instead of them just constantly running around my mind, I get to put them here and let them go. It's nice.
I just thought that I also look forward to the day when I don't have to think about food so much. If I can get in shape and keep exercising then what I eat won't be so critical. Not that I'll go back to junk food all the time, but I can have a treat now and then and not worry about it going straight to my hips. But for now I need to be conscious of what I'm eating and what I want to eat. I have times, frequently, that I want to eat out of sheer boredom or because I'm anxious. That's not the time to eat. I don't want to condone that habit. Things really need to change for me to be a success at losing weight.
I can't wait for the day that I just blend into the crowd because I'm not fat any more. That will be a happy day. But for now I'm feeling happier than I was just a couple of weeks ago. That's progress too. I wasn't having very many happy moments before. Now even though I'm still battling the depression and food addiction, I can find happy moments and be glad for them. Life is good today.
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