Overwhelming depression

I've slept most of the day today. The depression is overwhelming. I want to eat to make it go away. I'm trying not to do that though. I need to go take a shower too but I'm procrastinating. David is going to want something for dinner tonight and I just don't have it in me to make anything. All I want to do is sleep or eat. I'm not craving junk food, so that's one good thing. I'd like to go for a walk but my motivation level is really tanking right now. I don't like having to take medicine that makes me so sleepy. I'm going to see if I can stop taking it regularly and only take it when I need it. Even though I'm getting out there and walking, I still don't feel like I'm accomplishing much because I have to sleep after I take my meds. Maybe a shower would wake me up. Argh! I just don't want to do anything but go back to bed. I seriously don't like days like this. I feel like the meds I take are interfering more than they are helping me. I can't just stop taking my meds though. I think it's the zanaflex that makes me sleepy. I could just take it as needed instead of 2-3 times a day. I'm sure it's what is making me tired. It's one med that can regulate myself so I think I will do that. I'm not sure of the effect on my back but I've done well so far without the anti-inflammatory med. Better than I thought I would. I still have pain but it is tolerable. If I could lose weight that might help my overall pain too. Weight loss is coming slow though or at least it feels that way.

If it wasn't 78 degrees out I'd go for a walk but that's too hot for me. Maybe later if it cools down and isn't raining I could go for another walk. Or I could just go back to bed...

When I tell David that I'm feeling depressed he usually asks me why I'm depressed. There really is no why. It's not that some event prompted it or that I was thinking of something sad. It's just the wiring in my brain that is off. I have a loss of interest in most things today. That's how I know it's the depression.

I'm going to cut myself some slack here and try to relax. The high level of anxiety isn't helping. I need to do something to use up this energy I'm feeling. It's weird to have energy but not motivation. Not sure how that happens but it does. Instead of just trying to solve this problem in five minutes I can just work on getting through it. I don't need to solve all the ills of the world today. I can be a superhero another day. lol